Mother’s Day Art Therapy Ideas

Mother’s Day is a wonderful opportunity for you to express your love and appreciation to your mom through creative art projects that can be also be a personalized gift for your mom. These projects can help you explore your relationship with your mom through the creative process, and the finished product can be fun, thoughtful and unique way to express your love and appreciation for your mom and the many ways that she touches your life. The following ideas will get your creative juices flowing and will open your mind and heart. 

Mom’s Heart Map

Start by drawing an outline of a heart, then use your drawing, painting, and writing skills to create a diagram of what your mom’s heart looks like to you. Use this activity to create a visualization of all the things you love and appreciate about her. Be sure to include mom’s personal hobbies and any activities she enjoys. Maybe gardening sparks joy for your mom, or she loves making an intricate charcuterie board, or she loves to dance. Find a way to incorporate these elements into her heart map! If she’s a gardener, you can accent the heart with watercolor flowers or dried flowers; if she loves books, include quotes from her favorite reads. Get creative! You can use any kind of medium you can think of to decorate her heart map: felt tip pens, markers, paint, oil pastels, chalk, or colored pencils. Make it personal with embellishments made out of clay, sequins, beads, stickers, wooden cutouts, even found objects like small toys or sea glass. Anything that honors your mom belongs on her heart map. Make it fun! Receiving the heart map as a gift will bring her joy, but it will bring her even more joy for her to know that you had fun in the process. Go the extra mile and frame the heart map and gift it to your mom this Mother’s Day.

Framed Art Necklace

Here are the materials you’ll need:

• Sculpey Clay

• Skewer

• Plastic page protector

• Cardstock or poster board

• Tacky glue

• Markers

• Scissors

• Pencil

• Ruler

• Ribbon or yarn

• Beads

• Decorative paper straws

• Aluminum foil

• Baking dish

Have a younger sibling create a portrait of mom using markers or paint. Place the picture inside a plastic page protector and cut the plastic to fit the picture, then help them create a frame out of polymer clay. Encourage the use of different colors, and show then how to create different textures or patterns in the clay using different tools. For example, you can use a rubber stamp to create impressions in the clay, or straws to create circles. Use a skewer to poke a hole in the top center of the frame. Bake the clay according to package instructions (have an adult help if you are under 12), remove from oven and let cool completely. Carefully glue the picture inside the frame, and then have your sibling choose a 24-inch piece of ribbon or yarn and lace through the hole in the frame for the necklace. Have them thread beads, tubed pasta and/or colorful pieces of paper straws onto the necklace for added flair. Now your mom has wearable art that captures the uniqueness of the little hands that created it!

My Mother, Myself Collage

This is an art therapy activity for those without a mother this Mother’s Day. Whether or not your mother is earth-side, we are all mothers to ourselves. In what ways do we care for ourselves? What are some positive mothering skills your mother has passed on to you? This project is an opportunity for you to explore your self-nurturing skills and to honor the memory of your mother.

Get reflective: Grab your favorite pen and two pieces of stationary paper. On one paper, brainstorm a list of ways your mom has mothered you. On the second paper, list all of the ways you take good care of yourself. 

Get inspiration: Then, look for magazine clippings of pictures and words that remind you of the ways she has shown her love (such as singing to you as a child, or cooking a comforting meal) and of the ways you show love to yourself (such as taking a hot bath or practicing yoga). 

Get creative: Glue the magazine clippings to a piece of cardstock or poster board. Adorn with embellishments like gemstones, beads, or artificial flowers and decorate with glitter for added sparkle. Try to tell a story of your mother’s love and your own self love through your art.

Then, step back and admire your work. Allow yourself to feel any emotions that arise and record them in a journal. You can frame your finished artwork, or place it on an alter next to other objects that remind you of your mother. This is a wonderful way to honor her life, love, love, and spirit while also reflecting on your own ability to love and care for yourself.

These art therapy projects can help you express and explore your relationship with your mom, and the finished product can be used as a gift memorial to your mom and her unique love. It is our hope that you find love, healing, growth and inner peace through one of these activities this Mother’s Day.

Contributed by Lift clinical intern Errin Gaulin

When Mother's Day Means Grief

For some, Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate the selfless woman who raised us, and for others, it can be a source of pain, longing, and grief. When a parent passes on from this life, we have a hole in our heart that can never be filled. While some are out celebrating with a bottomless brunch and a day full of sunshine and laughs, for others, this is the most challenging day of the month.

We can also grieve the lack of a relationship our mothers on Mother’s Day. Grief is often focused on the people who have passed, but we can also have a death of a relationship of the living. Navigating all types of grief leading up to the day is difficult considering a bombardment of sappy social media posts, tv commercials, brunch reservations, and various other reminders.

Understanding Grief:

There are 5 stages of grief:

Denial: Sometimes also referred to as shock, commonly the first stage.
Anger: It is normal to feel angry! Anger towards losing someone or loss of a connection is valid.
Bargaining: This is common when people start with the “if only” “I should have...” “What if”
Depression: Feelings of sadness, emptiness, loss of appetite, sleep disturbances.
Acceptance: Acknowledging the reality of the situation.

A common misconception is that the grieving process is linear, and that is not always the case. Sometimes you’ll feel like you have made progress, and somedays, you’ll feel like you have gone backwards. An event, such as Mother’s Day, may be triggering for people. Here are some ways to navigate Mother’s Day:

Unplug from social media:

Like any day to show appreciation to another person, people are drafting ideas for their Mother’s Day post days leading up to the holiday. Perfectly curated post filled with smiles and memories fill timelines of Facebook and Instagram may trigger feelings of resentment to those who are not able or wish to not celebrate the day. It is okay to take a few days away from social media. For those who open social media apps on muscle memory, consider deleting the apps from your device for a few days. You won’t lose your account, but it may give you more peace of mind.

Plan time away from celebrations:

If you know Mother’s Day impacts your mental health, it is best to stay away from places where people commonly celebrate, such as popular brunch places. Instead, consider spending your time engaging in a self-care day at home, going for a hike, surrounding yourself with loved ones who also may not be celebrating, ordering in that day, work on a home garden. During holidays focused on other people, it seems almost impossible to escape completely, but find space you can honor your needs for that day.

Reframing the holiday:

Mother’s Day can be spent in alternative ways if your mother has passed, or you don’t have a relationship with her. Consider celebrating the mother figures and other women in your life, celebrating mother nature, or bringing flowers to the cemetery.

Set up a session with a therapist:

Grief comes and goes like ocean waves. Some days are like calm waters, others feel like a hurricane. We never get over grief, but we learn how to move forward with it and grow around it. Mental health support can help you explore these feelings and teach coping strategies. We grieve because we love, that’s what makes us human.

Contributed by Kim Neat, LPC

Binge Eating Disorder (For Parents)

What is Binge Eating Disorder

Almost everyone occasionally finds comfort in food and overeats on occasion. This is totally normal and typical for the fast paced, stressful world that we live in today. Emotional eating can be a way of sometimes coping with stress and is part of normal life. On the other hand, individuals struggling with Binge Eating Disorder (BED) may experience this at a more frequent and extreme level. This may include eating much more than most people would in a sitting on a weekly basis (at least 1 day a week for 3 months), feeling out of control and guilty around food, and eating until uncomfortably full with or without feeling physically hungry. BED is not associated with compensatory behaviors such as excessive exercise, purging, or fasting as is common in other eating disorders such as Anorexia and Bulimia.

Signs and Symptoms

Since many children and teens struggling with BED feel embarrassed or guilty about their food behaviors, many do not reach out for support or share their struggles with family members. It’s important to look for key signs and symptoms that your child may be struggling such as:

• Large quantities of food missing, hidden wrappers, and sneaking food

• Eating unusually large amounts of food in a specific amount of time, such as over a two-hour period

• Rapid weight fluctuations

• Regularly skipped meals throughout the day

• Frequent isolation and eating in private

• Increased feelings of depression, guilt, or shame

How To Support

• Allow all foods to be available in the home. We tend to sometimes place moral values on our food, calling things “good” and “bad.” This is normal in the world that we live in today, full of diet advertisements and toxic food/body culture. It’s important to try to take these words away from food and understand that all foods can be healthy when eating in variety and moderation. By only allowing desserts on special occasions and labeling certain foods as “off limits,” it may trigger kids to eat excessively when given the option since they don’t know the next time they will be “allowed” to have it. It also puts a feeling of guilt for eating “bad” when in reality they are honoring their body’s physical and mental cues for hunger.

• Eat consistently throughout the day. Skipping meals may cause your child to feel overly hungry and out of control around food. This is the body’s natural reaction to extreme hunger; it is no longer able to sense its true cues and may end up leading to binging behaviors. Try helping your children with packing lunch for school and asking if they need assistance with preparing breakfast in the morning to keep on a consistent eating schedule.

