Overcoming The Stigma of Mental Illness

If you have not already heard, May was Mental Health Awareness Month, and the theme is Back to the Basics. So we thought we should go back to the basics and explain what Mental Health Awareness is all about: gaining insight, education, and normalizing mental health.  In 1949, the nonprofit Mental Health America established this nationwide initiative to increase awareness and provide education around the importance of mental health and mental illness. While we have come a long way in the past 70 years, the unspoken stigma around mental illness and asking for help still exists. Mental health professionals and advocates have worked tirelessly to overcome this narrative, and society has begun to shed these false beliefs and negative stigmatizations. However, we still have ways to go.

From “I” to “We”: Recognizing That We ALL Have Mental Health 

Let’s be real here, we are in the middle of a Mental Health Crisis and access to professional behavioral health services is vital. So how can we continue to combat this stigma so that people feel safe to reach out for help? Debunking the myths around mental illness is a place to start, as well as a shift in conversation. First, it's imperative to understand that mental health is not just the absence of illness, but a broad concept that applies to us all. Mental health lies on an ever-fluctuating continuum– between illness and wellness. Mental wellness can co-exist with mental illness. Mental wellness is an internal resource that helps us think, feel, connect, and function; it is an active process that helps us to build resilience, grow, and flourish. It is important to note that our mental wellness is not a static state of being. Mental wellness is a lifelong process and fostering it can strengthen our mental, emotional, social, and psychological resources. We can all struggle with our mental health, depending on what goes on in our environment, as well as our physiology and biology. Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It impacts our behaviors, our decision-making skills, and the ability to navigate and cope with stressors. Depending on the day or season in our life, our mental health is ever-shifting.  For example, if we are going through a big life change, it is natural for us to experience heightened states of anxiety or stress that can ultimately impact our wellbeing. Normalizing and acknowledging that we all have mental health is the first step to changing the conversation and avoiding pathologizing those who are struggling or working through hard times.

The Shift to Wellness

Shifting the conversation from a focus on illness to an emphasis on wellness will continue to foster a more positive view of mental health. Mental wellness can help us change the narrative away from stigma to a shared humanity and responsibility. By tending to our mental health and improving our mental wellness we can reduce symptoms of psychological distress and better cope through challenging times. 

People Matter, Words Matter 

We all have a responsibility to help shift the conversation away from pathologizing those who are struggling with their mental health. 

Words to ban from your vocabulary about your/others’ mental health:

• weird

• nuts

• crazy

• broken

• useless

• unusual 

• worthless

• abnormal

• lost cause

These words are more productive and help to normalize when your loved ones or yourself is struggling with mental health:

• brave

• worthy

• unwell

• healing

• resilient 

• struggling

• overcoming

• improvement

• working through

Katarina Williams, BA, LIFT Clinical Intern

What is CBT?

At LIFT, we have several therapists (Shannon Broderick, LPC, Michele Battey, LCSW, and Mary Dobson, LMFT, CEDS) who specialize in working with clients from a Cognitive Behavior Therapy framework. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is an evidence based theory and prevention model utilized in psychotherapy and counseling. It has become known to be the gold standard of treatment, due to its empirically supported evidence for treating anxiety, depression, adjustment issues, eating disorders, or phobias. We thought it would be meaningful to explore the story behind CBT and how this integrative model can offer practical tools to apply in your daily life. 

In the 1970s, CBT was originally developed by world-renowned psychiatrist, Aaron Beck. Beck believed that human thoughts and beliefs impact one’s emotions and behaviors. Moreover, he saw that the way people think and interpret life’s events affects how they both behave and feel. CBT teaches us that by exploring our unhelpful repetitive thinking patterns, we can begin to develop an awareness of these automatic thoughts and change the way we think. This can also give us a better understanding of  the motivation behind our behaviors. Finally, doing CBT work can allow us to achieve a greater sense of confidence in our abilities. By living less in our heads, we think we can improve your mood, wellbeing, and relationships.  

Many of us can fall into these negative thinking traps. Beck first coined a psychological term for these called cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions limit our ability to see things from a balanced “real” perspective and show up in our lives in different ways:

Overgeneralization

Focuses on a single event and makes a conclusion often from negative evidence.

Example: “I failed that one test, now I am never gonna graduate college and get a job.” “My last relationship didn’t work out, so I am never going to get married.”

Polarized Thinking

When you have an all-or-nothing thinking pattern.

Example: “I always fail.” “If I am not perfect, then I am not worthy of love.”

Jumping to Conclusions/Mind Reading

Assuming you know what others are thinking or how they will react, make conclusions with no evidence of what you know to be true.

Example: “He/She/They haven’t responded to my message, he/she/they must be really upset with me.”

Should/Must Statements

Example: “ I must eat healthy all the time.” “I should be more productive even when I am exhausted.”

Personalization/Blaming Others

Taking things personally causes a direct personal reaction to what others say/ Playing the victim role.

Example: “They just ended a meeting abruptly, it must have been because of me.”

Tips for overcoming distorted thinking and reframing unhealthy thoughts:

• First recognize that thoughts are not facts.

• Write a journal to spot and become aware of unhealthy patterns in your thoughts.

• Revise the self-defeating “should/must” rules.

• Practice becoming mindful of your tendency to blame yourself when things don’t go as you wish, or as you planned. Try to observe your thoughts without judgment.

• Frequently check in with your emotions and challenge your thoughts to check the reality of the situation.

• Recognize and remind yourself that you often don’t know why people act as they do.

• Be kind to yourself and learn to let go.

• Owning your feelings which will allow you to deal with them and move forward with them.

Here are some questions to help you examine and challenge your thoughts:

• How do I know if this thought is accurate? Is this thought 100% true?

• Am I exaggerating or overestimating the severity of the situation?

• What is the evidence for and against this thought or belief?

• Am I holding myself to an unreasonable standard?

• Am I making this personal when it isn't?

• Am I blaming myself unnecessarily?

• What would I say to a friend in this situation?

• What alternative explanations or interpretations are there to my friends/partner’s/boss’s response?

So what typically goes on in a CBT session?

• CBT clinicians emphasize what's going on in the client’s life right now, instead of what happened in the past, to develop more healthy coping skills.

• Together with your therapist, as a client you will learn to face your fears instead of avoiding them.

• CBT therapists often utilize role play to support you in preparing for potentially problematic interactions with others.

• Learning to calm one’s mind and relax one’s body in the here-and-now with the help of your therapist.

Contributed by Katarina Williams, BA, Clinical Intern

Young Adult Futures Planning: Thriving Through Transitions

If you have not already noticed, the transition to young adulthood is quite a lot to navigate for an 18-24 year old. Whether it's the college or post-grad scene, young adults are tasked with figuring out their identity, career decisions, as well as family relationships as adult children. It makes sense that young adults face such intense feelings during a developmentally stressful and decision-filled time. 

Working alongside a therapist who just gets it can be extremely beneficial as you start to define, align, and commit to living out a value-laden life. We have curated this outline for young adults to review with their therapist or journal about on their own during these times of transition. We hope that this plan supports you in diving into your values and exploring what brings you joy.  Be kind to yourself– making big life decisions is stressful– however we are here to traverse this journey with you! 

Young Adult Transition Outline:

High School to College:

1. In high school, what subjects did I find interesting that I would want to explore more deeply in college? If I chose to take these classes, could they offer me skills to utilize in various future career avenues?

2. What activities would make sense for me to continue in college so I can form friendships with like-minded individuals? (Examples: clubs, sports, drama, singing)  

3. What do I consider the most important attributes in a friendship? How can I choose friendships that align with these values? (Examples: trust, fun, empathy, humor, similar interests, respect)

4. What boundaries can I put in place with my parents before I leave for college? What would it look like to prepare for setting these boundaries? (Examples: role-playing with a therapist, journaling) 

5. How can I make time for self-care when I am feeling stressed, lonely, or anxious during the first months at college? What self-care activities work for me? (Examples: Reminding yourself that these feelings are normal during a transition time) (Example: meditating, walking, journaling, boundary-setting, therapy) 

College to Post Grad:

1. What are the strengths, knowledge, and skills that I have gained from college?

2. What are the biggest life lessons I have learned about myself during these four years that I want to remember and reflect on? 

