Your Valentine’s Day Survival Guide
Has anyone else noticed that at the stroke of midnight Christmas Day, the store shelves seemingly burst into red, white and pink?! (That is, if you can even see the shelves through the jungle of oversized stuffed animals creating a literal zoo in aisle nine.) Blind cupid once again takes aim to shoot his arrow – “directly into our wallets!,” some cynics would say. Whether you feel Valentine’s Day is a commercialized holiday invented by the capitalistic machine, or you are a true romantic with emoji-esque hearts-in-eyes, Valentine’s Day will cause an increase in pressurized anxiety for most who remember its approach. Here are five strategies to manage your Valentine’s Day blues, jitters, or fears of disappointment, whichever the case may be.
1. Limit your time on social media.
Comparison is the thief of joy, and Instagram is a highlight reel. Many couples who are public about their relationship are already prepping their kitschy love-day posts, guaranteed to trigger an anxious (or nauseous!) response for all who view. Upon scrolling, you may begin to feel that your relationship (if you are in one) pales in comparison to the flames of their publicly declared passion. Or, if you’re single, you may begin to internalize your singledom as evidence of your unlovability. Put down the phone! Without a doubt, social media can be fun, but your time is better spent having your own fun than staring at your screen. Studies show that individuals in relationships post MORE about their paired status when the relationship is in disrepair. This does not mean that all posts are disingenuous, but you truly cannot know what the day-to-day experience of another individual is by their representation of their lives on social. So, remember that you can only live life through your own experience in the world, and spend your time coloring that experience with what brings YOU joy.
2. Discuss expectations ahead of time.
Communication is considered one of the seven elements of a healthy relationship. If you are in a relationship, DO communicate early and often with your partner well before Valentine’s Day to discuss plans, and be specific! Share whether you want to do gifts, and when. Decide what the price range should be on those gifts. Give hints! Set your partner up to succeed. Perhaps you wish to celebrate by having an experience, such as a couples massage, a special dinner, a hike, or a play. DO NOT wait until the last minute to share your expectations and make a plan. This will be a setup for feeling as though your partner doesn’t understand you. Partners are not intended to be mind readers, and we need to take responsibility for teaching our partners how to love us. This begins by sharing honestly what we like and don’t like. But, when sharing expectations, don’t forget to…
3. Be realistic!
Don’t be a sucker! Did you know that millennials spend 37% more than the rest of us on Valentine’s Day? The only right way to celebrate Valentine’s Day, if you choose to at all, is in a way that makes since to you and fits within your budget. Whether you’re in an intimate relationship or not, you do not want to bankrupt yourself on Valentine’s Day, right after paying off your Christmas credit card bill! When you make plans with your significant other, please do not confuse a costlier gift with a more meaningful one. Jewelry sparkles, but a price tag does not indicate your partner’s love. Gifts without meaning are empty, and when they can’t be afforded, can sabotage your long-term financial goals together. Keep in mind the things you really want in life in the big picture when planning your love day. If a big purchase is going to delay your down payment on your dream home together, you may want to celebrate with flowers, cards, and candy instead!
4. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be with an intimate partner!
Often Valentine’s Day is marketed in the context of intimate relationships, but there are so other ways to celebrate! Our therapy team is having a Galentine’s Day Party, complete with personal heart-shaped charcuterie boards, flowers, self-care swag, and customized chocolates. Consider having a friend themed Valentine’s Day celebration and gather your nearest and dearest. You can also celebrate with family members, maybe spoiling nieces or nephews with chocolate and heart-shaped notes on their door describing all that you love about them. We know some who volunteer their time on Valentine’s Day at a local animal shelter, showing love to fuzzy friends who need some TLC.
5. Have a self-care day!
Love can be shown to anyone that you care about, including, and most urgently, yourself! YOU are the most important relationship you will ever have. Whether you are in a romantic relationship or not, please do not miss this opportunity to give yourself some extra TLC. Some of our favorite self-love activities: take yourself out for a <3 latte, get to a gentle yoga class, read in front of a cozy fire or throw on your favorite movie, grab a bath bomb, write a love-letter to yourself in your journal, do a gratitude meditation, turn that phone to do not disturb! You deserve to take some time to yourself. Fill your own personal cup to overflowing, so that any extra love that comes in is simply a bonus!
A note for folks facing Valentine’s Day after heartache…
The first Valentine’s Day after heartbreak is always the hardest, but, did you know there are some unique opportunities to release some pent-up anger? Few show up for the broken-hearted club quite like the businesses that love revenge! “Cry me a cockroach” is a fundraising event for the San Antonio Zoo. For a donation, a cockroach is named after your ex and fed to the animals. Also, Hooters traditionally will offer a shredding of a photo for free wings! And finally, local animal shelters will name liter boxes after an ex! Whatever it is that will ease the pain, there is probably an activity sponsored by a local business to fit your needs.
In closing, no matter who or where you are, and what your romantic situation (or lack thereof!) is – and whether you are falling in, out, or in between love… we can ALL enjoy Valentine’s Day in whatever way works for us!
:: cupid drops arrow:: XO
Written and contributed by Kimberly Neat, LPC, with Mary Dobson, LMFT, CEDS