• Speak positively about yourself. Children learn by example and tend to hold onto your words more than you might think. Showing your child that you can love and appreciate your body (and the food you eat) for what it does will help them try to feel the same way, especially with all of the bodily changes during puberty.

• Start the conversation. Instead of making statements around food such as “Are you sure you’re hungry for all of that?” and “Do you really want to be eating that?” try reframing your statements to focus on your child’s struggles. Asking questions/making statements such as “How can I support you right now?” or “It looks like you might be struggling, I’m here for you” can be helpful to open the conversation around the triggers and stressors in your loved one’s lives. It can be really difficult to reach out for support especially when feeling shame and guilt around eating patterns and body image. Showing that you care and accept them as they are rather than focusing on the behavior can be helpful for building trust and allowing them the space to talk.

• Practice movement as a family. Getting outside together as a family can be a great way to relieve stress and improve relationships and mental health. As the weather gets nicer, try going for walks with the dog, swimming at the beach, or playing sports as a family to continue to practice having an active and fun lifestyle.

• Seek treatment. Treatment for eating disorders is readily available by mental health professionals and can include many different courses of action. At Lift, you can seek out treatment that works for you and your loved ones including individual therapy, group therapy, parent support sessions, nutrition therapy, and psychiatry.

References:

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.

Written by Kelsey Riesbeck, our director of dietary services.

Click here for more information on Eating Disorder Treatment.

What is Pica?

The general public is most often aware of the more common eating disorders such as Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, and Binge-Eating Disorder. However, many people are not informed about the lesser known eating disorders such as Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), Rumination Disorder, and Pica. I hope to provide more education around Pica below!

Pica can be defined as: persistent eating of nonnutritive, nonfood substances (over a period of at least 1 month), with the eating of these substances being inappropriate to the developmental level of the individual, not part of a culturally/socially normative practice, and severe enough to warrant additional clinical attention if occurring with another mental disorder. There is typically no aversion to food associated with Pica.

“Nonnutritive, nonfood substances” can be described as foods that do not have any nutritional content, not including diet products with low nutritional content. Typical substances ingested by someone struggling with Pica might include: paper, soap, cloth, hair, string, soil, chalk, paint, gum, metal, pebbles, charcoal, ash, clay, starch, or ice.

The two most common causes of Pica include malnutrition and iron deficiency anemia, followed by pregnancy. In these cases, imbalances in the body may contribute to nonfood cravings as the body tries to replenish low nutrient levels or eats nonfood items to help feel full. Pica can also be co-occurring with other developmental conditions and mental disorders such as autism, intellectual disabilities, and schizophrenia (though must be severe enough to warrant an additional diagnosis).

Pica is typically only diagnosed following medical complications such as intestinal obstruction and constipation/diarrhea from ingesting items not digestible, mouth or tooth injuries, intestinal ruptures, lead poisoning, iron deficiency, and parasitic disease. Risks associated with developing Pica might include neglect, lack of supervision, and developmental delay. In some cultures, the eating of nonnutritive substances such as dirt/earth may be a socially normative practice and would not be considered Pica. 

There are a few ways you can support those struggling with Pica. I would first recommend reaching out to a medical professional and keeping an eye out for medical complications. Doctors can test for nutrient deficiencies and treat those first; in many cases the disordered eating behaviors may resolve after these deficiencies are corrected. If you have children, try childproof locks or high cabinets to keep items out of reach. If you believe you or someone you love is struggling with an eating disorder, please seek help from a psychologist and our team at Lift.

References:

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.

Written by Kelsey Riesbeck, our director of dietary services.

National Nutrition Month

March is National Nutrition Month; a month dedicated to education around the importance of good nutrition and exercise as part of a healthy lifestyle. Every year, the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics (AND) chooses a theme to focus on; this year’s theme is to “Celebrate A World of Flavor.” I love that this year’s theme is focused on inclusivity, and the fact that there is no one set model of “health” for all people. I want to focus on the importance of finding ways to respect bodies for what they need in ways that are manageable for people’s lifestyles, cultures, and differences. Here are a few tips to focus on “Celebrating a World of Flavor” and finding your “healthy” this month and the rest of the year:

 

1. Focus on a Variety of Foods

It’s important to nourish your body in ways that make you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally well. This means eating a large variety of foods from all the food groups- grains, proteins, fruits, vegetables, and dairy. Eating ONLY foods that you might label as “healthy” can quickly become unhealthy when ignoring foods you enjoy. I always encourage people to normalize that all foods (yes- cookies, ice cream, ~tasty foods~) can fit in a healthy diet as long as we practice moderation and variety. I recognize that in this day and age it can be difficult to find balance with our busy schedules. Therefore, it can be helpful and fun to plan a weekly menu in advance with your family members to ensure adequate variety. This way, you can try foods from new cuisines and cultures at least a few times per month and explore your taste preferences.

 

2. Explore Your Cultural Identity

"Celebrating the cultural heritage, traditions and recipes from all people is a tasty way to nourish ourselves, learn about one another and find appreciation in our diversity" says Registered Dietitian Nutritionist Libby Mills, a spokesperson for the AND. Ask your loved ones about family traditions and enjoy bonding over these. It can be fun and exciting to recreate old family recipes together, and keep these traditions alive from generation to generation. I encourage you to also create new traditions around food together with your loved ones.

 

3. Find Joy in Food

Food is such an important part of our daily lives; it is so crucial to our mental and physical health to enjoy the foods that we fuel our bodies with. If we ignore our cravings, our bodies and minds will continue to ruminate and think about these foods until the craving is satisfied. Sometimes, if we hold off for too long, it can lead to disordered behaviors and negative feelings around certain foods. Food is meant to be social, nourishing, emotional, and fun. I want to stress the importance of allowing yourself to eat the foods that you enjoy, in moderation! All foods can be included as part of a healthy diet when eating in balance and variety. Check out your local grocery stores for cooking inspiration and try having some fun in the kitchen! Cooking and trying new recipes/cuisines together can be a great way to bond with your family members, or even practice self care for you!

 

4. Move Your Body in Ways You Feel Good

We have all been taught that exercise is an important part of a long and healthful life. But most people don’t recognize the harms and physical damage of compulsive and unenjoyed activity. When we don’t fuel our bodies appropriately or are forced to participate in activity, the thought of exercise becomes dreadful, unappealing, and harmful to our mental and physical health. These patterns do not set us up for lifelong, positive relationships with exercise and our bodies. This month, I challenge you to find an activity that makes you feel happy, energized, and fulfilled. Light activities such as walking the dog, stretching, throwing a baseball, etc. are all ways to get active (as long as you are appropriately nourished to do so). Support local business by checking out yoga studios, climbing gyms, swimming classes, ice skating rinks, etc. Make sure you are enjoying yourself and honor your body when it does not feel up to exercise!

 

5. Meet With a Registered Dietitian

The world can be an intimidating and confusing place in regards to nutrition and finding what’s “healthy” for you. Unfortunately, the media is full of products which are meant to sell and fail in the long run; just so after you’re feeling down, you’re back to buy it again. Dietitians can help with deciphering these unclear messages and help find ways to respect your individualized cultural and medical needs in the world of nutrition. Please feel free to reach out to schedule sessions with a dietitian to help reach your long term goals and lead a healthy lifestyle that’s best fit for you.

 

Contributed by Kelsey Riesbeck

Surviving Your First Valentine’s Day Out in the LGBTQIA+ Community

It is a universal truth that finding and becoming your brave and authentic self is hard work. This is demonstrably felt when it comes to loving who society says you shouldn’t.

As LIFT clinician Kimberly Neat LPC shares, “One of my favorite movies that normalized same sex relationships is Love, Simon. When it was released while I was in graduate school, I saw myself in it: just a normal person trying to navigate relationships. My partner and I watched it on our first date, and we now love the Hulu spin off Love, Victor. My favorite quote from the whole movie, which still resonates for me now, is: ‘Why is straight the default?’”

This Valentine’s Day 2022, scores of newly out people in the LGBTQIA+ community will be celebrating Valentine’s Day and their first year of living in their bold and authentic truth. While many traditional holiday celebrations can feel hard to navigate as someone newly out in the community, Valentine’s Day can be especially so. Valentine’s Day has historical roots as a heteronormative holiday. This can lead to confusion amongst everyone from wait staff to the local jeweler. Kim Neat reveals, “My partner and I even get mistaken as twins…like all the time!”

Here are five strategies to navigate your first (or 100th) LGBTQIA+ Valentine’s Day. 

1. Research local LGBTQIA+ businesses.

Often, you can google your city and find LGBTQIA+ friendly businesses. You may even find LGBTQIA+ owned businesses! You could go on a coffee date, explore bookstores or even pick out jewelry for your loved one. If there is a business you are interested in, but you aren’t sure if it’s LGBTQIA+ friendly, call ahead and get more information. If you are reading this as an ally, make sure it’s clear everyone is welcome, even if it just means putting up a subtle ally symbol. If you’re local to CT, we all highly recommend Bloodroot, a feminist & vegetarian restaurant featuring homemade bread, a library, pretty views, and cats!, in Bridgeport, CT, for a memorable Valentine’s date night.