3. What classes have I taken a genuine interest in, and how can I take this knowledge to make an informed decision about my post-grad life? What experience do I have that could be transferable to my first job after college?

4. What did I like about my college town or city? How can I take these qualities and find cities or towns where I may consider living after college?

5. In reflecting on my romantic relationships during college, what should I look for in a future significant other that would align with my values? 

6. How will I nurture and continue the relationships I have built-in college

7. What kinds of activities do I want to engage in during my time post-college?

8. Where would I like to contribute and make an impact?

Contributed by Katarina Williams, BA, LIFT Clinical Intern

Click here for more information on teen therapy.

What is ERP and How Does It Help?

Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is a form of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy that can help individuals who struggle with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), a condition where a person experiences obsessive and/o intrusive thoughts and feelings that lead to compulsive and ritualistic behavior. Many mental health clinicians view ERP as the best psychotherapeutic treatment approach to OCD, since ERP challenges a person to take direct action in treating their symptoms. In this way, ERP is better than talk therapy alone. ERP works by challenging the person to respond differently to their fears as they are gradually exposed to them. With increased exposure to the things that trigger us, we begin to learn that our obsessive and compulsive behaviors do not offer us the true relief from anxiety that we so crave. In essence, ERP inspires us to develop new, more adaptive behaviors and to let go of old problem behaviors.

What is OCD?

For those with OCD, unwanted thoughts create anxiety and lead to compulsive rituals, such as excessive hand washing or ruminating thoughts. Such rituals can soothe anxiety, but only temporarily. In the long run, OCD rituals turn into a cycle of obsessive and compulsive behaviors that cause even more distress. Breaking the cycle is necessary, and ERP is proven to help.

How does ERP work?

In ERP, a person is gradually exposed to objects and situations that trigger their obsessions. The challenge is to avoid indulging in obsessive/compulsive behaviors and rituals. Instead, the individual will learn to soothe their anxiety with healthy coping skills. Over time, stress tolerance develops, and the compulsive desire to perform specific rituals subsides as the person learns new ways to manage their anxiety. This process is known as habituation—when a triggering stimulus becomes less anxiety provoking as a person increases their exposure to the people, places and things that they fear. Through ERP, an individual develops a new understanding of the thoughts and feelings that once lead to compulsive behaviors. During treatment, the person gradually starts to notice that the thoughts behind their compulsions aren’t entirely true, and they begin to realize their deepest fears often do not come to fruition. After completing ERP, a person struggling with OCD comes to realize there are other options for self soothing that work better than their obsessive-compulsive behaviors ever did. Like all therapy, it is important to find a therapist with whom you have an established trusting relationship before beginning treatment.

Contributed by Clinical Intern, Errin Gaulin. 

Do You Need a Career Coach?

A career coach is an individual who explores issues relating to career goals, work challenges, career changes and interests. This process helps clients plan and work towards achieving their professional goals. Collaborating with a career coach makes a stressful process more manageable. Whether you are just starting out your career, or  feeling as if you need a change, a career coach can guide you through the process of figuring what role fits you best. A career coach will prepare you with ways to market yourself to employers and guide you through the interviewing process. It is overwhelming to figure out career choices, but a career coach is there to help you assess your career options and goals.

Examples of What a Career Coach Looks at?

• What is my skill set?

• What are my values?

• What do I enjoy?

• What is my ideal work environment?

• What do I find meaningful?

• What are my current goals?

• What are some attainable goals?

• What is my future career?

• What are my financial goals?

• What kind of qualifications do I need in order to reach my career goals?

A career coach is here to help you cope with stressful transitions in life. A career coach will assist you in understanding your skill set and how to channel those skills into a career that is fulfilling to you. This process is meant to ease stress, but at the same time hold you accountable and encourage you to achieve your personal and professional goals. If you are feeling at a loss, stuck, or overwhelmed by your career, a career coach may be a good fit for you! To further inquire about career coaching at LIFT, contact us at (203) 908-5603.

June is Pride Month!

Every year the beginning of June turns our black and white world into brilliant shades and hues of the rainbow. Why? June is the beginning of Pride month, celebrating the LGBTQIA+ community. Members of the community as well as ally’s celebrate love being love with parades, pride symbols and clothing, drag brunches, and other celebrations for visibility. It is as much of a celebration as it is continuing advocacy for equal human rights and the pursuit of happiness. 

Many may be unfamiliar with the history of pride. Here’s a brief timeline to familiarize you with pride’s origins. 

June 28th, 1969 was the day of the Stonewall riots; the very event that sparked the pride movement. In Greenwich village, the police raided Stonewall Inn, a haven for the LGBTQIA+ community. On this hot summer night, the community and ally’s fought back, and in the nights following, people continued to protest on the streets. The following year, there was a march in Central Park. Those first formative years laid the foundation to what Pride is today: both celebration and activism. 

Here’s a helpful timeline of notable LGBTQIA+ History from the Stonewall Riots through to today: 

1969- The Stonewall Riots
1970 – The First Pride March
1973- APA classified homosexuality as a mental disorder
1978 – The rainbow flag makes first appearance at a pride event
1979 – National march on Washington for Gay and Lesbian rights
1979 - Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) was founded
1981 – AIDS epidemic begins
1987 – APA removed homosexuality as a mental disorder
1988 – World AIDS day on December 1st 
1993 – Bill Clinton signed “Don’t ask, don’t tell” into law. 
1996 – Defense of marriage act (DOMA) was signed into law by Clinton
1998- Matthew Shepheard was murdered during a hate crime. ( Matt Shepard is a Friend of Mine - YouTube)
2008 – Proposition 8 was passed in California defining marriage between a man and a woman. 
2009 - Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act signed by Obama.
2010 – Repeal of “Don’t ask, don’t tell”
2013 – Repeal of DOMA
2015 – Marriage equality 
2021 – Texas signs banning trans youth from competing in sports into law.
2022 – Don’t say gay bill in Florida.

As the timeline shows, there have been peaks and valleys for the LGBTQIA+ community, and the continued need for pride both as a celebration and for advocacy. There are no right or wrong ways to celebrate pride or to be an ally. 

Here are a few suggestions for how to celebrate pride in 2022: 

1. Attend a Pride festival! Fairfield county’s pride festival will be June 11th 12pm-9pm at Matthew’s Park in Norwalk. This is a great time to meet others in the community, to come as you are, and to have a day of celebration.

2. Join a support group for mental health. We will be offering several group options during pride month such as: The alphabet group for high school students, The alphabet group for adults, and a parent workshop to support LGBTQIA+ family members. If you prefer one on one support, schedule an appointment with one of our LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist.

3. Consume new LGBTQIA+ media. During pride month, there are always new books, podcasts, blog posts, tv shows, and movies being released. Grab your favorite coffee beverage and curl up on the couch to enjoy new representation.

4. Support local businesses. There are LGBTQIA+ businesses in the community that would love your support. You can usually look up what businesses are in the area, or most will have a pride symbol in their store.

5. Attend an LGBTQIA+ specific work out class. I frequent Solidcore, and they are having LGBTQIA+ classes that benefit the Marsha P. Johnson Institute, a non profit organization for black transgender people.

6. Celebrate pride in a way that makes sense for you. Personally, I am not a rainbow kind of person, but I like to go places with my partner that makes me feel safe. Pride means something different to everyone, and it is okay if how you celebrate doesn’t look the same as someone else.

Contributed by Kim Neat, LPC

What is Psychodynamic Therapy?

Psychodynamic therapy is founded on the principles of psychodynamic theories, which express the belief that we are driven by internal psychic energy and strongly influenced by our early childhood experiences. Experiences in our past have lasting effects on the conscious and unconscious parts of our minds. Psychodynamic therapy seeks to understand thought and behavioral patterns. This approach does not focus on problem behaviors, but instead explores the client in a more holistic way. The goal is for the client to gain a deeper insight about themselves as well as form a more positive sense of self.

