Happy New Year from LIFT

The clinical team at LIFT Wellness wishes each and every one of our precious clients, colleagues and friends a very happy new year. As we enter into 2021, gratitude for our many blessings is tempered by a deep and profound understanding of how brutal this year has been for so many among us. Words can’t come close to acknowledging this properly. We have walked through this strange and new territory together, and emerged stronger, collectively and individually. From 2020, we have learned to be grateful for things we once took for granted - movie theaters, dinners with friends, hugs from loved ones near and far. We have born witness to our own resilience, and learned to let nothing dim the light that shines within.

This quote I read recently by Sarte seems appropriate: "Look back, look forth, look close. There may be more prosperous times, more intelligent times, more spiritual times, more magical times, more happy times, more beautiful times, but this one, this small moment in the history of the universe, this is ours."

How is 2021 treating you so far? We may meaning-make a bit too much about the changing of the years, but the transition does have value. A brand new year, much like a brand new day, offers fresh perspective, motivation, and most importantly, HOPE for the betterment of what’s to come. Self-renewal is an essential component of healing and positive change. Many are only accepting of the concept of a blank page when the old calendar goes in the dumpster, but the truth is, infinite possibilities for new ways of thinking, being or behaving lie at our fingertips in each and every precious moment. As a family, we don’t really do resolutions, but I have set an intention for the year, as I always do, and that is PRESENCE.

Bringing full presence to every encounter is a simple and also nearly impossible (for me at least) feat and I can’t think of a more valuable human endeavor. Presence is the lifeblood of creativity, attention, love, care, and possibilities. Presence is devotion, commitment and dedication to living life fully, with eyes wide open. Presence is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Presence is surrender. I wish you luck with your resolutions or intentions.

And to you; big, beautiful, brand new year — we say, Welcome.

So, You Have an Eating Disorder, and It’s Halloween

For those who suffer from disordered eating, food anxiety triggered by the upcoming holiday season may be enough to make them want to pack bags and shack up somewhere warm for the coming months. 

Halloween leads the festive three-month parade of family meals, social events, celebratory feasting, and for many, rationalized overindulgence. People struggling with eating disorders may agonize with how much to indulge, whether to abstain, how to self-regulate, and when to sit out of social events that could prove too pressured. Many clients report a fear of feeling judged or left out of rituals involving overconsumption, because their recovery requires them to follow a food plan and they’re not yet ready for intuitive eating. Some feel under a microscope in situations where struggles with fear foods cause stress and emotional distress. 

As always, success in eating disorder recovery looks slightly different for everyone. We treat clients in early recovery who will challenge themselves with a fear food this Halloween. We also treat individuals for whom self-care may look like abstaining from sugar, and this choice may make them worry about sticking out like a sore thumb on special occasions. It is the mere acknowledgement of these experiences that prime you to take the first step in understanding how to reclaim holidays like Halloween, and make them personally meaningful, so you can enjoy them in a new and healthy way. 

We always encourage clients to support and advocate for themselves in working through the fears and rigidity that have the potential to rob them of the joy of this special time of year. While food can be a bonding and culturally significant aspect of the holiday season, new rituals and traditions can be created that do not revolve around food and eating. Our dream for our clients is for them to participate fully in connecting activities and relationships, while operating free of food obsession. This may mean a period of time in new recovery in which additional supports are crafted, and boundaries drawn around what you think you can handle, in each step forward. Overconfidence can be as dangerous to new recovery as obsessive phobias can be. 

Collaboratively with your therapist and dietician, create an individualized plan to help get you through each holiday. A wise person once said, “fail to plan, and plan to fail.” Identify members of your natural support system that you can utilize for check-ins when things seem particularly hard. Plan to use an app such as Recovery Record, or food journal and call it over to your sponsor or therapist on difficult days. Create your own non- food focused plans, such as a pumpkin carving party, a foliage hike in the woods, a spooky movie night, “boo-ing” friends, corn mazes, or hay-rides. Bring your own car to events, and know that you may leave early, if you feel uncomfortable. Have a “safe” word with a trusted friend, to use in case you’re feeling an urge to use symptoms or behaviors. You can celebrate Halloween in new ways that suit you, with compassion and understanding that you are choosing new paths, because you hold the power to prioritize your own comfort and listen to your body and mind.  

Getting through Halloween may be difficult depending on where you are in your personal journey with food. This is just one day in the calendar, and however it goes for you, a new day will await you on November 1. Work at your own pace and focus on what feels right. Remember that with your commitment to your recovery, in time, the significance of food will fade into the background of the holiday season, and the emphasis will be entirely on sharing joy with those you love. Each holiday celebrated with self-respect will strengthen the quality of your recovery, and expand your range of coping skills and trust in your ability to self-care. As a rule of thumb, remember that all foods fit, in variety and moderation. Have fun, be safe and well, and have a Happy Halloween! 

Written by Mary Dobson and Natasha Pawa.

Click here for more information on Eating Disorder Treatment.

So, you’re a woman. And, you’re living through a pandemic. Now what?!

As the ripple effects of the coronavirus pandemic continue to unfold and expand, one thing has become clear: women are under siege. 

At LIFT, we are advocates and allies for women’s whole health; and most preeminently, mental health, which includes emotional and psychological health, as well as social well-being. Why? Because the state of your mental health determines how you handle stress, how you relate to others, and how you make choices in life, and its presence (or absence!) is critically important at every stage of life from childhood to adolescence to adulthood. Mental health problems affect every facet of your life:  thinking, moods, and behaviors. 

It is indisputable that women have been disproportionately impacted by the pandemic. Since March of 2020, mental health has fallen into a sharp decline for both sexes, but most prominently, for working women. According to a Total Brain survey, levels of depressed mood in women have increased by 83% compared to 36% for working men. Stats from USC’s Center for Economic and Social Research show that ⅓ of working mothers in two parent households report they are the only ones providing childcare (compared to 1/10 of working fathers.) Since March, it is women who have suffered the greatest job losses, and who have reported the highest levels of psychological distress (namely, anxiety and depression.) Also since March, 64% of college educated mothers report having to reduce their work hours, compared to 36% of college educated fathers. 

The situational stress triggered by these compounding stressors, on top of the day-to-day load of responsibilities that American women were already hoisting, is contributing to depression and anxiety being reported in record numbers. Mental health issues are even more likely to present when there are underlying biological factors (brain chemistry, genes,) adverse life experiences (trauma, abuse,) or a problematic family history. Depression and anxiety pop up when the stress of an individual’s present situation exceeds their ability to cope. Difficulties such as moving office work, going remote, learning new technology, maintaining order and routine with kids, career and financial insecurity in the face of recession, minimal childcare, isolation from friends and family, increased demands of child schooling, and monitoring the family’s health, have pushed women to a breaking point. To make matters worse, self-care and stress management, (coping skills which may have already been hard to come by!), have gone by the wayside. Yet, without self-attunement and fulfilling our own needs, we risk physical, emotional, and mental ailments. Now more than ever, protective barriers must be in place to insulate ourselves from the risk of burnout, which can manifest in sleep problems, headaches, chest pain, poor diet, difficulty concentrating, irritability, loss of motivation and pleasure, anger, and loneliness. 