2. Plan a night in!

Representation is showing up on streaming platforms such as Netflix, Hulu, and HBO that feature movies and shows such as: Love, Victor, The L word, Gentlemen Jack, and Orange is the New Black. Look up the top LGBTQIA+ movies on queer media like Autostraddle and Out Magazine. They’re always updating their lists. You and your significant other could even make your own lists and compare notes. Cook dinner together while listening to an LGBTQIA+ podcast and eat your favorite heart shaped dessert as you exchange gifts in the comfort of your own space or where you feel safe.

3. Navigating the Wilderness.

Celebrating any firsts as someone who is out in the community can be difficult and isolating. You may have a supportive family or family of choice, or you may be in the midst of working through dynamics with friends and family who are still figuring out how you need them to show up for you. Self-care is beyond crucial, and it could be a good time to start talking to a mental health professional or participating in a peer support group of like-minded individuals as you continue to navigate and strengthen your truth. Valentine’s Day is about love, and loving yourself for who you are is the most important love.

4. Look to poetry! Homoerotic poetry is a genre of poetry implicitly dealing with same-sex romantic interaction (Walt Whitman and Michelangelo are two who wrote in this tradition.) Pat Parker wrote the short but sweet poem, “my lover is a woman/ & when i hold her / feel her warmth / i feel good.” Keith Jarrott wrote one of our favorite spoken word poems, “"Excuse me, Poem Are you gay? Have you grown contrarily To what I wanted you to say?" For a rich list of LGBTQIA+ poets, check out here.

5. Be You!

The most important strategy is being yourself and what that means for you. Remember the great Dr. Seuss quote, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” You are out, and some may see or experience you differently, but if you have come out recently, remember, you are still you. In fact, this year, you are the MOST you that you have ever been!

In closing, there is no right or wrong way to celebrate love. If you love rainbows, great! If you don’t love rainbows, that is great too! Whether you are celebrating Valentine's Day with an intimate partner or just for yourself, remember you don’t have to be anyone else but yourself, and to us, you are perfect.

Written and contributed by Kimberly Neat, LPC, with Mary Dobson, LMFT, CEDS

Your Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

Has anyone else noticed that at the stroke of midnight Christmas Day, the store shelves seemingly burst into red, white and pink?! (That is, if you can even see the shelves through the jungle of oversized stuffed animals creating a literal zoo in aisle nine.) Blind cupid once again takes aim to shoot his arrow – “directly into our wallets!,” some cynics would say. Whether you feel Valentine’s Day is a commercialized holiday invented by the capitalistic machine, or you are a true romantic with emoji-esque hearts-in-eyes, Valentine’s Day will cause an increase in pressurized anxiety for most who remember its approach. Here are five strategies to manage your Valentine’s Day blues, jitters, or fears of disappointment, whichever the case may be. 

1. Limit your time on social media.

Comparison is the thief of joy, and Instagram is a highlight reel. Many couples who are public about their relationship are already prepping their kitschy love-day posts, guaranteed to trigger an anxious (or nauseous!) response for all who view. Upon scrolling, you may begin to feel that your relationship (if you are in one) pales in comparison to the flames of their publicly declared passion. Or, if you’re single, you may begin to internalize your singledom as evidence of your unlovability. Put down the phone! Without a doubt, social media can be fun, but your time is better spent having your own fun than staring at your screen. Studies show that individuals in relationships post MORE about their paired status when the relationship is in disrepair. This does not mean that all posts are disingenuous, but you truly cannot know what the day-to-day experience of another individual is by their representation of their lives on social. So, remember that you can only live life through your own experience in the world, and spend your time coloring that experience with what brings YOU joy.

 2. Discuss expectations ahead of time. 

Communication is considered one of the seven elements of a healthy relationship. If you are in a relationship, DO communicate early and often with your partner well before Valentine’s Day to discuss plans, and be specific! Share whether you want to do gifts, and when. Decide what the price range should be on those gifts. Give hints! Set your partner up to succeed. Perhaps you wish to celebrate by having an experience, such as a couples massage, a special dinner, a hike, or a play. DO NOT wait until the last minute to share your expectations and make a plan. This will be a setup for feeling as though your partner doesn’t understand you. Partners are not intended to be mind readers, and we need to take responsibility for teaching our partners how to love us. This begins by sharing honestly what we like and don’t like. But, when sharing expectations, don’t forget to…

3. Be realistic!

Don’t be a sucker! Did you know that millennials spend 37% more than the rest of us on Valentine’s Day? The only right way to celebrate Valentine’s Day, if you choose to at all, is in a way that makes since to you and fits within your budget. Whether you’re in an intimate relationship or not, you do not want to bankrupt yourself on Valentine’s Day, right after paying off your Christmas credit card bill! When you make plans with your significant other, please do not confuse a costlier gift with a more meaningful one. Jewelry sparkles, but a price tag does not indicate your partner’s love. Gifts without meaning are empty, and when they can’t be afforded, can sabotage your long-term financial goals together. Keep in mind the things you really want in life in the big picture when planning your love day. If a big purchase is going to delay your down payment on your dream home together, you may want to celebrate with flowers, cards, and candy instead!

 4. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be with an intimate partner!

Often Valentine’s Day is marketed in the context of intimate relationships, but there are so other ways to celebrate! Our therapy team is having a Galentine’s Day Party, complete with personal heart-shaped charcuterie boards, flowers, self-care swag, and customized chocolates. Consider having a friend themed Valentine’s Day celebration and gather your nearest and dearest. You can also celebrate with family members, maybe spoiling nieces or nephews with chocolate and heart-shaped notes on their door describing all that you love about them. We know some who volunteer their time on Valentine’s Day at a local animal shelter, showing love to fuzzy friends who need some TLC.

5. Have a self-care day!

Love can be shown to anyone that you care about, including, and most urgently, yourself! YOU are the most important relationship you will ever have. Whether you are in a romantic relationship or not, please do not miss this opportunity to give yourself some extra TLC. Some of our favorite self-love activities: take yourself out for a <3 latte, get to a gentle yoga class, read in front of a cozy fire or throw on your favorite movie, grab a bath bomb, write a love-letter to yourself in your journal, do a gratitude meditation, turn that phone to do not disturb! You deserve to take some time to yourself. Fill your own personal cup to overflowing, so that any extra love that comes in is simply a bonus! 

A note for folks facing Valentine’s Day after heartache… 

The first Valentine’s Day after heartbreak is always the hardest, but, did you know there are some unique opportunities to release some pent-up anger? Few show up for the broken-hearted club quite like the businesses that love revenge! “Cry me a cockroach” is a fundraising event for the San Antonio Zoo. For a donation, a cockroach is named after your ex and fed to the animals. Also, Hooters traditionally will offer a shredding of a photo for free wings! And finally, local animal shelters will name liter boxes after an ex! Whatever it is that will ease the pain, there is probably an activity sponsored by a local business to fit your needs. 

In closing, no matter who or where you are, and what your romantic situation (or lack thereof!) is – and whether you are falling in, out, or in between love… we can ALL enjoy Valentine’s Day in whatever way works for us!

:: cupid drops arrow:: XO

Written and contributed by Kimberly Neat, LPC, with Mary Dobson, LMFT, CEDS

Lessons of Addiction Recovery That Are Rooted In Psychology

When you hear the word “addict,” what comes to mind? A person on the street begging for money? What about a person slumped over on the train that hasn’t moved in the last two stops? Those are the stereotypical images that come to mind when we think of addiction. Many do not think of our neighbors, who drive a Tesla, recycle, serve on the Board of Ed, and have a house in Stratton. We may watch with admiration the vivacious woman who sets off jogging every morning when the sun shines through the window, not understanding that if her four walls could talk, they would paint a different picture. Current statistics tell the true story, which is that nearly 21 million Americans have at least 1 addiction, and less than 10% receive treatment.

Have you noticed how attitudes towards therapy and addiction treatment have been shifting as the millennial generation reaches adulthood? What was kept secret and “swept under the rug” by previous generations is now outwardly discussed, and engaging in mental health recovery and trauma work have become nearly as normalized as going to the dentist, the gym, or getting your nails done. While the stigma towards personal recovery work is changing, a stigma remains towards people with an active addiction, making it far less likely that they will receive the treatment they need.

A few years ago, I saw a post while scrolling through Facebook that said, “Why is Narcan free but insulin so expensive?” Under the post there were many comments that seemingly wanted anyone who was revived by Narcan to be burned at the stake. My takeaway from that post is the first lesson in addiction recovery, which is rooted in psychology: we must see people first. This begins with how addiction is talked about, and with being intentional about the language we use. People are not their disorders, they are people. A powerful shift is created when we identify someone with addiction as ‘suffering from a substance use disorder,’ rather than labeling them an ‘addict. For recovery to be accessible to all, addiction must be treated as an illness, not a fixed characteristic.