The psychodynamic school of thought has several foundational theories and uses various techniques. Sigmund Freud is often considered the founding father of psychotherapy. Freud used free association, which is a technique where the client talks about whatever comes to mind in order to bring the unconscious forward. Another technique utilized in this therapy is dream analysis where the client is able to discuss their dreams to bring unconscious motives forward. Another important pilar to psychodynamic therapy is Alferd Adler. He focused on social interest and the roles of familial relationships. He used techniques like early recollections, the clients’ earliest memories. These first memories can offer insight on how the client feels about themselves and the world around them. The client can then work on creating more helpful and productive meanings of their early recollections.

In modern psychodynamic therapy, you can expect the therapist to encourage the client to talk freely about what is going on in their lives, and work towards the client recognizing and interpreting patterns. Psychodynamic therapists use various techniques to access patterns and deep underlying motives. The clinician and client have a trusting relationship that is encouraging and comforting. This process is collaborative and works on discussing thoughts, emotions, and behavioral patterns, in order to promote healthier thinking. 

Several clinicians at LIFT, including Mary Dobson, utilize a psychodynamic approach in their work with clients. Psychodynamic is generally not short-term, solution focused work. Rather, it requires a commitment to an ongoing relationship of self inquiry between therapist and client. If you are interested in learning if you are a good candidate for psychodynamic therapy, you may contact us at (203) 908-5603.

Contributed by Stasia Timan, Clinical Intern and Play Therapist, LIFT.

Mother’s Day Art Therapy Ideas

Mother’s Day is a wonderful opportunity for you to express your love and appreciation to your mom through creative art projects that can be also be a personalized gift for your mom. These projects can help you explore your relationship with your mom through the creative process, and the finished product can be fun, thoughtful and unique way to express your love and appreciation for your mom and the many ways that she touches your life. The following ideas will get your creative juices flowing and will open your mind and heart. 

Mom’s Heart Map

Start by drawing an outline of a heart, then use your drawing, painting, and writing skills to create a diagram of what your mom’s heart looks like to you. Use this activity to create a visualization of all the things you love and appreciate about her. Be sure to include mom’s personal hobbies and any activities she enjoys. Maybe gardening sparks joy for your mom, or she loves making an intricate charcuterie board, or she loves to dance. Find a way to incorporate these elements into her heart map! If she’s a gardener, you can accent the heart with watercolor flowers or dried flowers; if she loves books, include quotes from her favorite reads. Get creative! You can use any kind of medium you can think of to decorate her heart map: felt tip pens, markers, paint, oil pastels, chalk, or colored pencils. Make it personal with embellishments made out of clay, sequins, beads, stickers, wooden cutouts, even found objects like small toys or sea glass. Anything that honors your mom belongs on her heart map. Make it fun! Receiving the heart map as a gift will bring her joy, but it will bring her even more joy for her to know that you had fun in the process. Go the extra mile and frame the heart map and gift it to your mom this Mother’s Day.

Framed Art Necklace

Here are the materials you’ll need:

• Sculpey Clay

• Skewer

• Plastic page protector

• Cardstock or poster board

• Tacky glue

• Markers

• Scissors

• Pencil

• Ruler

• Ribbon or yarn

• Beads

• Decorative paper straws

• Aluminum foil

• Baking dish

Have a younger sibling create a portrait of mom using markers or paint. Place the picture inside a plastic page protector and cut the plastic to fit the picture, then help them create a frame out of polymer clay. Encourage the use of different colors, and show then how to create different textures or patterns in the clay using different tools. For example, you can use a rubber stamp to create impressions in the clay, or straws to create circles. Use a skewer to poke a hole in the top center of the frame. Bake the clay according to package instructions (have an adult help if you are under 12), remove from oven and let cool completely. Carefully glue the picture inside the frame, and then have your sibling choose a 24-inch piece of ribbon or yarn and lace through the hole in the frame for the necklace. Have them thread beads, tubed pasta and/or colorful pieces of paper straws onto the necklace for added flair. Now your mom has wearable art that captures the uniqueness of the little hands that created it!

My Mother, Myself Collage

This is an art therapy activity for those without a mother this Mother’s Day. Whether or not your mother is earth-side, we are all mothers to ourselves. In what ways do we care for ourselves? What are some positive mothering skills your mother has passed on to you? This project is an opportunity for you to explore your self-nurturing skills and to honor the memory of your mother.

Get reflective: Grab your favorite pen and two pieces of stationary paper. On one paper, brainstorm a list of ways your mom has mothered you. On the second paper, list all of the ways you take good care of yourself. 

Get inspiration: Then, look for magazine clippings of pictures and words that remind you of the ways she has shown her love (such as singing to you as a child, or cooking a comforting meal) and of the ways you show love to yourself (such as taking a hot bath or practicing yoga). 

Get creative: Glue the magazine clippings to a piece of cardstock or poster board. Adorn with embellishments like gemstones, beads, or artificial flowers and decorate with glitter for added sparkle. Try to tell a story of your mother’s love and your own self love through your art.

Then, step back and admire your work. Allow yourself to feel any emotions that arise and record them in a journal. You can frame your finished artwork, or place it on an alter next to other objects that remind you of your mother. This is a wonderful way to honor her life, love, love, and spirit while also reflecting on your own ability to love and care for yourself.

These art therapy projects can help you express and explore your relationship with your mom, and the finished product can be used as a gift memorial to your mom and her unique love. It is our hope that you find love, healing, growth and inner peace through one of these activities this Mother’s Day.

Contributed by Lift clinical intern Errin Gaulin

When Mother's Day Means Grief

For some, Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate the selfless woman who raised us, and for others, it can be a source of pain, longing, and grief. When a parent passes on from this life, we have a hole in our heart that can never be filled. While some are out celebrating with a bottomless brunch and a day full of sunshine and laughs, for others, this is the most challenging day of the month.

We can also grieve the lack of a relationship our mothers on Mother’s Day. Grief is often focused on the people who have passed, but we can also have a death of a relationship of the living. Navigating all types of grief leading up to the day is difficult considering a bombardment of sappy social media posts, tv commercials, brunch reservations, and various other reminders.

Understanding Grief:

There are 5 stages of grief:

Denial: Sometimes also referred to as shock, commonly the first stage.
Anger: It is normal to feel angry! Anger towards losing someone or loss of a connection is valid.
Bargaining: This is common when people start with the “if only” “I should have...” “What if”
Depression: Feelings of sadness, emptiness, loss of appetite, sleep disturbances.
Acceptance: Acknowledging the reality of the situation.

A common misconception is that the grieving process is linear, and that is not always the case. Sometimes you’ll feel like you have made progress, and somedays, you’ll feel like you have gone backwards. An event, such as Mother’s Day, may be triggering for people. Here are some ways to navigate Mother’s Day:

Unplug from social media:

Like any day to show appreciation to another person, people are drafting ideas for their Mother’s Day post days leading up to the holiday. Perfectly curated post filled with smiles and memories fill timelines of Facebook and Instagram may trigger feelings of resentment to those who are not able or wish to not celebrate the day. It is okay to take a few days away from social media. For those who open social media apps on muscle memory, consider deleting the apps from your device for a few days. You won’t lose your account, but it may give you more peace of mind.

Plan time away from celebrations:

If you know Mother’s Day impacts your mental health, it is best to stay away from places where people commonly celebrate, such as popular brunch places. Instead, consider spending your time engaging in a self-care day at home, going for a hike, surrounding yourself with loved ones who also may not be celebrating, ordering in that day, work on a home garden. During holidays focused on other people, it seems almost impossible to escape completely, but find space you can honor your needs for that day.

Reframing the holiday:

Mother’s Day can be spent in alternative ways if your mother has passed, or you don’t have a relationship with her. Consider celebrating the mother figures and other women in your life, celebrating mother nature, or bringing flowers to the cemetery.