We can’t pour from an empty cup. Mental health activities and interventions are designed to help individuals cope. Sometimes I use an analogy: The RMS Titanic was described as “unsinkable,” because it was uniquely equipped with 16 water-tight chambers that could be sealed off in case of emergency. This gave the ship's captain, and passengers alike, the illusion of invincibility. It was only after the collision with an iceberg in the North Atlantic that the crew became aware of a tragic flaw in this design: the ship could withstand four cells filling with water, but not five or more. It was the compromise of the fifth watertight chamber that sealed the ship’s fate. I used this analogy recently when speaking with a group of women about the importance of self-care. If stress is the sea, pouring into the boat, then our self-care is our watertight compartments. And, for even the most impenetrable person, too much stress will overcome the protective measures in place, and drag us down.

What are your self-care strategies? These can be any interventions and activities, from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to Mindfulness, that center and ground you to conquer your day from a place of positivity, presence, and peace, rather than panic. A participant in group shared yesterday, “I have realized that this pandemic isn’t going anywhere, so I need to learn how to manage my stress now, and live my life now, regardless. This means finding ways to take care of myself- namely, therapy, walks with friends, virtual happy hour, workouts, and journaling- because I can’t wait for ‘later’ to arrive. I can't wait for the pandemic to be over to begin taking care of myself and living my life." Personally, I have recommitted to doing yoga once a week, even if my children are running in and out while I’m doing it. This one hour of time found has been a personal victory. I am strong, but not unsinkable, and that humble knowledge propels me to continue to seek moments to reclaim for self-care. Please share how you’re taking care of yourself right now in the comments, and reach out if you’re looking for fresh ideas, accountability, or support in your emotional life during this time.

Click here for more information on anxiety therapy.

Health Anxiety: What It Is, and When To Seek Help

In a world where a large chunk of our daily news intake is currently made up of tallies and news of illness spreading, it’s understandable that such thoughts may begin to take over our psyches. Even pre-pandemic, thoughts and obsessions about becoming seriously ill, worries about coming in contact with illnesses, or over-analysis of symptoms, were commonly reported amongst our patients. What happens when these thoughts, and potentially anxiety reducing actions, begin to interfere with our lives? When the worries become interwoven with everyday living? 

Health anxiety is a condition wherein we cannot stop thinking about potential symptoms and begin to catastrophize them. We often create rituals or habits of inspection to look for anything seemingly out of place and then gather as much information on them as possible. After all, armed with the World Wide Web at our fingertips, it becomes difficult to not look up that “throaty” sounding cough, or that “headache above eyebrows.” But what if the answers only serve to exasperate our anxious minds, rather than put them at ease? In the case of health anxiety, deep diving for more information does little to satiate the nerves that come along with the feeling that there is something wrong; something that only we can feel. 

In our daily lives, our bodies do so much to keep us functioning, much of which we don’t ever stop to think about. Our bodies regulate our breathing, our heartbeat and rate, and our sight adjusts for every stimuli we encounter. However, sometimes these are sensations which we become hyper—fixated upon, and they begin to consume more time, thought, and energy as they used to. When we begin interpreting these normal bodily functions with the thought that something may be wrong, we begin setting off alarms in our heads — alarms that may be false. Sometimes, being overly concerned with harmless physical traits may provoke unnecessary and extremely draining worry and reactions. Even more, the symptoms of this undue anxiety cause their own bodily reactions. 

Anxiety can manifest in a multitude of ways including increased breathing and heart rate, dizziness, tingling in our extremities, chest pressure, stomach upsets, and so on. This begins feeding into a cycle which only perpetuates the anxiety and causes us harm, especially when we begin seeking reassurance from doctors. 

Can you spot any of these symptoms popping up in your life? You are far from alone. Health anxiety is now classified as Somatic Symptom Disorder or Illness Anxiety Disorder. The first step in finding relief begins with understanding and self-awareness. 

According to Mary Dobson: “Health anxiety is experienced by many of my patients who are indispensable in their own lives due to young children, important work, aging parents, and other imperative responsibilities. To me, health anxiety reveals that an individual is thankful for their life, and understands its preciousness. Perhaps the individual has experienced the premature or sudden loss of a loved one or friend, and posits that a similar fate could befall them. I like to reframe health anxiety as a way for patients to recognize how much they appreciate and value their lives, and how aware they may be that they are doing unique work on this planet in roles that provide them meaning, purpose, and designation. Such factors would make someone fear a loss. If ‘freedom’s just another word for nothing less to lose,’ then the opposite is also true. Buddhist monks sometimes meditate on the image of their own decaying corpses as a way to channel perspective and thankfulness into the mundane activities of the day. Morbid as this practice sounds, health anxiety is not so dissimilar. So, I encourage patients to vocalize their gratitude; and rather than fight their anxieties, channel them into a meditation, and let them add to the richness of their lives rather than diminish them.”  

If you suspect you are battling health anxiety, do seek support. Carrying big worries alone is arduous and ultimately fraying. if you have been to doctors for your physical symptoms, you may want to seek a counselor to help you bear the weight of these thoughts and sort through the mental symptoms in partnership and collaboration. By examining thought processes, patients can overcome the constant weight that anxiety about health has added to their lives. 

Co-written by Natasha Pawa and Mary Dobson.

If You Like Us and You Know It

Did you know that October is National Women’s Small Business Month?

This is a time to recognize the myriad achievements of our country's female entrepreneurs, and the positive impact they are making on jobs and the economy.

If you’re an owner of one of the 11.6 million women owned businesses in the U.S., this month is also about YOU!

Our Founder and CEO, Mary Dobson, grew up as a product of a hard working, small business family, where the lines between work and family often blended, as coworkers and customers became family. This is the culture she has worked to embody at LIFT; a company with an aim to lift up its team members AND its clients.

As many of you know, Mary works tirelessly toward her mission to eliminate stigma surrounding mental health care, and lift the field of mental health so that speaking to a therapist is as benign as receiving an annual checkup. She uses her platforms to humanize therapy and therapists, demonstrate accessibility of services, increase the approachability of mental health care, and make sure that people know that when they need help, ample resources are readily available. Early in her career, Mary observed that most owners of treatment centers were male. Mary is passionate about nurturing female leaders, and making sure young women have representation and models in leadership roles in healthcare. Since founding LIFT, she has been joined by many like minded female CEO’s, and together, they carve a path for others to follow.

While Mary is not a fan of flowers, cards, or candy, we would like to give her one meaningful gift to commemorate her 11th year in business.  Now, here is where you can help us recognize all of her hard work! This national women’s small business month, will you consider showing your support for our female trailblazer by following, subscribing to, or sharing our social platforms? 