An essential lesson in addiction recovery rooted in psychology comes from the Rat Park study in the 1970s. Dr. Bruce Alexander conducted an experiment in which he put rats alone in a cage with two water bottles, one laced with heroine. The rat would choose the heroine laced water and later overdose. However, when the rats were in community with other rats and engaging activities, the rats would choose the regular water. Similarly, when humans are engaged in their communities and involved in activities, they are less likely to engage in substance use behavior. Humans are wired for connection, and humans love to be entertained. This study has always represented to me the power of peer groupwork like Alcoholics Anonymous, or the many groups available at LIFT Wellness, where individuals are brought together for community, connection, and understanding, thus alleviating the powerful urge to get core needs met through substances such as alcohol, restrictive or emotional eating, or other compulsive behaviors.

Perhaps the most important lesson in addiction recovery rooted in psychology is understanding trauma. Trauma is the number 1 gateway drug. Trauma can mean different things to different people; we like to say there are “trauma with a lowercase t, or a capital T.” Being a victim of abuse, not having access to healthcare and self-medicating, not being able to afford housing, generational poverty, bullying, rejection, or growing up with emotionally unavailable parents can cause adverse childhood experiences (ACE’s.) An estimated 20% of Americans who have a depressive disorder or anxiety disorder, also go on to develop a substance use disorder. To understand addiction, we must understand trauma and the ways in which people attempt to numb instead of heal. Rather than face repressed and difficult emotions, individuals will often choose to avoid their pain by numb with drugs, alcohol, overeating, undereating, overexercise, shopping, gossip, gambling, social media, tv, or video games. Many feel that if they were to still themselves and open to the wok of expressing their trauma, they would not be able to withstand the resulting emotions- and this is untrue. With a trusted support system, we are capable of feeling all of our true and real feelings, and releasing the bonds of entrenched generational legacies of repression, secrecy, and denial. Regardless of which model of addiction recovery one subscribes to, this work is at the root of recovery for all sufferers.

In closing, please remember that addiction comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and tax brackets. To live as part of the solution, keep in mind that while empathy, compassion, and access to affordable healthcare and housing may not be able to take away trauma, these things comprise the start to a healing journey for all. 

Contributed by Kimberly Neat, LPC, with Mary Dobson, LMFT, CEDS

What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?

We at LIFT are surely not among the only folks who kept the holiday decorations up quite late this year. In fact, one of our clinicians set a probable record with her tree taken down on Martin Luther King Day!

For those facing eating disorders, let’s celebrate a win: you’ve officially made it through the media’s annual January fixation with fad diets and special gym promotions!

Yet, once the festivities of the holiday season are truly behind us, and the winter chill sets in to stay, many of us begin to dread the cold and darkness that will linger on for just a few more months. While it’s typical to dream of spring in these times, there is a difference between anticipating the sun’s return, and the beginning of seasonal affective disorder.

What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Do you notice your mental health declining as the days get shorter and the temperature drops? How about sadness when you go to work before sun rise and leave work after sunset? Do you notice this pattern every year between mid-October and early March? During this time, it is common for those who impacted by seasonal affective disorder to have the following symptoms: depressed mood, hopelessness, low energy, social withdrawal, weight fluctuation, and, withdrawal from activities. The difference between seasonal affective disorder and major depressive disorder is that these symptoms naturally dissipate during the spring and reappear in the fall.

How can you cope?

There are several strategies you can use while feeling the effects of seasonal affective disorder and worsened disordered eating.

1. The winter months do not have to be isolating; one strategy is to make time to for family and friends! With more technology than ever before, your loved ones are a FaceTime call away. There are game apps you can use if you can’t have fun with your favorite people in person as well as Zoom dinner parties. LIFT offers both virtual and in person peer groups, and both offer opportunities to meet new connections and build community with like-minded people. Or, you can set up a game night with your friends, an outdoor movie, a firepit, or a potluck!

2. Speaking of potlucks, be sure you are fueling your body with nutrient rich foods and staying hydrated. A symptom of seasonal affective disorder can be a change in appetite. Consuming the right foods can improve mood as well as making sure you get the right vitamins and minerals in your body and reducing malnutrition. For more help, consult with a dietician.

3. Grab Vitamin D whenever and wherever you can! Once winter starts, it feels like it lasts forever, but every now and then we get a beautiful day. Whenever you can catch that picture perfect day, soak up the sun! Exposure to light and naturally occurring vitamin D from the sun reduces symptoms of seasonal affective disorder. Although daylight is limited in the winter months, get as much natural light into your home as possible. Take advantage of that time to read a book in the sunroom or sit at the table with a cup of coffee and let the sun shine on you as you take the first sip. If you can get outside, go for a walk with your favorite podcast. And if you’re physically active, skiing, snow-shoeing, ice-skating, and forest bathing are wonderful ways of getting endorphins while absorbing some much-needed Vitamin D in nature- a double benefit!

Brene Brown said it best when she said shame needs three things to survive: secrecy, silence, and judgement. If you feel like you need additional support during the winter months, make an appointment with a therapist to process what you are feeling. Give yourself some grace and practice self-care during the winter months!

Contributed By Kimberly Neat, LPC, with Mary Dobson, LMFT

Bless Us, Every One... A Christmas Wish for you and I

Over the course of December, I had the pleasure of attending the Westport Country Playhouse production of A Merry Little Christmas Carol, adapted from Charles Dickens classic, A Christmas Carol. It was a Script in Hand reading, written and directed by Mark Shanahan. Script in Hand playreadings are intimate storytelling vehicles: no sets, no costumes. Just talented actors, bringing a story to life. This performance was a particular joy, as it reminded me of the true and resounding, timeless message of Charles Dickens words, penned in December 1843, yet still relevant, and perhaps the most important encapsulation of the spirit of Christmas.

In A Christmas Carol, as you may remember, Ebeneezer Scrooge, a prominent businessman and well-known curmudgeon, is visited by three spirits in one night, each intending to deliver a message to him about himself.

Have you ever been awoken in the night, full of a conviction, insight, or a determination about something you need to do, or be? I have, and it’s an experience one doesn’t forget. A searing clarity of direction can be enough to wake one from a sound sleep, with a burning desire that feels equally compelling when the sun rises.

Perhaps this phenomenon could be explained away by science. After all, our brains are very active doing important things in sleep. In fact, pronounced changes in electrical activity of the brain during sleep suggest that the brain’s trillions of nerve cells are literally rewiring themselves (especially during deep, slow-wave sleep,) creating an illustrated map of information, making new connections, and breaking other ones. This process enables us to put emotional experiences into context and produce controlled and appropriate responses. (Matthew Walker, University of California’s Sleep & Neuroimaging Lab, 2007.)

If you have had the experience of being awoken by a compelling sense of urgency to take action, or an awareness about yourself or someone else, you may seek even further explanation for this experience. Educational psychologist, author and sleep advocate Diane Gillespie wrote, “and the myth is that in the middle of the night, great insights come to us… sometimes… but also means they will fly by us during the day…”

When we are awake, we are busy rushing, achieving, and checking items off our to-do list (as was the case for Ebeneezer Scrooge, who left little time for matters of the conscience or the heart.) When we are asleep, however, we are still and receptive: open to new ideas, alternative viewpoints. Moments missed in the busyness and striving of our day may be integrated, seared into memory, and suggestive of more than what we noticed or observed at the time in our waking state.

This was true for Ebeneezer, who was haunted, if you recall, by three spirits: the past, the present, and the future. The past illuminated WHY he is the way he is. Scrooge was emotionally neglected; he suffered trauma and abandonment by his parents, and he was emboldened by educators who told him his only value is in production, because he wasn’t good enough to simply be loved. We later see this play out in intimacy issues; Ebeneezer cannot accept love from or be attuned to his fiancé, which drives her to leave him, fulfilling his fear that he is, in fact, unlovable. In this spirit visit, Ebeneezer gets a birds eye view of his life, and for the first time, experiences compassion for himself and the circumstances that led to him becoming who he is, and how those early life experiences drove, defined, and limited his present day.

The spirit of the present revealed to Ebeneezer how he presents to others, and all that he was missing by remaining closed off and disconnected from his community. This was something Ebeneezer had never considered in a waking state. While signs and cues had been there all along, his brain had never consciously taken stock of this perspective. This vision planted in Ebeneezeer a longing for more, a desire to be different, and the belief that perhaps the decision to do and be so would be up to him.