Set up a session with a therapist:

Grief comes and goes like ocean waves. Some days are like calm waters, others feel like a hurricane. We never get over grief, but we learn how to move forward with it and grow around it. Mental health support can help you explore these feelings and teach coping strategies. We grieve because we love, that’s what makes us human.

Contributed by Kim Neat, LPC

Binge Eating Disorder (For Parents)

What is Binge Eating Disorder

Almost everyone occasionally finds comfort in food and overeats on occasion. This is totally normal and typical for the fast paced, stressful world that we live in today. Emotional eating can be a way of sometimes coping with stress and is part of normal life. On the other hand, individuals struggling with Binge Eating Disorder (BED) may experience this at a more frequent and extreme level. This may include eating much more than most people would in a sitting on a weekly basis (at least 1 day a week for 3 months), feeling out of control and guilty around food, and eating until uncomfortably full with or without feeling physically hungry. BED is not associated with compensatory behaviors such as excessive exercise, purging, or fasting as is common in other eating disorders such as Anorexia and Bulimia.

Signs and Symptoms

Since many children and teens struggling with BED feel embarrassed or guilty about their food behaviors, many do not reach out for support or share their struggles with family members. It’s important to look for key signs and symptoms that your child may be struggling such as:

• Large quantities of food missing, hidden wrappers, and sneaking food

• Eating unusually large amounts of food in a specific amount of time, such as over a two-hour period

• Rapid weight fluctuations

• Regularly skipped meals throughout the day

• Frequent isolation and eating in private

• Increased feelings of depression, guilt, or shame

How To Support

• Allow all foods to be available in the home. We tend to sometimes place moral values on our food, calling things “good” and “bad.” This is normal in the world that we live in today, full of diet advertisements and toxic food/body culture. It’s important to try to take these words away from food and understand that all foods can be healthy when eating in variety and moderation. By only allowing desserts on special occasions and labeling certain foods as “off limits,” it may trigger kids to eat excessively when given the option since they don’t know the next time they will be “allowed” to have it. It also puts a feeling of guilt for eating “bad” when in reality they are honoring their body’s physical and mental cues for hunger.

• Eat consistently throughout the day. Skipping meals may cause your child to feel overly hungry and out of control around food. This is the body’s natural reaction to extreme hunger; it is no longer able to sense its true cues and may end up leading to binging behaviors. Try helping your children with packing lunch for school and asking if they need assistance with preparing breakfast in the morning to keep on a consistent eating schedule.

• Speak positively about yourself. Children learn by example and tend to hold onto your words more than you might think. Showing your child that you can love and appreciate your body (and the food you eat) for what it does will help them try to feel the same way, especially with all of the bodily changes during puberty.

• Start the conversation. Instead of making statements around food such as “Are you sure you’re hungry for all of that?” and “Do you really want to be eating that?” try reframing your statements to focus on your child’s struggles. Asking questions/making statements such as “How can I support you right now?” or “It looks like you might be struggling, I’m here for you” can be helpful to open the conversation around the triggers and stressors in your loved one’s lives. It can be really difficult to reach out for support especially when feeling shame and guilt around eating patterns and body image. Showing that you care and accept them as they are rather than focusing on the behavior can be helpful for building trust and allowing them the space to talk.

• Practice movement as a family. Getting outside together as a family can be a great way to relieve stress and improve relationships and mental health. As the weather gets nicer, try going for walks with the dog, swimming at the beach, or playing sports as a family to continue to practice having an active and fun lifestyle.

• Seek treatment. Treatment for eating disorders is readily available by mental health professionals and can include many different courses of action. At Lift, you can seek out treatment that works for you and your loved ones including individual therapy, group therapy, parent support sessions, nutrition therapy, and psychiatry.

References:

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.

Written by Kelsey Riesbeck, our director of dietary services.

Click here for more information on Eating Disorder Treatment.

What is Pica?

The general public is most often aware of the more common eating disorders such as Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, and Binge-Eating Disorder. However, many people are not informed about the lesser known eating disorders such as Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), Rumination Disorder, and Pica. I hope to provide more education around Pica below!

Pica can be defined as: persistent eating of nonnutritive, nonfood substances (over a period of at least 1 month), with the eating of these substances being inappropriate to the developmental level of the individual, not part of a culturally/socially normative practice, and severe enough to warrant additional clinical attention if occurring with another mental disorder. There is typically no aversion to food associated with Pica.

“Nonnutritive, nonfood substances” can be described as foods that do not have any nutritional content, not including diet products with low nutritional content. Typical substances ingested by someone struggling with Pica might include: paper, soap, cloth, hair, string, soil, chalk, paint, gum, metal, pebbles, charcoal, ash, clay, starch, or ice.

The two most common causes of Pica include malnutrition and iron deficiency anemia, followed by pregnancy. In these cases, imbalances in the body may contribute to nonfood cravings as the body tries to replenish low nutrient levels or eats nonfood items to help feel full. Pica can also be co-occurring with other developmental conditions and mental disorders such as autism, intellectual disabilities, and schizophrenia (though must be severe enough to warrant an additional diagnosis).

Pica is typically only diagnosed following medical complications such as intestinal obstruction and constipation/diarrhea from ingesting items not digestible, mouth or tooth injuries, intestinal ruptures, lead poisoning, iron deficiency, and parasitic disease. Risks associated with developing Pica might include neglect, lack of supervision, and developmental delay. In some cultures, the eating of nonnutritive substances such as dirt/earth may be a socially normative practice and would not be considered Pica. 

There are a few ways you can support those struggling with Pica. I would first recommend reaching out to a medical professional and keeping an eye out for medical complications. Doctors can test for nutrient deficiencies and treat those first; in many cases the disordered eating behaviors may resolve after these deficiencies are corrected. If you have children, try childproof locks or high cabinets to keep items out of reach. If you believe you or someone you love is struggling with an eating disorder, please seek help from a psychologist and our team at Lift.

References:

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.

Written by Kelsey Riesbeck, our director of dietary services.

National Nutrition Month

March is National Nutrition Month; a month dedicated to education around the importance of good nutrition and exercise as part of a healthy lifestyle. Every year, the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics (AND) chooses a theme to focus on; this year’s theme is to “Celebrate A World of Flavor.” I love that this year’s theme is focused on inclusivity, and the fact that there is no one set model of “health” for all people. I want to focus on the importance of finding ways to respect bodies for what they need in ways that are manageable for people’s lifestyles, cultures, and differences. Here are a few tips to focus on “Celebrating a World of Flavor” and finding your “healthy” this month and the rest of the year:

 

1. Focus on a Variety of Foods

It’s important to nourish your body in ways that make you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally well. This means eating a large variety of foods from all the food groups- grains, proteins, fruits, vegetables, and dairy. Eating ONLY foods that you might label as “healthy” can quickly become unhealthy when ignoring foods you enjoy. I always encourage people to normalize that all foods (yes- cookies, ice cream, ~tasty foods~) can fit in a healthy diet as long as we practice moderation and variety. I recognize that in this day and age it can be difficult to find balance with our busy schedules. Therefore, it can be helpful and fun to plan a weekly menu in advance with your family members to ensure adequate variety. This way, you can try foods from new cuisines and cultures at least a few times per month and explore your taste preferences.

 

2. Explore Your Cultural Identity

"Celebrating the cultural heritage, traditions and recipes from all people is a tasty way to nourish ourselves, learn about one another and find appreciation in our diversity" says Registered Dietitian Nutritionist Libby Mills, a spokesperson for the AND. Ask your loved ones about family traditions and enjoy bonding over these. It can be fun and exciting to recreate old family recipes together, and keep these traditions alive from generation to generation. I encourage you to also create new traditions around food together with your loved ones.

 

3. Find Joy in Food

Food is such an important part of our daily lives; it is so crucial to our mental and physical health to enjoy the foods that we fuel our bodies with. If we ignore our cravings, our bodies and minds will continue to ruminate and think about these foods until the craving is satisfied. Sometimes, if we hold off for too long, it can lead to disordered behaviors and negative feelings around certain foods. Food is meant to be social, nourishing, emotional, and fun. I want to stress the importance of allowing yourself to eat the foods that you enjoy, in moderation! All foods can be included as part of a healthy diet when eating in balance and variety. Check out your local grocery stores for cooking inspiration and try having some fun in the kitchen! Cooking and trying new recipes/cuisines together can be a great way to bond with your family members, or even practice self care for you!