Follow us along Mary Dobson, LMFT, CEDS, LIFT Wellness Group.

Let’s bring mental health into more conversations - into your feed - into our awareness. Let’s help #liftupct!

LIFT Observes Mental Illness Awareness Week 2020 4th October – 10th October

“If you do not make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness.”

This week, 4 October - 10 October, marks Mental Illness Awareness Week 2020. The theme for this year’s #MIAW is “What People With Mental Illness Want You to Know.” MIAW coincides with National Depression Screening Day, which takes place on October 8.

According to NAMI, an estimated 46.6 million adults (that’s 18.9% of adults in the United States) currently suffer from mental illness, and these rates are only increasing in the pandemic. While mental illness impacts approximately 1 in 5 Americans in their lifetimes, up to 60% of sufferers will never seek treatment! Can you imagine any other illness with such an abysmal intervention rate? Why is this? And, what can we who are allies and advocates do about it?

Because mental illness presents in so many diverse manifestations, many are still confused by, or simply unaware of the true cause of a friend or a loved ones (or their own) suffering. While our field has come a tremendously long way since Hippocrates prescribed opiates and removal from job and home as “treatment” for mental illness in 500 BC (!), we have so much further to go as a society in understanding and empathically intervening in mental health issues.

Today, individual, family and group psychotherapy, and/or medication, are the standard of care for most facing a mental health crisis. These options are effective and life-saving - but impossible to accomplish without good screening and intervention work. At LIFT, we believe that screening for mental illness should be as commonplace as screening for cancer, diabetes, heart disease, or any other chronic health condition. MHAScreening.org offers a quick and easy way to determine whether an individual is suffering from a mental health condition.

We know that many of you reading wish to be allies in getting hurting folks to care, but aren’t sure exactly how to help.

It all begins with amplifying their voices.

Individuals who are suffering from mental illness often feel intense shame and alienation, and are therefore likely to isolate and hide their feelings. Early intervention is important, and saves lives. If you notice someone exhibiting warning signs of mental illness (ie; excessive worrying, feeling down or withdrawn, confused thinking, poor concentration, ups and downs, sleep changes, irritability, low energy, under or overeating, alcohol or drug abuse, excessive stress, difficulty handling daily problems or activities, changes in sex drive, or suicidality), SPEAK UP!

DON’T dismiss (“You should be happy because…”), minimize (“At least you’re not…”), argue with their logic (“I don’t see it that way…”, offer comparatives (“I went through something similar…”)

DO… Find a comfortable space to start an authentic conversation. Listen without judgment. Let silences happen. Sitting with someone in their pain is sometimes much more powerful than any words you could utter. Practice empathy, not sympathy.

Whenever possible, get the individual connected with a mental health screening. If an individual is uncertain whether what they’re experiencing is more than run-of-the-mill sadness, nerves, or mood fluctuations, a screening can help provide clarity and direction. A mental health screening does NOT provide a definitive diagnosis, but it IS a helpful tool for starting a constructive dialog about mental health.

Lastly, remember that while mental illness takes many forms and conditions, there are a myriad of treatment options available and the resources to get folks connected with the right kind. Some of our favorites are the NAMI Helpline (800-950-NAMI), the SAMHSA Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator, MentalHealth.gov, and Mental Health America's Finding Therapy. As always, if you or anyone you know is in a crisis state, you may call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, 211, or 911, at anytime.

Beyond Pencils and Paper: Preparing Kids—and Parents--For a Vastly Different School Year

We are mere days from the start of an unprecedented school year. Summer’s end, and the start of a fresh academic year, always bring about a range of emotions—excitement, angst, anxiety and anticipation—for parents and kids alike. How do we prepare ourselves and our children, both pragmatically and emotionally, for a school year on the horizon that is fraught with such a lack of definitiveness?

More than anything else, our children depend on our direct communication, candor and emotional attunement. Let’s have open conversations with them in these final days leading up to September that help normalize their experience, and provide room for them to share their concerns without fear of our reactivity. You may wish to prepare them for a re-entry adjustment period; after so many months of family and home-time, children and parents alike will need to adjust to being apart, and being back in brick-and-mortar structures, for stretches of time. It may also be healthy to go over the possibility of school beginning and then returning to virtual, should the virus return, and to discuss the many steps being taken to reduce the probability of that taking place. Speaking about emotions and situations we are likely to experience in advance builds connectedness, reduces anxiety, and helps our children to understand that they are not alone with their big feelings. We can be transparent about our own difficulties confronting uncertainty. 

Like me, you have probably spent much of the summer asking yourself the “million-dollar question”: To send, or not to send? Perhaps you are now questioning that decision or experiencing self-doubt in your choice. That yellow bus, rambling down the road around September 1, whisking our children away for a year of social, emotional and intellectual development and scholastic achievement has always been something we can count on. Eek! Scratch that. No wonder so many of us have experienced tension, decision fatigue and stress. A steady and reliable system of infrastructure has been stripped down, tossed around, and reassembled in a way we don’t recognize. As parents, we are managing our own grief, frustration, fear and projections, while trying to model composure and instill confidence in our kids. 

First, I think we all could use a hug. We are each doing our best to ensure a safe and smooth path for our children, in uncharted waters, and therefore it has never been more important to be gentle with ourselves and each other. Second, I would like to suggest a courageous way of looking at this unusual school year. What if we attempted, both individually and collectively, to lean in to the uncertainty of these times? If I had to call out essential qualities for an effective life, I would use three words: Adaptiveness, flexibility and resilience. If I asked you to reflect, you would likely tell me that your biggest obstacles were what cultivated your character, and ultimately, produced your greatest results. I think we all theoretically agree that challenges force us to take a step back to examine what is working or not working in an objective way. In fact, I’m certain that, for you and I both, this recent reflection has already bred creativity and resourcefulness beyond what we all thought we were capable of.

While there are questions that no one can yet answer, we can focus on aspects that we can control. We can also remind our kids that unknowns are a part of life, and that while we don’t always like them, we do need to regulate through them. Be it in-person learning, distance learning, homeschooling pod, private tutor, or a hybrid model…we will each rise to the occasion this academic year. We’ve got this. We’re equipped. 

Originally published in "Greenfield Hill Neighbors Magazine August 2020 issue".

Click here for more information on child therapy.

Confronting Uncertainty in the Modern Age

Without question, the world was not prepared for a pandemic. My simple question is - why? Let’s take a brief historical dive and approach disasters in the natural world from the perspective of a bird’s eye view.

Studies show that there has never been such a safe time to be alive. For millions of years, human bodies and minds were adapted to running from predators, accidentally ingesting fatally poisonous mushrooms, suffering through famine and drought, battling through long winters, facing inadequate health interventions, and constant, unmitigated violence, to name a few. Over the past decades, levels of conflict, both in terms of number or magnitude, have been dropping steadily. Wars of all types- interstate, civil, ethnic, revolutionary- have been slowly disappearing. In pre-modern times, roughly half of all children died. In 2015, child mortality was down to 4.3% - that is 10 fold lower than two centuries ago. The risk for the average person dying has never been lower. 