The spirit of the future was the last to appear. Ebeneezer was able to make a conjecture based on all he had learned, that continuing in his path would only harm him, and render his existence meaningless. It was this spirit that frightened Ebeneezer the most. Having taken stock of his life, Scrooge realized that he is a human being, not a human doing. He saw clearly that he had been surviving, and not living. And, Ebeneezer understood, for the first time, that life is preciously short, and that he was missing out on the full human experience in his singular effort to accrue wealth. He was being driven by his neuroses, fear of irrelevancy, and compulsions, and not by his heart. This final spirit convinced Ebeneezer that he could no longer go on in the manner he had been living, for to do so would be a fate worse than early death.

Concluding these spirit visits, Ebeneezer famously vowed to change, and change he did. Such a heartfeltawakening to life’s true purpose is powerful. Reflecting on one’s life, impact, and eventual passing, is vulnerable and life-changing work. Due to emotional limitations, this work could only happen in a dream-state for Scrooge, but it can happen more effectively during planned and strategic psychotherapy sessions, and through regular meditation, yoga, journaling, and breathwork.

Like Ebeneezer, let us not let another year go by missing the point! Look around you, and see your heart. Take the time to reflect, to integrate your body and brain’s infinite wisdom, and to actively and intentionally participate in your life, so there may be few regrets.

Let’s change the future by understanding the past, accepting the present, and realizing our true power to experience and enhance our lives. As Charles Dickens wrote: “I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will remember the lessons of the Past; I will live in the Present; I will live toward the Future. The spirits of all three will strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.”

For those of you local to Connecticut, please do not miss the opportunity to experience the gem that is the Westport Country Playhouse Jason Robards Theatre. You can also make a tax-deductible charitable donation, or give a gift card for a live theatre production to a loved one that will support the arts in our local community, by visiting www.westportplayhouse.org.

New Year’s Resolutions – and how to ACTUALLY achieve them!

The end of a calendar year, and the beginning of a new one, can yield mixed emotions. Processing the past year can be overwhelming, all while looking towards the future. Many will create “New Years Resolutions.” The promise of a new beginning, can provide initiative and incentive to achieve goals that may have gone by the wayside in the previous twelve months. With goal-setting, of course, also comes pressure, which can be both negative and positive. While any time is a good time to begin working towards a goal, harnessing the natural momentum created by a “fresh slate” mindset will offer some motivation to reaching whatever your personal goals are. Let’s talk about the ways you can support yourself in achieving those!

Create small attainable goals. If your goal is to improve your mental clarity and practice overall wellness but your steps to get there are cloudy, chances are you are going to be overwhelmed. Instead, focus on the small things you can do daily to work towards your goal. Maybe instead of practicing mindfulness breathing every other day, you give yourself a goal of 2-3 times a week. Instead of expecting yourself to journal daily, you allow yourself to shoot for 3-4 times a week. From there, you can work towards the bigger goals of daily practice.

Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Give yourself some grace! If your goal is something that is foreign to you, it isn’t going to be easy, but that's why it’s worth it. Allowing yourself to live in the “gray area” of black & white thinking can help you become comfortable with possible bumps or “slumps” in the road. Things take time, and that's okay. Trust the process and try to enjoy the journey. The most important thing to do when you slip up or forget to work on your goal, is to get right back on the horse!

Remind yourself of your “why”. Why do you want to make this change? Who are you doing it for? What might life look like in 3 months if you didn’t make any small changes today? Ask yourself these questions! Journal about them and keep it in a safe space to remind yourself of your WHY when you’re feeling discouraged. If you’re a visual person, use a visual aid placed in a prominent place to remind you of the way you hope to feel when you’ve achieved your goal. Example: if your goal is to spend more time with loved ones, but a photo of your family on your desk by your computer to remind you of the intention that you’ve set.

Enlist the help of others. Change is not easy, which is why it’s often avoided. Talk to your friends and family about the process. Telling people about your intentions will often keep you held accountable. If you are currently seeing a mental health professional, continue bringing up any of your struggles surrounding this change with them.

Finally, remember you are capable! You can and you will be successful. Use positive self talk even if- especially if!- you struggle at first. You create and strengthen neural pathways related to hopeful and expectant optimism each time you engage in positivity towards yourself.

Remember- we’re here for you, and you’ve got this!

Written by: Mikala Coppolella, M.A., NCC, LPCA

Weighing in on Holiday Stress & Food

The holiday season lies around the corner, and one dish is on the table for all: gathering with family! For many, family celebrations can be pretty stressful. Perhaps you have an aunt who comments on her latest fad diet, or a grandparent who tries to connect by goading and body shaming. Or, maybe your siblings want to bake cookies and you don’t yet trust in your recovery to eat a fear food intuitively without a subsequent shame spiral. You may even have a family of origin that insists you clear your plate, and watches your every bite to judge the progress of your recovery. Regardless of your situation, one thing is for sure: the holidays can be stressful, particularly when it comes to food.  

Holiday Stress! We’ve all been there. 

So many holiday traditions are focused on food preparation and consumption. Sharing special foods evoke nostalgia and a sense of tradition for many who have never suffered from an eating disorder. However, those with food and body concerns may tend to isolate from family gatherings in order to protect themselves from feeling pressured, judged or stressed. Family members and allies of individuals in recovery have a responsibility to preempt and openly discuss possible triggers, and to minimize food related stressors in the environment. 

The holidays can certainly be taxing for reasons other than simply food. Gift-giving and financial concerns often add burden to individuals who already struggle with depression and anxiety. The American Psychological Association has stated that over the holidays. 69% of Americans are stressed by the feeling of having a lack of time, 69% are stressed by perceiving a lack of money, and 51% are stressed over the pressure to give or get gifts. For individuals managing stress, anxiety, or in early recovery, coping skills, managing expectations, and setting clear and direct boundaries will come in handy. 

How Can One Cope?

First, many who suffer from eating disorders are people-pleasers, which may lead to making commitments that they don’t feel comfortable with in order to appease loved ones. This can cause individuals to feel overwhelmed, resentful, or regretful. A therapist or trusted friend can be utilized to create a plan of traditions that bring joy, and traditions that do not carry personal meaning. Communicate about traditions you feel comfortable participating in, and even create some new traditions of your own! 

Second, be realistic. If family gatherings during the holidays follow unhealthy patterns, make a plan in advance, such as bringing your own car, taking space for fresh air when overwhelmed, making a phone call for support, or leaving early if need be. Creating personal boundaries is essential.

Finally, there are times that family members give unhealthy advice. If your anxiety is worsened by family drama, strained relationships, or loss, consult your therapist to discuss and role play tactful and gracious responses to redirect conversations away from unproductive topics, and to alleviate the stress and tensions of family gatherings. 

Written by Mary Dobson, with contributions from Jaqueline Hernandez 

Click here for more information on Eating Disorder Treatment.

OCD and the Covid-19 Pandemic

Undeniably, Covid-19 has changed the world in more ways than one. The widespread uncertainty sparked by a global pandemic has had a profound impact on vulnerable populations. And, a culture of worry has spiked anxiety in many people who did not previously suffer.

For individuals with a diagnosis of OCD, the reality of contracting a threatening illness or being afraid of germs already existed before the pandemic. If you or a loved one suffer from OCD, you likely already know firsthand the myriad of challenges prompted by the Covid- 19 pandemic.

 First, let's understand what OCD is and isn’t. Obsessive compulsive disorder is an anxiety disorder in which an unwanted thought (obsession) leads to a ritual (compulsion). OCD typically begins during childhood and adolescence and can affect any gender. Nevertheless, there are various subtypes of OCD, and contamination is frequently the focus. Contamination OCD is the obsessive thought of germs and illnesses that bring distress and alleviating this distress with excessive behavior. Examples of how this extreme behavior may display itself with constant hand washing, fear of getting sick, and fear of bodily fluids. According to ADDA (Anxiety & Depression Association of America), OCD affects 2.2 million adults, 1% of the U.S. population. Because this issue impacts so many, there is a strong probability that you will encounter someone with OCD in your lifetime. Therefore, it is vital to look at how people who have contamination of OCD manage their stress during this pandemic.

It is not the same for everyone!

Has Covid-19 worsened the condition of individuals suffering from OCD, or brought out new and emergent cases of OCD in previously asymptotic individuals? 

According to the American Psychological Association, "The situation amid COVID-19 may be leading health authorities and loved ones to unintentionally reinforce obsessions and compulsions for people with OCD and illness anxiety disorder. Ongoing and frequent reminders of social distancing, handwashing, and wearing facemasks to protect us from contracting or spreading the virus reinforce and add validity to compulsions that many diagnosed with contamination OCD were already doing. For individuals suffering from OCD, it’s nearly impossible to distinguish ritualistic behaviors from matters of safety precaution. 

A recent study evaluated patients who are diagnosed with OCD. This study administered a Yale-Brown Obsessive-Compulsive Scale (Y-BOCS) to compose a severity score before and after the lockdown. The data shows an increase in obsessions and compulsions, worsening since the lockdown. Nonetheless, it is essential to look at how OCD affects everyone differently. Behaviors and thoughts could vary on a spectrum. 