 

4. Move Your Body in Ways You Feel Good

We have all been taught that exercise is an important part of a long and healthful life. But most people don’t recognize the harms and physical damage of compulsive and unenjoyed activity. When we don’t fuel our bodies appropriately or are forced to participate in activity, the thought of exercise becomes dreadful, unappealing, and harmful to our mental and physical health. These patterns do not set us up for lifelong, positive relationships with exercise and our bodies. This month, I challenge you to find an activity that makes you feel happy, energized, and fulfilled. Light activities such as walking the dog, stretching, throwing a baseball, etc. are all ways to get active (as long as you are appropriately nourished to do so). Support local business by checking out yoga studios, climbing gyms, swimming classes, ice skating rinks, etc. Make sure you are enjoying yourself and honor your body when it does not feel up to exercise!

 

5. Meet With a Registered Dietitian

The world can be an intimidating and confusing place in regards to nutrition and finding what’s “healthy” for you. Unfortunately, the media is full of products which are meant to sell and fail in the long run; just so after you’re feeling down, you’re back to buy it again. Dietitians can help with deciphering these unclear messages and help find ways to respect your individualized cultural and medical needs in the world of nutrition. Please feel free to reach out to schedule sessions with a dietitian to help reach your long term goals and lead a healthy lifestyle that’s best fit for you.

 

Contributed by Kelsey Riesbeck

Surviving Your First Valentine’s Day Out in the LGBTQIA+ Community

It is a universal truth that finding and becoming your brave and authentic self is hard work. This is demonstrably felt when it comes to loving who society says you shouldn’t.

As LIFT clinician Kimberly Neat LPC shares, “One of my favorite movies that normalized same sex relationships is Love, Simon. When it was released while I was in graduate school, I saw myself in it: just a normal person trying to navigate relationships. My partner and I watched it on our first date, and we now love the Hulu spin off Love, Victor. My favorite quote from the whole movie, which still resonates for me now, is: ‘Why is straight the default?’”

This Valentine’s Day 2022, scores of newly out people in the LGBTQIA+ community will be celebrating Valentine’s Day and their first year of living in their bold and authentic truth. While many traditional holiday celebrations can feel hard to navigate as someone newly out in the community, Valentine’s Day can be especially so. Valentine’s Day has historical roots as a heteronormative holiday. This can lead to confusion amongst everyone from wait staff to the local jeweler. Kim Neat reveals, “My partner and I even get mistaken as twins…like all the time!”

Here are five strategies to navigate your first (or 100th) LGBTQIA+ Valentine’s Day. 

1. Research local LGBTQIA+ businesses.

Often, you can google your city and find LGBTQIA+ friendly businesses. You may even find LGBTQIA+ owned businesses! You could go on a coffee date, explore bookstores or even pick out jewelry for your loved one. If there is a business you are interested in, but you aren’t sure if it’s LGBTQIA+ friendly, call ahead and get more information. If you are reading this as an ally, make sure it’s clear everyone is welcome, even if it just means putting up a subtle ally symbol. If you’re local to CT, we all highly recommend Bloodroot, a feminist & vegetarian restaurant featuring homemade bread, a library, pretty views, and cats!, in Bridgeport, CT, for a memorable Valentine’s date night.

2. Plan a night in!

Representation is showing up on streaming platforms such as Netflix, Hulu, and HBO that feature movies and shows such as: Love, Victor, The L word, Gentlemen Jack, and Orange is the New Black. Look up the top LGBTQIA+ movies on queer media like Autostraddle and Out Magazine. They’re always updating their lists. You and your significant other could even make your own lists and compare notes. Cook dinner together while listening to an LGBTQIA+ podcast and eat your favorite heart shaped dessert as you exchange gifts in the comfort of your own space or where you feel safe.

3. Navigating the Wilderness.

Celebrating any firsts as someone who is out in the community can be difficult and isolating. You may have a supportive family or family of choice, or you may be in the midst of working through dynamics with friends and family who are still figuring out how you need them to show up for you. Self-care is beyond crucial, and it could be a good time to start talking to a mental health professional or participating in a peer support group of like-minded individuals as you continue to navigate and strengthen your truth. Valentine’s Day is about love, and loving yourself for who you are is the most important love.

4. Look to poetry! Homoerotic poetry is a genre of poetry implicitly dealing with same-sex romantic interaction (Walt Whitman and Michelangelo are two who wrote in this tradition.) Pat Parker wrote the short but sweet poem, “my lover is a woman/ & when i hold her / feel her warmth / i feel good.” Keith Jarrott wrote one of our favorite spoken word poems, “"Excuse me, Poem Are you gay? Have you grown contrarily To what I wanted you to say?" For a rich list of LGBTQIA+ poets, check out here.

5. Be You!

The most important strategy is being yourself and what that means for you. Remember the great Dr. Seuss quote, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” You are out, and some may see or experience you differently, but if you have come out recently, remember, you are still you. In fact, this year, you are the MOST you that you have ever been!

In closing, there is no right or wrong way to celebrate love. If you love rainbows, great! If you don’t love rainbows, that is great too! Whether you are celebrating Valentine's Day with an intimate partner or just for yourself, remember you don’t have to be anyone else but yourself, and to us, you are perfect.

Written and contributed by Kimberly Neat, LPC, with Mary Dobson, LMFT, CEDS

Your Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

Has anyone else noticed that at the stroke of midnight Christmas Day, the store shelves seemingly burst into red, white and pink?! (That is, if you can even see the shelves through the jungle of oversized stuffed animals creating a literal zoo in aisle nine.) Blind cupid once again takes aim to shoot his arrow – “directly into our wallets!,” some cynics would say. Whether you feel Valentine’s Day is a commercialized holiday invented by the capitalistic machine, or you are a true romantic with emoji-esque hearts-in-eyes, Valentine’s Day will cause an increase in pressurized anxiety for most who remember its approach. Here are five strategies to manage your Valentine’s Day blues, jitters, or fears of disappointment, whichever the case may be. 

1. Limit your time on social media.

Comparison is the thief of joy, and Instagram is a highlight reel. Many couples who are public about their relationship are already prepping their kitschy love-day posts, guaranteed to trigger an anxious (or nauseous!) response for all who view. Upon scrolling, you may begin to feel that your relationship (if you are in one) pales in comparison to the flames of their publicly declared passion. Or, if you’re single, you may begin to internalize your singledom as evidence of your unlovability. Put down the phone! Without a doubt, social media can be fun, but your time is better spent having your own fun than staring at your screen. Studies show that individuals in relationships post MORE about their paired status when the relationship is in disrepair. This does not mean that all posts are disingenuous, but you truly cannot know what the day-to-day experience of another individual is by their representation of their lives on social. So, remember that you can only live life through your own experience in the world, and spend your time coloring that experience with what brings YOU joy.

 2. Discuss expectations ahead of time. 

Communication is considered one of the seven elements of a healthy relationship. If you are in a relationship, DO communicate early and often with your partner well before Valentine’s Day to discuss plans, and be specific! Share whether you want to do gifts, and when. Decide what the price range should be on those gifts. Give hints! Set your partner up to succeed. Perhaps you wish to celebrate by having an experience, such as a couples massage, a special dinner, a hike, or a play. DO NOT wait until the last minute to share your expectations and make a plan. This will be a setup for feeling as though your partner doesn’t understand you. Partners are not intended to be mind readers, and we need to take responsibility for teaching our partners how to love us. This begins by sharing honestly what we like and don’t like. But, when sharing expectations, don’t forget to…

3. Be realistic!

Don’t be a sucker! Did you know that millennials spend 37% more than the rest of us on Valentine’s Day? The only right way to celebrate Valentine’s Day, if you choose to at all, is in a way that makes since to you and fits within your budget. Whether you’re in an intimate relationship or not, you do not want to bankrupt yourself on Valentine’s Day, right after paying off your Christmas credit card bill! When you make plans with your significant other, please do not confuse a costlier gift with a more meaningful one. Jewelry sparkles, but a price tag does not indicate your partner’s love. Gifts without meaning are empty, and when they can’t be afforded, can sabotage your long-term financial goals together. Keep in mind the things you really want in life in the big picture when planning your love day. If a big purchase is going to delay your down payment on your dream home together, you may want to celebrate with flowers, cards, and candy instead!