Today, a far greater percentage of the world’s population lives in peace, more than any time in history. It seems clear that most citizens of the twenty-first century will lead mundane, peaceful lives, bothered perhaps by quiet desperation. This appears to have presented a sense of impermeability in some, or an expectation that life should be easy, faultless, smooth, unbothered and without influence from natural shakeups. 

We, and our clients, often experience surprise, shock and a lack of preparedness when bad things happen. Social scientists say that our happiness depends less on objective conditions, and more on our expectations. Here is the clincher, though: expectations adapt to conditions. When things societally improve, expectations rise, and improvements in conditions can leave us as dissatisfied as we previously were. In our pursuit of happiness, we can quickly get stuck on the proverbial “hedonic treadmill”: running faster, going nowhere. 

One factor seemingly tailor-made to prevent significant increases in global happiness levels is mass media. A woman living in a small village 5,000 years ago measured herself against the 100 other women in the village. Compared to them, she might have looked pretty good. Today, a woman living in a small village compares herself to movie stars, models and Instagram influencers. Our modern villager is that much less likely to be satisfied with the way she looks. The playing field of competition, comparison, compare and contrast, has been broadened exponentially. Similarly, years ago, an individual in one location would never have been made aware of ghastly events happening in minute-by-minute in other, faraway regions. Since the modern twenty-four hour news cycle focuses on single events that go wrong (plane-crashes, terrorism, natural disasters,) it presents a (false) appearance that tragic events are happening more often, when they are not. We are simply being informed about them more. 

Since happiness is based on our internal experience and not outward circumstances, we must aim to avoid relying on situations and things to bring us joy, and instead cultivate and grow our inward experience of joy within our bodies. Further, we must grow to tolerate and anticipate the inevitable rough winds of life. Life, modern-age or not, is not intended to be perfect or even ever-improving. Believing that bad things should not be happening in your life creates additional suffering. Bad things are not happening TO you - but they will happen. They are not personal, but to be expected as part of the human condition. Faulty expectations (life should be perfect) yield fear, a desire to take back the illusion of control, anger, and blame when circumstances do not comply with our expectations. We may feel that we live in a bubble, but we do not. Just like our pre-modern ancestors, we are subject to forces greater than ourselves (pandemics included,) and largely powerless over such disasters. This is meant to encourage, not discourage you. When we are prepared for the storms of life, and do not rage against them, we are able to approach them with dignity, calm, composure, resilience, and inner strength. 

A Definitive Recap of the Narcissistic Abuse in ‘Succession'; in Anticipation of Season 3

Have you viewed the show ‘Succession’ on HBO? (Spoiler alerts to follow.) The show is comedically brilliant as well as emotionally profound. Its true protagonist is Kendall, the loveable yet damaged middle child of a narcissistic abuser, the patriarch of the Roy family, Logan Roy. Logan has four children, all of whom jockey and dance for his affection, and each of whom have internalized his narcissistic abuse in different manifestations. Logan’s firstborn, Connor, is a grandiose and clueless egocentric who seeks companionship from an emotionally unavailable woman. His eldest daughter, ‘Shiv,’ chooses a devoted partner she can manipulate, having grown up with a largely absent father figure. His middle son, Kendall, turns to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of his cold and rejecting parents. And his youngest, Roman, is a chronic underachiever who uses humor to deflect massive insecurity, and is chronically single, as he can’t let himself become close to a significant other due to a myriad of neuroses and intense fear of rejection.

All of these depictions are common representations of the offspring of a narcissistic abuser. 

While this show has many prolific lines, the most prominent comes when Logan has an opportunity to pass the CEO title of his media empire to a credible and respected businesswoman, Rhea, played by Holly Hunter. Unfortunately, after getting to know Logan and his duplicitous intentions, Rhea informs Logan that while she wanted the role to work, she “can’t see to the bottom of this puddle.” In essence, she is saying what she has learned about Logan: that there are no limits to the lengths he would go to in order to preserve his self-interest; no end to what he would do to protect his fortune and reputation. This statement foreshadows Logan’s ultimate decision to use his most vulnerable child, Kendall, as a scapegoat to take the fall of years of corporate cover-ups and corruption. In a heartbreaking scene, Logan tells his son of his plans, and adds that Kendall could never succeed because he ‘is not a killer.’ It is only in this moment, when Logan shares his choice to betray his son to save himself, that Kendall becomes capable of becoming a killer after all, and publicly speaks out against his father for the first time. Metaphorically, father attempts to kill son; son must choose between killing father or self; son kills father, to himself live. 

Interestingly, and as frequently happens in actuality, the betrayal of his loyal son is what finally sets Kendall free to see his father accurately, and accept the conditionality of his love and the hopelessness of trying to please him. This moment is celebratory, as it’s what Kendall needed to come into his own as a true adult, independent of the financial and emotional chains of his family. Not only is justice being served to Logan at long last, but Kendall has found his way out of the shadows, and can have a chance at happiness and a future unmarred by his father’s puppet strings and abuse. The sacrificial lamb refused to play his part, but not before realizing the truth of who his father is, and acknowledging that whenever faced with choice, his father would sacrifice someone else, to spare himself. This characteristic of Logan is what prevents him from being a father in the true sense of the word. The natural order infers the parent sacrifices themselves to preserve their child. When pressed, Logan does the reverse. This is “the bottom of the puddle” that Rhea couldn’t find, because it was never there to begin with. 

‘Succession’ is the true story of narcissistic abuse, and how it evolves in children over the lifespan. While some forever remain ‘adult children,’ emotionally crippled and never evolving into independent selfhood, others experience clarity and radical transformation, enabling them to break free of the cycle of abuse, and either stand up to, or cut off, their oppressor. This is the case of Kendall Roy. Season 3 of Succession is anticipated later this June. I look forward to seeing Kendall coming into his own, and am rooting for as happy an ending as can be afforded to him. Such bravery and insight warrants a powerful outcome. 

Have you, or someone you know, suffered from narcissistic abuse? Read more here to tell the signs, begin to take back your power, and get help, today.  

Reforming and Reframing: The New ‘Body Positivity’ as a Social Justice Movement

Last night, or more specifically, in the wee hours this morning, I completed the annual @iaedp #iaedp2020 symposium- the first-ever virtual edition of the conference (thanks, covid-19,) and also, the best quality content I’ve seen produced in eight years as a member. The most impactful modules of the conference were relevant and very timely presentations related to social justice, inclusion, representation, and diversity in the treatment of eating disorders. 

When I first started in this field, I was ignorant of the history of diet culture and the body-positivity movement’s roots in anti-blackness. A deep dive into the topic of body liberation has revealed the long-standing history of racial discrimination in the body-positivity movement. 