Many who had undiagnosed or diagnosed OCD may have felt as though they had prepared for the pandemic for their entire lives! Some have even an exhibited "I told you so" moments. All the contamination anxieties that came before this pandemic were validated. At the beginning of the pandemic, many OCD patients felt MORE comfortable, since others were doing their part by washing their hands, social distancing, and wearing face masks. However, after several months, symptoms became worse than ever. As a result, medical providers began to increase or add medication for their patients. 

While the pandemic rages on, OCD patients, especially kids from ages 8-12, are having an understandably tough time. Online learning and virtual activities (including counseling) have taken a toll on kids who depended on exposures to social interactions for their continued stability and wellbeing. For some children, hand washing behaviors have become a means of managing compulsive thoughts. When in-person school, activities, and therapy returned, many of our clients would have preferred to stay home to avoid stress due to new hygiene norms and the fear of contracting the virus or passing on the virus. 

While we have seen an uptick in OCD behaviors and symptoms in our practice, Suzan Song, the Division of Child/Adolescent & Family Psychiatry director at George Washington University points out, "rituals and obsessions are just getting worse because of general mental health.” So, as always, take good care of yourselves, normalize conversations about mental health, and seek help proactively if you’re concerned about yourself or a loved one. Lastly, please remember that this information is not a substitute for medical or psychological advice, and is simply intended to educate, inform, and open a larger dialog about mental health. If you have questions or concerns about yourself or a loved one who may be exhibiting signs of OCD, please reach out directly to discuss a consultation. 

References

Landau, E. (2020, October 6). Stress over pandemic makes OCD symptoms worse in some children. The Washington Post. 

Mclean Harvard Medical School Affiliate. (2020, October 4). Everything you need to know about OCD in the age of covid-19. Living With OCD During the Coronavirus Crisis | McLean Hospital. 

O'Neill, E. (2020, November 1). Pandemic raises special concerns for those with obsessive compulsive disorder. NPR.

Prestia Davide, Pozza Andrea, Olcese Martina, EscelsiorAndrea, Dettore Davide, Amore Mario (2020, September). The impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on patients with OCD: Effects of contamination symptoms and remission state before the quarantine in a preliminary naturalistic study. Psychiatry Research.

Rivera, R. M., & Carballea, D. (2020). Coronavirus: A trigger for OCD and illness anxiety disorder? Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy, 12(S1), S66.  

7 Effective Ways to Manage Anxiety and Stress

Anxiety and stress are words that have become regular fixtures in the collective pandemic and post-pandemic vernacular. While anxiety and stress are normative human experiences, these feelings are meant to be transient and fleeting, observed and allowed to pass through us without necessarily adding judgment or intervention. With that said, lingering concerns about health, economic stability, political division, climate change, and global relations have created a sense of chronic stress that has prompted Americans to seek psychotherapy and counseling services in record numbers for alleviation of symptoms, comfort, coping strategies, and tools. While a blog is never a substitute for tailored mental health advice, I wanted to help by sharing seven of my favorite anxiety and stress busters.

1. Walk It Out

Carving time out of your schedule to get out for a walk or hike in nature can help anyone to feel peaceful and grounded! I prefer to do this in the morning, when I can set an intention for the day, and get to experience an immediate sense of accomplishment for having prioritized self-care. Jim Rohn famously said, “either you run the day, or it runs you.” By taking time for yourself at the beginning of your day, you start some good feelings flowing, and set a precedent for creating pockets of unwind, where you can observe and take pleasure in what is around you. Walking, hiking, trail running, and trail biking also offer the additional benefit of my favorite feel-good chemical- dopamine! Studies have very conclusively found that individuals who exercise regularly are less likely to experience anxiety than those who don’t exercise. Invite a friend, neighbor, a family member, or even a family pet to walk or hike with you and enjoy the double benefit of feeling connected. We at LIFT do regular “walk and talk” therapy in all four seasons (both in-person and telehealth!) to stimulate fresh thinking and processing, change up a routine, and encourage our clients to “move a muscle, change a thought.”

2. Make a Gratitude List

This is a personal favorite way to center, and like #1, it’s a practice best engaged during the morning. With that said, it’s never the wrong time to write a gratitude list! You can write in a journal, in the sand, in a text to your therapist, on a diner napkin at breakfast, in the corner of a book, in your head, or on the notes section of your iPad. A terrific way to keep our minds off of a worry path is to focus thoughts on things that are good, beautiful, and positive about ourselves, and our lives. When we are grateful, we appreciate the value and importance of the people, places, and things who make up our world. I include small, ordinary things in my life on my list (my morning coffee, a book I’m reading or show I enjoy on TV, a joke I heard,) as well as big things (health, my family, my profession, my home.) I encourage clients to try to be as specific, and to include self-appreciation in the list! This can include personal appreciation that you took the time for a self-care ritual (a fresh manicure, a haircut), or even compliments on aspects of you that you are very glad to possess (a good sense of humor, a talent for cooking, a kind heart, a warm smile, a heart for social justice.) It is NO secret that what we focus on increases! Each day brings new problems and obstacles, so we must train the mind to pay attention to the good things. By focusing our thoughts on things that are good, beautiful, and positive, we can keep our minds from dwelling on what troubles us. Make a habit of appreciating your life! Challenge yourself to write down 3-4 pages of gratitude a day. Play some music and write in pretty or artistic handwriting. Include illustrations and exclamation points. If you do this practice daily, try to write different things every day! And, if you’re stumped on what to put down, talk to your therapist and ask her for some ideas. In fact, while you’re at it, put her on your list!

4. Chew Gum

Surprised you with that one, didn’t I? In fact, an intervention study was carried out to examine the effects of chewing gum on occupational stress and related outcomes. 101 volunteers from Cardiff University completed the study. The results showed that chewing gum reduced stress (both at work and outside work), reduced fatigue, reduced anxiety and depression and led to a more positive mood! Fascinatingly, chewing gum was also associated with perceptions of better performance (both at work and outside.) I don’t chew gum every day, but sometimes, on days when I remember to or am very busy, organic/natural gum can serve as a focus enhancer, helping me to stay in the moment and take one task at a time. *Gum is not intended to be over-used, and if you have a history of compulsive gum-chewing and feel this could be a trigger, you can skip right over this step and move straight on to #5!

5. Connect with Other People!

Clients have been reporting loneliness levels to us higher than ever before. The pandemic brought us inward in many positive ways, but many of us are having difficulty reconnecting with our support systems. Call to schedule time to spend with friends and family, whether to hang out or engage in a structured activity. Doing things in-person with those we have deeper connections with and feel close to grows our relationships, allowing us to feel supported and secure. If you feel anxious or stressed about something, talking about it with someone who listens and cares can help you feel more understood and better able to manage. Through openly sharing with others, you’ll put concrete words to what feels like vast emotional overwhelm, and you may realize that you're not alone. Ever feel like you can over-talk about a problem? Try spending time with others in ways that take talking off the table. Skiing, ice-skating, roller-blading, swimming, horseback riding, jumping on the trampoline, cooking classes, movies, concerts, and yoga classes are terrific ways to do so. Fortunately, many of these activities are also easy to enjoy in the pandemic, even as the weather cools. LIFT offers peer support groups that run throughout the year, with virtual and in person options. If you’re feeling perplexed on how to get involved in a peer activity, speak with your therapist to discern if they can get you connected with one of our safe and structured peer groups, or help you to find one that fits.

6. Take a Break from Social Media!

A 2018 University of Pennsylvania study found that reducing social media use to 30 minutes a day resulted in a significant reduction in levels of anxiety, depression, loneliness, sleep problems, and Fear of Missing Out (FOMO.) You don’t need to completely cut back on your social media use to improve your mental health. I am sure that by now, many if not most of you readers have seen the recent news on social media and its averse impact on sleep and mental health. Social media has now been linked to depression, anxiety, low self esteem, and even suicidality, most significantly in teens. (Although, I don’t know why we are surprised that an app designed to objectify and rank “hot” women against one another on a college campus makes women feel badly about themselves!)

I don’t think that responsible use of social media is all bad. Our Instagram handle, @liftwellnessgroup, features lots of body positive accounts, affirmations, mood regulation tools, inspiring stories, and relationship tips. If you look at who we follow, you’ll find a world of resources that are similar. Our social media accounts are almost all mental health related follows, which sure hit differently than the keeping-up-with-the-jones and influencer posts! Remember, what you focus on increases – so change the lens you’re looking at the world through! Cancel the triggering accounts and subscribe to things that make you smile. Social media will take on a whole new utility for you!