 4. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be with an intimate partner!

Often Valentine’s Day is marketed in the context of intimate relationships, but there are so other ways to celebrate! Our therapy team is having a Galentine’s Day Party, complete with personal heart-shaped charcuterie boards, flowers, self-care swag, and customized chocolates. Consider having a friend themed Valentine’s Day celebration and gather your nearest and dearest. You can also celebrate with family members, maybe spoiling nieces or nephews with chocolate and heart-shaped notes on their door describing all that you love about them. We know some who volunteer their time on Valentine’s Day at a local animal shelter, showing love to fuzzy friends who need some TLC.

5. Have a self-care day!

Love can be shown to anyone that you care about, including, and most urgently, yourself! YOU are the most important relationship you will ever have. Whether you are in a romantic relationship or not, please do not miss this opportunity to give yourself some extra TLC. Some of our favorite self-love activities: take yourself out for a <3 latte, get to a gentle yoga class, read in front of a cozy fire or throw on your favorite movie, grab a bath bomb, write a love-letter to yourself in your journal, do a gratitude meditation, turn that phone to do not disturb! You deserve to take some time to yourself. Fill your own personal cup to overflowing, so that any extra love that comes in is simply a bonus! 

A note for folks facing Valentine’s Day after heartache… 

The first Valentine’s Day after heartbreak is always the hardest, but, did you know there are some unique opportunities to release some pent-up anger? Few show up for the broken-hearted club quite like the businesses that love revenge! “Cry me a cockroach” is a fundraising event for the San Antonio Zoo. For a donation, a cockroach is named after your ex and fed to the animals. Also, Hooters traditionally will offer a shredding of a photo for free wings! And finally, local animal shelters will name liter boxes after an ex! Whatever it is that will ease the pain, there is probably an activity sponsored by a local business to fit your needs. 

In closing, no matter who or where you are, and what your romantic situation (or lack thereof!) is – and whether you are falling in, out, or in between love… we can ALL enjoy Valentine’s Day in whatever way works for us!

:: cupid drops arrow:: XO

Written and contributed by Kimberly Neat, LPC, with Mary Dobson, LMFT, CEDS

Lessons of Addiction Recovery That Are Rooted In Psychology

When you hear the word “addict,” what comes to mind? A person on the street begging for money? What about a person slumped over on the train that hasn’t moved in the last two stops? Those are the stereotypical images that come to mind when we think of addiction. Many do not think of our neighbors, who drive a Tesla, recycle, serve on the Board of Ed, and have a house in Stratton. We may watch with admiration the vivacious woman who sets off jogging every morning when the sun shines through the window, not understanding that if her four walls could talk, they would paint a different picture. Current statistics tell the true story, which is that nearly 21 million Americans have at least 1 addiction, and less than 10% receive treatment.

Have you noticed how attitudes towards therapy and addiction treatment have been shifting as the millennial generation reaches adulthood? What was kept secret and “swept under the rug” by previous generations is now outwardly discussed, and engaging in mental health recovery and trauma work have become nearly as normalized as going to the dentist, the gym, or getting your nails done. While the stigma towards personal recovery work is changing, a stigma remains towards people with an active addiction, making it far less likely that they will receive the treatment they need.

A few years ago, I saw a post while scrolling through Facebook that said, “Why is Narcan free but insulin so expensive?” Under the post there were many comments that seemingly wanted anyone who was revived by Narcan to be burned at the stake. My takeaway from that post is the first lesson in addiction recovery, which is rooted in psychology: we must see people first. This begins with how addiction is talked about, and with being intentional about the language we use. People are not their disorders, they are people. A powerful shift is created when we identify someone with addiction as ‘suffering from a substance use disorder,’ rather than labeling them an ‘addict. For recovery to be accessible to all, addiction must be treated as an illness, not a fixed characteristic.

An essential lesson in addiction recovery rooted in psychology comes from the Rat Park study in the 1970s. Dr. Bruce Alexander conducted an experiment in which he put rats alone in a cage with two water bottles, one laced with heroine. The rat would choose the heroine laced water and later overdose. However, when the rats were in community with other rats and engaging activities, the rats would choose the regular water. Similarly, when humans are engaged in their communities and involved in activities, they are less likely to engage in substance use behavior. Humans are wired for connection, and humans love to be entertained. This study has always represented to me the power of peer groupwork like Alcoholics Anonymous, or the many groups available at LIFT Wellness, where individuals are brought together for community, connection, and understanding, thus alleviating the powerful urge to get core needs met through substances such as alcohol, restrictive or emotional eating, or other compulsive behaviors.

Perhaps the most important lesson in addiction recovery rooted in psychology is understanding trauma. Trauma is the number 1 gateway drug. Trauma can mean different things to different people; we like to say there are “trauma with a lowercase t, or a capital T.” Being a victim of abuse, not having access to healthcare and self-medicating, not being able to afford housing, generational poverty, bullying, rejection, or growing up with emotionally unavailable parents can cause adverse childhood experiences (ACE’s.) An estimated 20% of Americans who have a depressive disorder or anxiety disorder, also go on to develop a substance use disorder. To understand addiction, we must understand trauma and the ways in which people attempt to numb instead of heal. Rather than face repressed and difficult emotions, individuals will often choose to avoid their pain by numb with drugs, alcohol, overeating, undereating, overexercise, shopping, gossip, gambling, social media, tv, or video games. Many feel that if they were to still themselves and open to the wok of expressing their trauma, they would not be able to withstand the resulting emotions- and this is untrue. With a trusted support system, we are capable of feeling all of our true and real feelings, and releasing the bonds of entrenched generational legacies of repression, secrecy, and denial. Regardless of which model of addiction recovery one subscribes to, this work is at the root of recovery for all sufferers.

In closing, please remember that addiction comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and tax brackets. To live as part of the solution, keep in mind that while empathy, compassion, and access to affordable healthcare and housing may not be able to take away trauma, these things comprise the start to a healing journey for all. 

Contributed by Kimberly Neat, LPC, with Mary Dobson, LMFT, CEDS

What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?

We at LIFT are surely not among the only folks who kept the holiday decorations up quite late this year. In fact, one of our clinicians set a probable record with her tree taken down on Martin Luther King Day!

For those facing eating disorders, let’s celebrate a win: you’ve officially made it through the media’s annual January fixation with fad diets and special gym promotions!

Yet, once the festivities of the holiday season are truly behind us, and the winter chill sets in to stay, many of us begin to dread the cold and darkness that will linger on for just a few more months. While it’s typical to dream of spring in these times, there is a difference between anticipating the sun’s return, and the beginning of seasonal affective disorder.

What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Do you notice your mental health declining as the days get shorter and the temperature drops? How about sadness when you go to work before sun rise and leave work after sunset? Do you notice this pattern every year between mid-October and early March? During this time, it is common for those who impacted by seasonal affective disorder to have the following symptoms: depressed mood, hopelessness, low energy, social withdrawal, weight fluctuation, and, withdrawal from activities. The difference between seasonal affective disorder and major depressive disorder is that these symptoms naturally dissipate during the spring and reappear in the fall.

How can you cope?

There are several strategies you can use while feeling the effects of seasonal affective disorder and worsened disordered eating.

1. The winter months do not have to be isolating; one strategy is to make time to for family and friends! With more technology than ever before, your loved ones are a FaceTime call away. There are game apps you can use if you can’t have fun with your favorite people in person as well as Zoom dinner parties. LIFT offers both virtual and in person peer groups, and both offer opportunities to meet new connections and build community with like-minded people. Or, you can set up a game night with your friends, an outdoor movie, a firepit, or a potluck!