In 2019, body positivity became very topical, with the emergence of Lizzo, statements by Jonathan Van Ness and Sam Smith, celebrities saying no to photoshopping and questions about their weight, Rihanna’s lingerie line, Savage X, and Taylor Swift speaking out about “retraining her brain to accept [her] body every day,” to name just a few. 2020 is asking us to look within and challenge where our societal standards of beauty originated, and how deeply entangled they are in antiblack cultural undertones. 

Here’s the thing. Body-positivity is more than a candy-coated buzz phrase. Body positivity is a social movement that promotes positivity around your individual viewpoint of your physical body, advocates that all bodies are valid, and rejects the societal injunction that those who deviate from the status quo are undeserving of love and appreciation. Body positivity does NOT mean that a person loves their body all the time, is 100% comfortable in their body, or does not wish to improve their body. Body positivity IS the daily mental and physical work of honoring your body as it currently is, because you are a living, breathing creature deserving of dignity and respect, and that must begin from within. 

I believe it goes without saying that there is no liberation for ALL bodies without the liberation of marginalized bodies, including Black women. 

We at LIFT have been asking ourselves this week what our role looks like in supporting the #BlackLivesMatter movement. In listening to our Black colleagues and friends, this much has been made clear: dismantling fatphobia, and discrimination against all marginalized bodies, is an integral part of our contribution. 

A question to reflect upon, today: Am I really ‘body positive’ if I harbor oppressive anti-fat or anti-Black sentiments in my psyche? 

There are many still much more knowledgeable and informed than I on this topic, and I encourage you to follow their work, as I am continually educated by their content and contributions to the field. Please read: “Fearing the black body: the racial origins of fat phobia,” by Sabrina Strings, and start by following on Instagram: @thebodypositive, @encouragingdietitian, @la_eathority. In honor of Ahmaud Aubrey, Breonna Taylor, Nina Pop, George Floyd, and countless other victims of systemic racism and injustice, we humbly commit to learning, listening, knowing better, doing better, and doing our part, today, and every day going forward. 

“The beauty of anti-racism is that you don’t have to pretend to be free of racism to be anti-racist. Anti-racism is the commitment to fight racism wherever you find it, including in yourself. And, it’s the only way forward.” -Ijeoma Oluo

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” - Desmond Tutu 

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

Imagine me… beyond what you see

To all outward appearances, you look like you have got it all figured out. Academic life on point, work promotion locked down, supportive friends and family who always have your back. Too bad no one can see your insides- plagued by insecurity and fear, you battle through every day by controlling your diet and exercise as a way to shrink your larger-than-life feelings down to a manageable size. But it doesn't last. Every day, the same war is waged. You know that life should feel better than this, but you can’t imagine how things could be different than they are. 

LIFT’s specialized team is devoted to helping individuals learn how to finally deal with emotional pain and distress. We work with clients to build better relationships with food, body, and exercise. We believe that peace with food and body are our birthright, and we’re ready to begin helping you uncover possibilities you haven’t previously considered. 

Make no mistake- there is work entailed. But you are ready. You’re tired of yo-yo dieting and fighting against cravings and urges. You’re tired of punishing your body with excessive movement for indulging. You’re done working so hard to be perfect, but in your own mind, having it add up to ‘never enough.’ 

You should know that we practice from an “all foods fit” and Health At Every Size ® approach, which means we believe that all foods can be good, that there are no bad foods, and that all bodies, both big and small, can be healthy and fit. The latest scientific evidence indicates that variety and moderation are the keys to a balanced lifestyle. We will not rest until you, and all of our clients, organically know that they are worthy of love, appreciation, approval and kindness, and that it is our culture of superficiality, body shaming and thin privilege that need to change, not you. Many clients come to us with lifelong internalized trauma from a longstanding history of rejection, judgment and misguided advice from medical professionals, the media, peers, and loved ones. For your information:

1. Having fat doesn’t mean you are fat. Having fingernails doesn’t mean you are fingernails.

2. Fat doesn’t diminish your worth, and should never diminish your enjoyment of your physical body.  

We at LIFT use evidence-based practices to assist clients in learning how to manage anorexia, bulimia, food addiction, binge eating disorder, emotional eating, compulsive overeating, restrictive eating, compulsive over-exercise, disordered eating, and body image. If you are ready to schedule a session or a consultation appointment with a team member, call us today. 

National Mental Health Month

As national mental health crisis emerges, LIFT continues to respond with efforts geared at prevention and early intervention.

May is “National Mental Health Month” (#NationalMentalHealthMonth,) a month dedicated to fighting stigma, providing support, educating the public, and advocating for policies that support people with mental illness and their families. It also draws attention to suicide, which can be precipitated by some mental illness. 

With nearly half of Americans reporting the coronavirus as harming their mental health (poll: Kaiser Foundation,) it is a timely one at that. A federal emergency hotline for people in emotional distress registered a more than 1,000 percent increase in April compared with the same time last year. 

The impact of pandemic on the lives of Americans looks different for all of us. For first responders, the fear of contracting the illness coupled with the trauma and powerlessness found in witnessing the loss of life on a broad scale, puts frontline workers at high risk, notably demonstrated by the two New York health workers without a history of mental illness who committed suicide within the past thirty days. 

But what about those of us who are not frontline workers? We at LIFT are seeing an increase in marital disputes and domestic violence as partners turn on each other over work and financial stress, and crumble under the weight of attempting to homeschool children and perform their job duties without adequate childcare. Children are afraid of contacting the virus, grieving their classmates, teachers and coaches, and acting out without adequate supervision, structure or routine. Teens are concerned about meeting academic benchmarks without proper support, heartbroken about missing their anticipated milestones (prom, graduation, sports events, summer jobs and camps), isolated from their peer support systems, and hopeless about when they will be able to resume their normal activities. College aged students are petrified about entering the workforce, paying rents on first apartments, and launching in uncertain economic times. Substance abuse, suicidal ideation, self-harm, binge eating and other eating disorders, and postpartum depression have skyrocketed, and after eight weeks, there is no visible end in sight. 

We have ample data on the psychological and societal implications of disease outbreaks, mass unemployment and economic downturns. We at LIFT believe that in addition to virus mitigation efforts, health system planning must begin to include mental health services to combat the psychological damage wrought by the pandemic. Early interventions, prevention efforts and a national response can and will make a notable difference in these early projections. The CDC writes: “Coping with stress will make you, the people you care about, and your community stronger.” LIFT is offering immediate pandemic response (An Open Letter To Our Community About COVID-19 — Lift Wellness) for our first responders, underemployed or career-transitioning Americans, and all new and returning patients at this time. If you or a loved one is experiencing new or worsening symptoms, please do not hesitate to reach out for help. You are not alone. Support is available, and while difficult circumstances are inevitable, suffering does not have to be.