7. Get Enough Relaxation, Nourishment and Sleep!

Sitting in front of the TV or computer typically isn't genuine relaxation…Unless we’re talking about Ted Lasso! Depending on what you're watching or doing, it could even make you more tense. The same is true for alcohol, drugs, or tobacco., which may seem to relieve anxiety or stress, but actually create a false state of relaxation that's short lived. If you’re drinking alcohol in the evening to relax, what your body may really need is a few days off, focused on sleep and hydration. In order to really relax, remember that our bodies crave a routine of relaxation techniques. Deep breathing, yoga, meditation or even tai chi are practices that have an immediate demonstrable effect on the mind. In fact, deep breathing helps to relax a major nerve that runs from the diaphragm to the brain, sending a message to the entire body to relax, loosen up and let go!

Have you ever heard of the phrase, “Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired?” When we’re any of these things, we’re on the brink of emotional dysregulation and poor decision making. Not eating enough calories for your Body Mass Index and not eating a well-balanced diet WILL amplify or cause anxiety and stress. If you’re presently undereating or engaging in disordered eating behaviors, speak up and get help from a specialist. You will not feel an improvement in mood until your caloric intake is sufficient for your daily metabolic needs.

Foods that are rich in zinc such as oysters, cashews, liver, beef, and egg yolks have been linked to lowered anxiety. Other foods, including fatty fish like wild Alaskan salmon, contain omega-3 fatty acids. A study completed on medical students in 2011 was one of the first to show that omega-3s may help reduce anxiety. This study used supplements containing omega-3 fatty acids. I don’t enjoy fish, so I take supplements. In mice, diets low in magnesium were found to increase anxiety-related behaviors. Foods naturally rich in magnesium may help a person to feel calmer. Some examples include leafy greens, such as spinach and Swiss chard, legumes, nuts, seeds and whole grains. If you’re under the care of a dietitian at LIFT or elsewhere, ask them about your interest in mood-enhancing foods! After all, food is medicine!

I hope these tips are tangible, helpful and constructive. Let me know if you decide to integrate any of them in your wellness repertoire!

Also, please do note: If you or someone you know has stress, anxiety or worry that feels excessive, it may be a sign of an anxiety disorder. For someone who has an anxiety disorder, getting appropriate treatment from a health professional is important. While these tips are intended to help, personalized and professional treatment is the only way to remedy a true anxiety disorder.

Click here for more information on anxiety therapy.

LIFT Announces Launch of New Parent Training and Peer Support Groups

You’re the first to know of this new virtual programming, beginning April 26 We at LIFT are happy to announce the long-awaited launch of a new weekly training and support group for parents and loved ones of individuals suffering from eating disorders.

As part of our mission to improve eating disorder quality of care, we are especially passionate about providing family support and education. Families who are informed about eating disorders have better outcomes, and effective treatment is aided when family members can be a primary resource in recovery and assisted to cope during the crisis, to deal with the effects of the eating disorder, and to practice supportive parenting approaches. (Roles, BCMJ, vol. 47 , No. 1 , January February 2005.) This series, written and delivered by Mary Dobson, will consist of a seven week training on eating disorders designed to educate, coach, and empower parents on eating disorders, as well as connect parents with a supportive community of peers. 75 minutes will be broken into presentation, open discussion, and question and answer modules.

Mary Dobson is a certified eating disorder expert and licensed therapist. She will cover all aspects of eating disorder treatment, care and research. In this interactive training, families will learn how to create a home environment setting conducive to supporting their loved one with an eating disorder. Sessions will take place on Monday or Thursday evenings from 7-8:15 and space is limited. Please email 📧 mary@liftupwellness.com to register.

Mary Dobson Interview with Hartford Courant

Mary Dobson, LMFT, CEDS, is a mom of two, and CEO and Founder of LIFT Wellness Group, a counseling, psychotherapy and behavioral health group in Westport, Connecticut. She was raised in Fairfield. 

AMANDA BLANCO: What concerns do you have for the female students who were targeted by the bracket? From the perspective of a therapist, how does this objectification harm them, particularly during adolescence? 

MARY DOBSON: “I think that many parents, educators, and providers were surprised by the bracket because we very much wish to believe that the treatment of women has evolved since our own school-age years. The past decade birthed #metoo and a much greater societal awareness of the traumatic impact of marginalization on individuals and groups. Studies show that the objectification of young women leads to low self-esteem in an already vulnerable group. As a certified eating disorder specialist and with a long career treating adolescents, I am particularly concerned about the the phenomenon of self-objectification, which occurs around this age, when young women internalize the culturally idealized images in the media and in their natural environment, and proceed to compare their body image with this ideal. When comparisons are drawn FOR them, as was the case here, pitting them against their friends and peers, this is particularly destructive and damaging to a young woman’s developing self-esteem. As therapists, we look for compensatory behaviors, such as food restriction, exercise, and other forms of body manipulation, as symptoms of this greater malaise brought on by pressures from the external environment to be accepted and belong. 

AMANDA BLANCO: Do you feel it is important to continue talking about this, in public or private discussions? Why or why not? 

MARY DOBSON: What was fascinating in this scenario was that many young women stood up against the posts in question, and used strong voices to demonstrate that they did not find this acceptable. In a way, while this particular situation and behavior was unacceptably and obviously egregious, it is important to continue discussions on as it is a microcosm of what teens report happens daily in school, on the sidelines, and on the weekends during social time. We as humans are constantly judging and evaluating in our heads, and that is an inherent part of normal cognition. With that said, the potential to publicly humiliate and evoke shame grows exponentials with the use of social media. By the time these brackets were removed, literally thousands of eyes had viewed them. Such mass rejection has never been feasible before at any time in history. What do we know of the implications of this on a 14 or 15 year old developing personality? I would be remiss to add that the potential for public shaming of the perpetrators could also cause tremendous harm. Those responsible for the bracket, as out of line as they may have been, have surely suffered more mass rejection over the past week than they could have comprehended. While we hope this will be a learning lesson for all, many parents have not approached it as such. The costs of making a childhood mistake have truly never been so great.

AMANDA BLANCO: Going forward, what steps would you like to see taken by adults in the community to address this situation and prevent similar behaviors from taking place in the future? 

MARY DOBSON: Fairfield County, and the town of Fairfield, is a relatively homogenous community of many upper middle class families. Research shows that the more similar individuals are, the easier it is to compare, contrast and compare. This makes being different especially challenging, particularly as an adolescent. Families and communities featuring individuals who emphasize appearance and status breed children and adolescents who emphasize appearance and status. And, adolescence is a time of heightened image-consciousness. “Bracket-gate” triggered many adult women because of its absurd suggestivity that the public education system is a beauty pageant, where young women go to perform for appraising young men. The entitlement and presumptuousness of this idea is upsetting given the history of disrespect women have received in this country, and how hard we and our ancestors have fought for something close to a level playing field. Some parents suggested that the young women made a retaliation bracket against the young men. One need not be a feminist to know that there is no comparison between the two groups, one of which has been chronically and historically misrepresented (see studies on girls diminished participation in classes in co-ed groups in adolescence) In order to avoid a toxic culture of women who feel they are in school to be graded on their appearance, we need to take a strong stand against the early sexualization and objectification of our children.

Now Accepting IOP Patients

LIFT is pleased to announce the launch of a new virtual eating disorder IOP track, meeting up to six times per week. 

If you find that a loved one is needing extra support, our intensive outpatient programming is now accepting new patients for our HIPAA-compliant telehealth therapy groups, peer support, meal coaching, emotional tolerance and resilience skill building, and accountability partnerships.

Our groups are offered at varied times with options to add or reduce support depending on level of need, week by week. 

To register or request more information, email mary@liftupwellness.com. 

A Therapists’ Reflections on The Rich Significance of The Film ‘Groundhog Day’

Today, February 2, 2021, is Groundhog Day!  

Did you know that some therapists prescribe watching the film, Groundhog Day, to their patients? I feel that it’s one of the most perfect movies and definitely in my personal top 10 (fun fact: I went to college with Bill Murray’s son/have met Mr. Murray, and he is as awesome IRL as he is on screen.) 

Therapists love the movie Groundhog Day because the supernatural time loop serves as a perfect metaphor for how many patients experience and describe their real lives: trapped in routines of jobs and relationships that don’t satisfy, passing the time perfunctorily but profoundly unhappily. 

In the film, Phil alternatively resorts to hedonism, gluttony, sloth, criminality, drunkenness, depressive episodes, and even suicide to cope with the redundancy of the inane boredom of his existential meaninglessness. 

Gradually, Phil begins to take an interest in others. He develops an appreciation for art and beauty through classical music, ice sculpting, and acts of service. Initially even his good deeds are motivated by selfish motives (impressing Rita, who he’s fallen in love with in the time loop,) but along the way the exercise of free will transforms him into a genuinely good person. Then, one morning, Phil wakes up, and his world has finally changed. He's crossed over. One could even say he has awakened, or achieved enlightenment. The meaning of life has become apparent to him, and so his days become colorful and vibrant. He has found purpose in (accidentally) discovering that the degree to which life is worth living is in direct proportion to the amount we create value in our own soul’s maturation, and the extent to which we touch souls around us. 