2. Speaking of potlucks, be sure you are fueling your body with nutrient rich foods and staying hydrated. A symptom of seasonal affective disorder can be a change in appetite. Consuming the right foods can improve mood as well as making sure you get the right vitamins and minerals in your body and reducing malnutrition. For more help, consult with a dietician.

3. Grab Vitamin D whenever and wherever you can! Once winter starts, it feels like it lasts forever, but every now and then we get a beautiful day. Whenever you can catch that picture perfect day, soak up the sun! Exposure to light and naturally occurring vitamin D from the sun reduces symptoms of seasonal affective disorder. Although daylight is limited in the winter months, get as much natural light into your home as possible. Take advantage of that time to read a book in the sunroom or sit at the table with a cup of coffee and let the sun shine on you as you take the first sip. If you can get outside, go for a walk with your favorite podcast. And if you’re physically active, skiing, snow-shoeing, ice-skating, and forest bathing are wonderful ways of getting endorphins while absorbing some much-needed Vitamin D in nature- a double benefit!

Brene Brown said it best when she said shame needs three things to survive: secrecy, silence, and judgement. If you feel like you need additional support during the winter months, make an appointment with a therapist to process what you are feeling. Give yourself some grace and practice self-care during the winter months!

Contributed By Kimberly Neat, LPC, with Mary Dobson, LMFT

Bless Us, Every One... A Christmas Wish for you and I

Over the course of December, I had the pleasure of attending the Westport Country Playhouse production of A Merry Little Christmas Carol, adapted from Charles Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol. It was a Script in Hand reading, written and directed by Mark Shanahan. Script in Hand playreadings are intimate storytelling vehicles: no sets, no costumes. Just talented actors, bringing a story to life. This performance was a particular joy, as it reminded me of the true and resounding, timeless message of Charles Dickens words, penned in December 1843, yet still relevant, and perhaps the most important encapsulation of the spirit of Christmas.

In A Christmas Carol, as you may remember, Ebeneezer Scrooge, a prominent businessman and well-known curmudgeon, is visited by three spirits in one night, each intending to deliver a message to him about himself.

Have you ever been awoken in the night, full of a conviction, insight, or a determination about something you need to do, or be? I have, and it’s an experience one doesn’t forget. A searing clarity of direction can be enough to wake one from a sound sleep, with a burning desire that feels equally compelling when the sun rises.

Perhaps this phenomenon could be explained away by science. After all, our brains are very active doing important things in sleep. In fact, pronounced changes in electrical activity of the brain during sleep suggest that the brain’s trillions of nerve cells are literally rewiring themselves (especially during deep, slow-wave sleep,) creating an illustrated map of information, making new connections, and breaking other ones. This process enables us to put emotional experiences into context and produce controlled and appropriate responses. (Matthew Walker, University of California’s Sleep & Neuroimaging Lab, 2007.)

If you have had the experience of being awoken by a compelling sense of urgency to take action, or an awareness about yourself or someone else, you may seek even further explanation for this experience. Educational psychologist, author and sleep advocate Diane Gillespie wrote, “and the myth is that in the middle of the night, great insights come to us… sometimes… but also means they will fly by us during the day…”

When we are awake, we are busy rushing, achieving, and checking items off our to-do list (as was the case for Ebeneezer Scrooge, who left little time for matters of the conscience or the heart.) When we are asleep, however, we are still and receptive: open to new ideas, alternative viewpoints. Moments missed in the busyness and striving of our day may be integrated, seared into memory, and suggestive of more than what we noticed or observed at the time in our waking state.

This was true for Ebeneezer, who was haunted, if you recall, by three spirits: the past, the present, and the future. The past illuminated WHY he is the way he is. Scrooge was emotionally neglected; he suffered trauma and abandonment by his parents, and he was emboldened by educators who told him his only value is in production, because he wasn’t good enough to simply be loved. We later see this play out in intimacy issues; Ebeneezer cannot accept love from or be attuned to his fiancé, which drives her to leave him, fulfilling his fear that he is, in fact, unlovable. In this spirit visit, Ebeneezer gets a birds eye view of his life, and for the first time, experiences compassion for himself and the circumstances that led to him becoming who he is, and how those early life experiences drove, defined, and limited his present day.

The spirit of the present revealed to Ebeneezer how he presents to others, and all that he was missing by remaining closed off and disconnected from his community. This was something Ebeneezer had never considered in a waking state. While signs and cues had been there all along, his brain had never consciously taken stock of this perspective. This vision planted in Ebeneezeer a longing for more, a desire to be different, and the belief that perhaps the decision to do and be so would be up to him.

The spirit of the future was the last to appear. Ebeneezer was able to make a conjecture based on all he had learned, that continuing in his path would only harm him, and render his existence meaningless. It was this spirit that frightened Ebeneezer the most. Having taken stock of his life, Scrooge realized that he is a human being, not a human doing. He saw clearly that he had been surviving, and not living. And, Ebeneezer understood, for the first time, that life is preciously short, and that he was missing out on the full human experience in his singular effort to accrue wealth. He was being driven by his neuroses, fear of irrelevancy, and compulsions, and not by his heart. This final spirit convinced Ebeneezer that he could no longer go on in the manner he had been living, for to do so would be a fate worse than early death.

Concluding these spirit visits, Ebeneezer famously vowed to change, and change he did. Such a heartfeltawakening to life’s true purpose is powerful. Reflecting on one’s life, impact, and eventual passing, is vulnerable and life-changing work. Due to emotional limitations, this work could only happen in a dream-state for Scrooge, but it can happen more effectively during planned and strategic psychotherapy sessions, and through regular meditation, yoga, journaling, and breathwork.

Like Ebeneezer, let us not let another year go by missing the point! Look around you, and see your heart. Take the time to reflect, to integrate your body and brain’s infinite wisdom, and to actively and intentionally participate in your life, so there may be few regrets.

Let’s change the future by understanding the past, accepting the present, and realizing our true power to experience and enhance our lives. As Charles Dickens wrote: “I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will remember the lessons of the Past; I will live in the Present; I will live toward the Future. The spirits of all three will strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.”

For those of you local to Connecticut, please do not miss the opportunity to experience the gem that is the Westport Country Playhouse Jason Robards Theatre. You can also make a tax-deductible charitable donation, or give a gift card for a live theatre production to a loved one that will support the arts in our local community, by visiting www.westportplayhouse.org.

New Year’s Resolutions – and how to ACTUALLY achieve them!

The end of a calendar year, and the beginning of a new one, can yield mixed emotions. Processing the past year can be overwhelming, all while looking towards the future. Many will create “New Years Resolutions.” The promise of a new beginning, can provide initiative and incentive to achieve goals that may have gone by the wayside in the previous twelve months. With goal-setting, of course, also comes pressure, which can be both negative and positive. While any time is a good time to begin working towards a goal, harnessing the natural momentum created by a “fresh slate” mindset will offer some motivation to reaching whatever your personal goals are. Let’s talk about the ways you can support yourself in achieving those!

Create small attainable goals. If your goal is to improve your mental clarity and practice overall wellness but your steps to get there are cloudy, chances are you are going to be overwhelmed. Instead, focus on the small things you can do daily to work towards your goal. Maybe instead of practicing mindfulness breathing every other day, you give yourself a goal of 2-3 times a week. Instead of expecting yourself to journal daily, you allow yourself to shoot for 3-4 times a week. From there, you can work towards the bigger goals of daily practice.

Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Give yourself some grace! If your goal is something that is foreign to you, it isn’t going to be easy, but that's why it’s worth it. Allowing yourself to live in the “gray area” of black & white thinking can help you become comfortable with possible bumps or “slumps” in the road. Things take time, and that's okay. Trust the process and try to enjoy the journey. The most important thing to do when you slip up or forget to work on your goal, is to get right back on the horse!