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Resources

• Regis College: Guide to Mental Health Screening in Schools

• Rider University: Refugee Mental Health: Resources and Services

• Wake Forest University: Black Mental Health: Statistics, Resources and Service

• Duquesne University: Infant Mental Health Guide for Parents and Healthcare Providers

• Ohio University: Mental Health Policy in America: Stats, Tips & Resources

What is the Health at Every Size Movement?

March is “National Nutrition Month,” so we at LIFT have asked our resident dietitian and certified eating disorder nutritionist to contribute her expertise. Below, she weighs in on the HAES (Health At Every Size) movement. 

Diet culture in the United States continues to run rampant and has negatively impacted how we view our bodies and food. Chances are, even if you have never tried a specific diet, the messages that our bodies need “fixing” or that specific foods are the culprit of obesity, are everywhere. For example, a study conducted on body image disturbance in 2015 showed that 50% of 13-year-old girls are dissatisfied with their bodies, and that percent increases to 80% by the time they are 17. And this doesn’t just apply to females- about 50% of men are dissatisfied with how their bodies look. Unrealistic cultural standards for body types as well as the extreme focus on dieting/weight loss leaves a disproportionate number of people unhappy with their bodies. When people are unhappy with their bodies, we go to great lengths to lose weight or change our natural shape. The diet industry makes $60 billion per year, capitalizing on the very insecurities that they often promote! 

Luckily in recent years, people have begun to take note of the toxic effects the current body/diet culture has on our lives. You may have seen an increased variety of body types in clothing advertisements like Target. You may have noticed some brands, such as Aerie, hire non-models to wear their apparel or prevent advertising images to be photoshopped. Maybe you started following body positivity promoters, such as Tess Holiday or Lizzo on social media. And if you have ever received treatment for disordered eating, an eating disorder, body image disturbance, body dysmorphic disorder, etc, you have likely heard about “Health at Every Size®” (HAES®). For those of you who haven’t, it is a new paradigm of how to achieve increased body/weight positivity and inclusivity. Here is more information about HAES® to help you combat diet culture and jump on the body positive bandwagon:

Health at Every Size® focuses on how healthy habits and behaviors are more important than a number on the scale. 

According to the Association for Size Diversity and Health, the HAES® model includes five major principles:

1. Weight Inclusivity: Accept and respect the inherent diversity of body shapes and sizes and reject the idealizing or pathologizing of specific weights.

2. Health Enhancement: Support health policies that improve and equalize access to information and services, and personal practices that improve human well-being, including attention to individual physical, economic, social, spiritual, emotional, and other needs.

3. Respectful Care: Acknowledge our biases, and work to end weight discrimination, weight stigma, and weight bias. Provide information and services from an understanding that socio-economic status, race, gender, sexual orientation, age, and other identities impact weight stigma, and support environments that address these inequities.

4. Eating for Well-being: Promote flexible, individualized eating based on hunger, satiety, nutritional needs, and pleasure, rather than any externally regulated eating plan focused on weight control.

5. Life-Enhancing Movement: Support physical activities that allow people of all sizes, abilities, and interests to engage in enjoyable movement, to the degree that they choose.

Sometimes, people feel resistant to the idea that your weight does not have to be the deciding factor to determine if you are healthy or not. When encompassing and living with the principles above, being healthy takes on a whole new meaning. The focus is no longer on finding a quick fix to drop weight fast. It takes a gentle approach to honor your body shape and your body’s needs while promoting appropriate behaviors that encompasses all areas of health. I don’t know about you, but respectful care including eating and moving for my well-being to enhance my entire life sounds so much better than any crash diet out there! 

If you want to learn more and become part of the movement, signing the HAES® pledge is a great first step. You can also follow the #haes and #healthateverysize Instagram hashtags to see awesome HAES® content. If you want to dive deeper into these principles and learn about the research to back up the movement, check out the book Health at Every Size by Linda Bacon. I encourage you to join the movement, you will not be disappointed!

This article was contributed by Nicole Ferri, RD, CD-N, CEDRD, owner of Inspire Nutrition Counseling, a partner of LIFT Wellness Group. 

A Memorandum on COVID-19 from Mary Dobson

Amid recent updates from the CDC, I feel compelled to address the novel coronavirus (SARS-CoV-2, or abbreviated, COVID-19) and the steps our office is taking to minimize risk to ourselves and our patients.

First of all, the current health risk assessment for the general American public who are unlikely to be exposed to this virus at present time (03/02/2020), is considered low. As more cases of COVID-19 may be identified in the coming days in the US, it is likely that more person-to-person spread will begin to occur, which includes the possible widespread transmission of COVID-19.

Those at risk for complications from COVID-19 are vulnerable persons (those over 80+, those with pre-existing fragilities or auto-immune issues.) Ample data indicates that healthy individuals do NOT need to fear COVID-19, as symptoms are typically mild and merely inconvenient for persons with able immune systems. 

It is exceedingly important to us that COVID-19 does not cause undue stress to patients who ordinarily worry about germs in excess. We must all carry on as we typically would, with a few added precautions in place. 

With this said, we have put together a preparedness plan that we believe is sober, prudent and reasonable to do our part to reduce the unnecessary spread of COVID-19, especially to vulnerable persons. This plan attempts to walk that delicate line with grace. 

Our preparedness plan is outlined as follows:

1. Patients, visitors and employees of LIFT with respiratory illness of any kind (fever, cough, difficulty breathing) will not be permitted onsite. The 48 hour cancellation policy is always waived for those who report illness. When sick, self-care and rest are essential. 

2. LIFT utilizes tele-health successfully year-round, and Zoom sessions will be made available for all patients who are ill and who do wish to continue their mental health care as scheduled. 

3. 60% antibacterial sanitizer will be made available at the entrances and exits of all offices. We ask patients to use liberally. 

4. We have established a TEMPORARY moratorium on HAND-SHAKING, FIST-BUMPS, HIGH-FIVES and HUGS. 😊 Waves, thumbs up, and “raise the roof’s” will be welcomed in their stead.

5. ANTIBACTERIAL SOAP is available in the bathroom. Please remember to wash hands vigorously while singing the ABC’s completely through to “next time, won’t you sing with me?” 

6. You will find that PAPER TOWELS have replaced our pretty cloth towels. Feel free to use your paper towel to open the bathroom door upon exiting, and then dispose of it in the trash. 

7. You are welcome to wear masks to treatment. We will say that masks do NOT prevent against catching COVID-19, but they will remind you not to touch your face, which is how most individuals will contact the virus. Fun fact: did you know we touch our faces 90X/day? 

8. If you’d like to wear latex or nitrile latex gloves, have at it! Most people will spread COVID-19 by touching surfaces, so this is one reasonable precaution. With that said, first ensure you do not have a latex allergy, and please review how to remove gloves properly. 😊 Many folks spread the germs all over their fingers and other surfaces by improper removal of gloves at the end of the day! 

9. Zinc lozenges block coronavirus from multiplying in your throat and nasopharynx. Stock up now!

10. We will wipe and spray all surfaces in office AM & PM with Lysol Disinfectant, as it is also flu season, and this is our general good practice for a safe and healthy work environment. 