Therapists love this analogy because prior to their self actualization, our patients often describe life (particularly in a pandemic!) as a repetitious treadmill. And, it can be, when living at surface level. Yet frequently after working with a therapist, exploring deeper facets of the psyche, and uncovering your unique purpose, every seemingly mundane day can feel like a creative adventure, an opportunity to make a difference, impact a life, and generate good karma. 

My favorite takeaway from Phil’s evolution is that he is time and again presented with the exact same day, and the very first time he's presented with it, it's the worst day of his life, yet by the end of the movie, we see that (while it's the exact same day,) somehow it is the best day of his life. 

This secular message is timeless: every day is a gift. How you view it, how you use it, is what shapes and determines your destiny. Every day, no matter what monotonous tasks it contains, can be the best day of your life. One day at a time, in dedicating your life to a purpose greater than yourself, you can and will create a beautiful life worth living. 

We hope you can revisit and reflect on the rich meaning of this great film with some popcorn and cocoa on this snowy winter evening! 

Happy Groundhog Day! 

Hello From The Other Side! — The ‘Real’ About a Therapist Who Gets ‘Coached.’

Like most modern humans, I have been on the receiving end of some really life-changing (and, once, some pretty terrible) psychotherapy, but I have never reached out for personal life coaching. Recently, bogged down in day-to-day management tasks that I was meant to delegate, I realized that I was struggling with an issue that would benefit from another set of eyes, and some support. My difficulty passing off tasks is not rooted in intrapsychic mire, but is an entrenched pattern that could and would be quickly resolved with an accountability partner. I did some research, and sought out the help of a coach.

In my research, I realized exactly what it is about coaching that can turn me off. While I found many well-credentialed individuals (and ultimately, selected one,) I also came across some snake oil. Even as a seasoned mental health professional and certainly informed consumer, I found myself intrigued - yet off-put, by their salesy promises.

Here, I will attempt to differentiate what is good coaching, and what I believe to be harmful to humans out there looking to better their lives. 

And, I’ll be frank. There are a LOT of coaches out there! As I browsed through countless websites, I saw phrases such as “level-up,” “10X,” “mindset.” I felt inspired, but more so, insulted. 

Later, what was bothering me hit me right between the nose. I have spent much of my personal adult life coming to terms with the human that I AM. In therapy, we sometimes speak of biorhythms or emotional biorhythms. I used to feel inferior to the moms who woke at 5am, exercised, showered, made breakfast for the family, and appeared fresh and put together at the bus stop. It has taken years of self-work to wholeheartedly embrace the fact that I am a creative; I am productive at night, this is when I blog, plan, and dream, and I will probably never wake up more than an hour before the bus. And that is okay. Attempting to change this (or try to have it ‘coached’ out of me) would be out of sync with what is fundamentally me, akin to changing eye or skin color. I shudder to think about the books and articles I wouldn’t have read or paragraphs I wouldn’t have written had I forced myself to tune into someone else’s biorhythm, thereby missing my own flow in operation. 

I believe that we have the equivalent of biorhythms in various areas of our lives: personal qualities that are unequivocally characterological and inseparable from who we are. Case in point: it also took me many years of self-inquiry to accept and realize that I am in fact an introvert, and that my extroverted presentation had more to do with the societal rewards and capitalistic gains of extroversion. Accepting this essential truth has meant happily turning down invitations in favor of more nights at home by a fire, reading and fueling my soul, rather than forcing myself to make small talk in a loud room, a compensatory behavior that was created long ago as a cover for true self acceptance and understanding.

Much of the work of therapy is in validation, and rooted in the strong presumption that truth and wisdom, as it pertains to our own lives, lies within, rather than existing externally. Therapy could be called a process by which people become more truly themselves, as the therapy room offers allowance for the true self to emerge. While people do COME to therapy to change, there is so much about therapy that encourages them to STAY to do much harder work: accept. Yes, there are elements that can be altered about our lives - but only after making peace with the perfectly imperfect nature of ourselves, all of the repressed versions of ourselves, and their functions and manifestations. Anything less than this is referred to as superficial, or in systems theory, “first-order change.” 

With all of this said, I was able to select a coach who fits the bill. She operates similarly to the way that the LIFT coaches and I do - refusing to provide answers, but rather offering her full attention to the issues I’d like to address. I feel proactive for taking a step to carve out space and time for problem solving, with the accountability of knowing someone else has been brought in to my dilemma. I also feel renewed motivation and energy from going outside of my comfort zone in order to allow another human into my problem story, so that together, we can try out some solutions that perhaps I wouldn’t have entertained on my own. While coaching is not therapy, there are aspects of the two that can be performed in tandem, and I feel proud that I was open to trying this modality from the other end of the couch.

Tell me about your experiences with coaching, therapy, or therapy that involves coaching. How have the two modalities worked together or separately to accomplish different aims in your life? How are the two similar? Please do share! 

So Your Child Has an Eating Disorder. What Now?

We at LIFT understand that approaching the topic of food with children can be daunting for parents. While we can’t predict our children’s reactions, parents remain the most reliable support for their children, and early intervention has proven to be one of the strongest indicators of recovery. Eating disorders are serious disorders and trying for everyone involved. Support for each family member through this time can be crucial to full and successful recovery. 

First, trust your instincts! You as a parent can often sense when something is off. Often, individuals with eating disorders do not initially notice them. Your observation and swift response can be a powerful tool for early detection, diagnosis, and treatment. You may find it helpful to educate yourself on the warning signs of eating disorders based upon the age and gender of your child. 

It is so important that you do not blame anyone for the development of an eating disorder. Risk and protective factors indicate that it is possible for any one of us to develop an eating disorder at any point in our lives. Instead of spending valuable time and energy in trying to assess and find a cause within the past, the best thing you can do for your child and yourself is to look to the future with hope and determination for recovery. 

Next, schedule an appointment with your child’s doctor. In this appointment you can either address the doctor together or privately. A meeting of this sort would be useful to express a list of your concerns to your doctor and receive professional referrals. In some cases the doctor may even recommend going more in-depth with vitals to make a record of it or refer out for more intensive laboratory work. A pediatrician who has known your child for a few years would also have the ability to look at their growth chart and assess the progress made in that regard since the feeding concerns began. This said, refer back to step one if you believe your doctor has chosen a more patience relying approach. It is common to see aspects of weight stigma played out within early assessment of eating disorders, regardless of whether your child is underweight. Your concerns are valid and deserve to be taken seriously. 

 It’s a good idea to see what kind of professional specialized support you can access within your area. You may choose to look on the internet, ask around your network (perhaps other parents have some ideas or experience with some professionals in your area), or ask your child’s doctor for a referral to an eating disorder specialist they may know of. 

This would also be a good chance to learn a little bit about the different levels of care which are available for those with eating disorders. In eating disorder care, there are of care: outpatient, intensive outpatient (IOP), partial hospitalization (PHP), residential treatment (RTC), and medical hospitalization. Each is designed specifically to support the severity of the disorder at any point. It may also be worthwhile to learn a little bit about your insurance policy and understand both in and out of network benefits based upon your plan.

When going through the process of scouting and selecting a professionals help you should also be sure to ask any questions that arise for you so you can have the greatest sense of clarity going forth possible. Any professional who is a prospective candidate for treatment should be able and willing to answer the questions you have regarding themselves, treatment, and payment. You should be sure to get all of the clarification you need before proceeding forth so you are the as comfortable as possible and get a chance to understand procedures. 

Last and certainly not least, be sure that you yourself have proper support and care in place to get you through this time. Caring for a child with an eating disorder can be overwhelming and uncertain at times which can create a large sense of isolation. Be sure that you yourself are making sure your own needs are met, you are treating yourself with compassion, have people to rely on, and seek professional support if you feel it would be beneficial. There are many other places for support as well, such as support groups, friends or family who may have gone through similar circumstances with children, or a partner who is in the thick of it with you. There are also many online support groups such as through excellent books and websites. 

Additional Resources: Knowledge is power! Access and utilize eating disorder resources, understand what it is your child is dealing with, and begin to formulate a plan to seek treatment. There are a multitude of resources out there from guides to eating disorders with parents, family doctors, and specialized therapists and nutritionists, and eating disorder information sites such as the National Eating Disorders Association, The Academy for Eating Disorders, and the National Institute of Metal Health. There’s a plethora of information out there, and its easy to get sucked into, remember that with the help of a treatment team and eventually your own child’s desire to heal there will be plenty of support. Be mindful that similar to WedMD, while the information is true it doesn’t always apply to your situation and it is easy for us to become anxious with all of the information presented. We wish you hope and healing on your journey. Feel free to reach out for guidance and support whenever needed. 

Click here for more information on Eating Disorder Treatment.