Remind yourself of your “why”. Why do you want to make this change? Who are you doing it for? What might life look like in 3 months if you didn’t make any small changes today? Ask yourself these questions! Journal about them and keep it in a safe space to remind yourself of your WHY when you’re feeling discouraged. If you’re a visual person, use a visual aid placed in a prominent place to remind you of the way you hope to feel when you’ve achieved your goal. Example: if your goal is to spend more time with loved ones, but a photo of your family on your desk by your computer to remind you of the intention that you’ve set.

Enlist the help of others. Change is not easy, which is why it’s often avoided. Talk to your friends and family about the process. Telling people about your intentions will often keep you held accountable. If you are currently seeing a mental health professional, continue bringing up any of your struggles surrounding this change with them.

Finally, remember you are capable! You can and you will be successful. Use positive self talk even if- especially if!- you struggle at first. You create and strengthen neural pathways related to hopeful and expectant optimism each time you engage in positivity towards yourself.

Remember- we’re here for you, and you’ve got this!

Written by: Mikala Coppolella, M.A., NCC, LPCA

Weighing in on Holiday Stress & Food

The holiday season lies around the corner, and one dish is on the table for all: gathering with family! For many, family celebrations can be pretty stressful. Perhaps you have an aunt who comments on her latest fad diet, or a grandparent who tries to connect by goading and body shaming. Or, maybe your siblings want to bake cookies and you don’t yet trust in your recovery to eat a fear food intuitively without a subsequent shame spiral. You may even have a family of origin that insists you clear your plate, and watches your every bite to judge the progress of your recovery. Regardless of your situation, one thing is for sure: the holidays can be stressful, particularly when it comes to food.  

Holiday Stress! We’ve all been there. 

So many holiday traditions are focused on food preparation and consumption. Sharing special foods evoke nostalgia and a sense of tradition for many who have never suffered from an eating disorder. However, those with food and body concerns may tend to isolate from family gatherings in order to protect themselves from feeling pressured, judged or stressed. Family members and allies of individuals in recovery have a responsibility to preempt and openly discuss possible triggers, and to minimize food related stressors in the environment. 

The holidays can certainly be taxing for reasons other than simply food. Gift-giving and financial concerns often add burden to individuals who already struggle with depression and anxiety. The American Psychological Association has stated that over the holidays. 69% of Americans are stressed by the feeling of having a lack of time, 69% are stressed by perceiving a lack of money, and 51% are stressed over the pressure to give or get gifts. For individuals managing stress, anxiety, or in early recovery, coping skills, managing expectations, and setting clear and direct boundaries will come in handy. 

How Can One Cope?

First, many who suffer from eating disorders are people-pleasers, which may lead to making commitments that they don’t feel comfortable with in order to appease loved ones. This can cause individuals to feel overwhelmed, resentful, or regretful. A therapist or trusted friend can be utilized to create a plan of traditions that bring joy, and traditions that do not carry personal meaning. Communicate about traditions you feel comfortable participating in, and even create some new traditions of your own! 

Second, be realistic. If family gatherings during the holidays follow unhealthy patterns, make a plan in advance, such as bringing your own car, taking space for fresh air when overwhelmed, making a phone call for support, or leaving early if need be. Creating personal boundaries is essential.

Finally, there are times that family members give unhealthy advice. If your anxiety is worsened by family drama, strained relationships, or loss, consult your therapist to discuss and role play tactful and gracious responses to redirect conversations away from unproductive topics, and to alleviate the stress and tensions of family gatherings. 

Written by Mary Dobson, with contributions from Jaqueline Hernandez 

Click here for more information on Eating Disorder Treatment.

OCD and the Covid-19 Pandemic

Undeniably, Covid-19 has changed the world in more ways than one. The widespread uncertainty sparked by a global pandemic has had a profound impact on vulnerable populations. And, a culture of worry has spiked anxiety in many people who did not previously suffer.

For individuals with a diagnosis of OCD, the reality of contracting a threatening illness or being afraid of germs already existed before the pandemic. If you or a loved one suffer from OCD, you likely already know firsthand the myriad of challenges prompted by the Covid- 19 pandemic.

 First, let's understand what OCD is and isn’t. Obsessive compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder in which an unwanted thought (obsession) leads to a ritual (compulsion). OCD typically begins during childhood and adolescence and can affect any gender. Nevertheless, there are various subtypes of OCD, and contamination is frequently the focus. Contamination OCD is the obsessive thought of germs and illnesses that bring distress and alleviating this distress with excessive behavior. Examples of how this extreme behavior may display itself with constant hand washing, fear of getting sick, and fear of bodily fluids. According to ADDA (Anxiety & Depression Association of America), OCD affects 2.2 million adults, 1% of the U.S. population. Because this issue impacts so many, there is a strong probability that you will encounter someone with OCD in your lifetime. Therefore, it is vital to look at how people who have contamination of OCD manage their stress during this pandemic.

It is not the same for everyone!

Has Covid-19 worsened the condition of individuals suffering from OCD, or brought out new and emergent cases of OCD in previously asymptotic individuals? 

According to the American Psychological Association, "The situation amid COVID-19 may be leading health authorities and loved ones to unintentionally reinforce obsessions and compulsions for people with OCD and illness anxiety disorder. Ongoing and frequent reminders of social distancing, handwashing, and wearing facemasks to protect us from contracting or spreading the virus reinforce and add validity to compulsions that many diagnosed with contamination OCD were already doing. For individuals suffering from OCD, it’s nearly impossible to distinguish ritualistic behaviors from matters of safety precaution. 

A recent study evaluated patients who are diagnosed with OCD. This study administered a Yale-Brown Obsessive-Compulsive Scale (Y-BOCS) to compose a severity score before and after the lockdown. The data shows an increase in obsessions and compulsions, worsening since the lockdown. Nonetheless, it is essential to look at how OCD affects everyone differently. Behaviors and thoughts could vary on a spectrum. 

Many who had undiagnosed or diagnosed OCD may have felt as though they had prepared for the pandemic for their entire lives! Some have even an exhibited "I told you so" moments. All the contamination anxieties that came before this pandemic were validated. At the beginning of the pandemic, many OCD patients felt MORE comfortable, since others were doing their part by washing their hands, social distancing, and wearing face masks. However, after several months, symptoms became worse than ever. As a result, medical providers began to increase or add medication for their patients. 

While the pandemic rages on, OCD patients, especially kids from ages 8-12, are having an understandably tough time. Online learning and virtual activities (including counseling) have taken a toll on kids who depended on exposures to social interactions for their continued stability and wellbeing. For some children, hand washing behaviors have become a means of managing compulsive thoughts. When in-person school, activities, and therapy returned, many of our clients would have preferred to stay home to avoid stress due to new hygiene norms and the fear of contracting the virus or passing on the virus. 

While we have seen an uptick in OCD behaviors and symptoms in our practice, Suzan Song, the Division of Child/Adolescent & Family Psychiatry director at George Washington University points out, "rituals and obsessions are just getting worse because of general mental health.” So, as always, take good care of yourselves, normalize conversations about mental health, and seek help proactively if you’re concerned about yourself or a loved one. Lastly, please remember that this information is not a substitute for medical or psychological advice, and is simply intended to educate, inform, and open a larger dialog about mental health. If you have questions or concerns about yourself or a loved one who may be exhibiting signs of OCD, please reach out directly to discuss a consultation. 

References

Landau, E. (2020, October 6). Stress over pandemic makes OCD symptoms worse in some children. The Washington Post. 

Mclean Harvard Medical School Affiliate. (2020, October 4). Everything you need to know about OCD in the age of covid-19. Living With OCD During the Coronavirus Crisis | McLean Hospital. 

O'Neill, E. (2020, November 1). Pandemic raises special concerns for those with obsessive compulsive disorder. NPR.

Prestia Davide, Pozza Andrea, Olcese Martina, EscelsiorAndrea, Dettore Davide, Amore Mario (2020, September). The impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on patients with OCD: Effects of contamination symptoms and remission state before the quarantine in a preliminary naturalistic study. Psychiatry Research.

Rivera, R. M., & Carballea, D. (2020). Coronavirus: A trigger for OCD and illness anxiety disorder? Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 12(S1), S66.