11. KEEP CALM, AND CARRY ON! We will all get through this! Spring is around the corner!!!!

National Eating Disorders Awareness (NEDA) Week: What It Is, and Why It Matters

The week of February 24 to March 1 marks National Eating Disorder Awareness (NEDA) week.  

The 2020 theme for #NEDAwareness is “Come as You Are: Hindsight is 20/20.” This year’s theme is meant to convey that everyone’s story — no matter their identity or where they are on their journey to self-acceptance — is valid and worthy of representation. NEDA hopes that this theme will encourage people to reflect on any positive steps (regardless of how small) they have taken toward accepting themselves.   

NEDA is a non-profit dedicated 365 days/year to working towards supporting those affected by eating disorders. We at LIFT, who work in the trenches with eating disorders daily throughout the year, know how imperative it is that there is a week dedicated to reminding everyone of the devastating effects eating disorders have on our society—and people we love.

This year, several powerful organizations have teamed up to shed light on the health crisis caused by eating disorders. For one, Aerie and NEDA have joined forces with Aerie’s graphic tee, which will donate 100 percent of profits to NEDA.

Further, by sharing any untouched photo of yourself on Instagram and using the tag #AerieREAL @aerie, the retailer will donate $1 to NEDA. (Over the last four years, Aerie has donated over $11,000 to NEDA, and we have the ability to nearly double that amount this year!) 

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness AND will affect 30 million Americans at some point in their lives – yet misinformation continues to keep people from getting access to the right kind of help. 65% of American women struggle with subclinical disordered eating, which can be as damaging to mental and physical health as diagnosed eating disorders. Subclinical disordered eating is any behavior that may not yet fit the medical definition of an eating disorder, but can be a precursor to one, and worse, fuels diet culture and impacts genetically vulnerable individuals who may be susceptible and prone to full-blown disorder. For example, dieters fall into the category of subclinical disordered eating, and dieters are 18x more likely than non-dieters to develop an eating disorder. During NEDAwareness Week, communities across the country join the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) to raise awareness through social media campaigns, legislative advocacy, building lightings, local events, and many more activities. LIFT encourages you to visit the NEDA website to learn more. The National Eating Disorders Association Helpline is (800) 931-2237.

Click here for more information on Eating Disorder Treatment.

Nurture and Grow Your Heart This Valentines Day

At dinner this week, our son shared the noodle necklace he created in preschool as a Valentines’ project. “What a beautiful necklace!” our daughter exclaimed, “thank you for making it for me!” “Actually,” our son responded, “it’s for myself!” Daughter looked incredulous. “But if you don’t get ME anything for Valentine’s Day, that means you don’t love me!” 

My husband and I nearly spat out our soup.

We have a terrific marriage, but we do not ‘celebrate’ Valentine’s Day in our house, other than remembering to order heart-shaped pizza. Where had our daughter received the notion that the fate of love depended on gift-giving - with jewelry no less!? 

This is not a notion we embody. In fact, most ‘special occasion’ days in our house are virtually gift-free between the parental units; my idea of romance is being able to go and pick out something special for myself something if I want to, special occasion or not! 

In fact, maybe this is where our boy got the concept that his beautiful noodle necklace should be enjoyed by- who better- himself! 

I have always thought of Valentine’s Day as a reminder to, excuse for, and celebration of LOVE – not just in a romantic sense, but also from daughter to mother, sister to sister, friend to friend, parent to child. Author George Sand wrote, “There is only one happiness in life: to love, and be loved.” How true! When we fill our cup with love, and let it pour out, it creates room for more. 

But - what happens when we are not filling our own cup? A client told me this week that she wishes to gift our practice with an African Violet. I was thrilled, because I know that African Violets can be easily cloned by removing a single leaf. I pictured giving our precious clients’ leaves, and then hearing of them blooming into their own plants. This was before realizing that if I gave away all of the plant’s leaves, it would eventually weaken and injure the plant. 

Love we must - but we can begin by filling our own cups. My daughter’s crushing disappointment stemmed from her expectations! When our son confessed how he wanted to keep his necklace, I thought, “how lovely.” Young children feel so free to do what feels right. What if every one of us, single or coupled, bought ourselves a piece of jewelry this Valentine’s Day, rather than awaiting a special someone’s arrival to fulfill anticipated desires? In fact, how can we teach someone to love us, when we haven’t practiced well on ourselves? 

Often, I see couples who did a perfectly good job of loving themselves- until they got into a relationship. Then, they put the whole job up to their partner. What a set up! Never do this. 

Albert Ellis famously said, “the art of love… is largely the act of persistence.” Practice persistence, then, first, in loving yourself. Persistence in loving yourself in all phases and stages of your body… loving yourself when you eat too much or too little… loving yourself when your partner is irritating you and you need to take space… loving yourself when you don’t have a partner… loving yourself when you have messed up your New Year’s resolutions for the thousandth time…loving yourself when you get laid off... loving yourself when you’re aging... loving yourself when you’ve made a mistake... loving yourself unconditionally, first. Remember all that YOU have been through, to get to who you are now. As James Thurber quipped, “love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” 

And then, outward. Just HOW you will be able to throw your arms around the world, with leaps and bounds more empathy, understanding, acceptance, and only the expectation that they honor themselves and behave with integrity.

Oscar Wilde penned: “to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” If you’re without a romantic partner, do not bemoan your singlehood this Valentines. Gather together with those you love and who love you, for something sweet, and love on each other. The world needs more of all of the many forms love takes, and love is all YOU need. Happy Valentine’s Day to each of our beloved clients! To us, you are perfect.

How a dietitian can be part of your mental health journey

As a registered dietitian and a certified eating disorder specialist, I have encountered an expansive array of client demographics and backgrounds, and have also have worked closely with those struggling with mental health issues. I am truly amazed by the strength and courage individuals demonstrate when fighting their disorder or mental health issues. Seeing how diagnoses such as eating disorders, anxiety, depression, body dysmorphia, and struggles with self-esteem and self-worth affect a person’s eating habits, I believe nutrition education and support can be an integral component of a person’s overall wellbeing. A nutrition professional can be a helpful addition to your team to help you feel your best, both mentally and physically.

Throughout my practice, I have seen clients struggle to trust dietitians and to make needed appointments. Perhaps they have felt worried that a dietitian might be judgmental or triggering. Or, they were overwhelmed or felt too depressed to get started. So, how can a dietitian be part of the equation when individuals are struggling with mental health issues, and the idea of talking with a dietitian just sounds scary? Below are some ways to get started in finding a professional who is a good fit for you!

First off, let’s clarify what a dietitian does and how one can be a beneficial member of your clinical team. A dietitian, often also referred to as a “nutritionist”, specializes in nutrition, eating habits, food practices, and various disease states that are affected by food and eating. When searching for a nutrition professional, make sure they have the following credentials after their name: RD (registered dietitian) or RDN (registered dietitian nutritionist). These credentials indicate that the person has completed coursework from an accredited program, has fulfilled specific dietetic internship hours, passed a national accrediting exam, and engages in continuing education. Dietitians are expected to provide evidence-based information while identifying ways to increase healthy/appropriate behaviors which can greatly decrease the amount of confusion and overwhelm around food and nutrition information we see daily. Many dietitians specialize in different populations and disease states, just like a doctor would. Make sure to be aware of specializations, as a dietitian specializing in adult renal disease may not be helpful if you are struggling from bulimia as a teenager. 

To help find the right dietitian for you, here are some tips when looking for someone who is sensitive to mental health, eating disorders, body image, etc:

• Do your research: make sure to check out the website, credentials, and specializations of the dietitian you are interested in meeting with. Be mindful if you get recommendations or a list of dietitians from your insurance:many dietitians who specialize in mental health and eating disorders do not take insurance. You may need to do your own research to find a specialist in your area. Remember, that it’s worth paying for a few sessions out of pocket and maximizing your time vs seeing someone who ends up making your situation worse!

• Ask questions: when scheduling your first appointment with a dietitian, make sure to ask about their experience working with whatever your current struggles are. If the dietitian sounds like they are unsure or are not confident in their responses, keep looking.

• Be picky: if you meet with someone and don’t hit it off, it’s ok to keep looking around. The point is to have a positive relationship with your dietitian to help promote positive change. It isn’t worth sticking with someone who isn’t helpful.

• Voice your concerns: make sure to be open and honest with your nutrition profession and express any questions, concerns, or issues. The more communication there is, the more effective your dietitian can be.

If you have thought about reaching out to a nutrition professional, now is the time! No matter what you are struggling with, focusing on having a positive relationship with food can change your life for the better!

Written and Contributed By Nicole Ferri, RD, CD-N, CEDRD, Owner of Inspire Nutrition Counseling, a partner of LIFT Wellness Group.)

Click here for more information on Eating Disorder Treatment.

Is There A Such Thing As A Good Divorce?

Interestingly, the number one Google search term in the month of January is ‘divorce.’ In our practice, inquiries for couples counseling and separation mediation nearly quadruples during this first month of the year. Let’s face it, the dissolution of a marriage is always an upsetting event, marked by disappointment and loss of dreams and expectations. When children are involved, worry and concern for their wellbeing and adjustment add to the distress. Divorce is as much an emotional process as it is a legal process. Financial, emotional and practical challenges posed require time, energy and alterations in responsibilities. Yet, divorce does not have to be purely negative. For some of our clients, divorce serves an important function in freeing individuals to form more satisfying and stable relationships in the future. It is HOW we approach these changes and transitions that determines the outcome of a divorce. With support and guidance, a therapist can help navigate all these changes to help you and your family have a positive outcome. 

In the beginning stages of a divorce, sometimes called the announcement phase, intentions are revealed, and you begin to tell others. There can be great relief, yet also distress and upheaval too. Sometimes, couples are intimidated and try to put it all back together. In the separation phase, an actual physical separation occurs. Decisions must be made. If you are in the formal divorce phase and it is legally concluded, one or both must leave the house and it is a good time to redefine boundaries. Reframing the transition as a reorganization and not a dismantling process can help with perspective. New family structure starts to form and with the creation of new rules, new roles and new traditions a sense of stability can be developed. In the aftermath of a divorce, one or both have moved forward and are establishing new family structures, requiring flexibility and negotiation within the relationships to successfully move forward.

No child dreams of having divorced parents. Divorce almost always breaks up a household and its routines. Divorce can distract parents, and children temporarily may not get their needs in the way they once did. Children may feel they need to pick sides or experience a sense of loss or worry for the other parent. Children may be scared, angry, confused or disappointed in one or both parent. The stress of the split and perhaps having to adjust to change of household can heighten anxiety, increase irritability and may exhibit behavior problems or difficulty sleeping. The good news is that many of the effects of divorce on children are short lived and resolve in a year or two. Untreated, other issues may be longer lasting and could play out later in attitudes toward romantic relationships. Children need assurance during this time they are loved by both parents if possible. They also need to be spared any conversations that are really for adults or where one parent might denigrate the other. It is not the actual divorce that harms the child, it is the child seeing parents fight and experience hostility towards one another. It can be terribly challenging to refrain from doing these things. To achieve a good divorce; engage a qualified therapist to use as a sounding board. You will receive encouragement and guidance on the best practices to navigate divorce for you, your children, and your family. 

Article contributed by LIFT clinical therapist, Tara Trivers Gans, LMFTA

Can Resolutions and Radical Acceptance Coexist?

A new year offers the promise of a fresh start to all, hence the ever-popular practice of setting “New Year’s resolutions.” 2019 is available for download as a fresh and ready set of data on YOU.

Self- reflection can be a helpful and necessary calibration tool, provided we can resist the urge to fall into excessive or derogatory naval- gazing. With kindness and sensitivity, it is useful to examine the year from a benevolent observer’s point of view: where did we go right? If we fell off course, what have we learned? What bits and pieces of self- knowledge can be carried forward in our backpack of experience into the new year?

If the adage is true that what we focus on increases, then we may see from the fruits of our labor which areas in our lives have grown this year. This may feel gratifying, and it may also indicate areas which have garnered less attention, and perhaps have shrunk. A shift in priorities could be indicated.

I find it helpful to do this exercise with pen and paper. All actions stem from character traits, and character traits align with core emotions. When we look at a character trait, we should do so by attempting to see its asset as well as its liability. Fear, for example, is a protective mechanism and helps keep us safe. Run rampant, fear can limit options and reduce your world to a colorless place.

Our defenses are less activated when we take the time to measure ourselves in this way. Not good or bad, not right or wrong, but simply character traits tilted off-kilter and waiting to be restored to right size.

The most common new year’s resolutions include eating healthier, exercising more, spending less, drinking less, saving more, switching jobs, learning more, quitting smoking, spending more time with loved ones, and getting organized. To take a deeper look at these goals, let’s look at the character traits behind them. What in us motivates these behaviors to happen, or prevents them from happening? Can we remember a time this year when we were successful in our endeavors? If not, do we understand why? For some, the answer may be self-sabotage or fear of success, stemming from a sense of inadequacy. For others, the answer may be far less simple.

If you must set new year’s resolutions, here are a few tips to keep them realistic: 1. Keep the list short. A long list will overwhelm you and you won’t have time to give adequate attention to any of the items. 2. Make the list time-sensitive, specific, measurable and goal-directed. Include who will hold you accountable, how you will know you’ve accomplished the goal, and what you will do to celebrate. 3. Set a date to re-evaluate once a quarter, perhaps with your therapist, or with a loved one of trusted friend. 4. Tell everyone about your goal, and tell them what specifically they can do to help you achieve it! Supportive community is paramount to changing a mindset or behavior. 5. Be kind. We are all human, and chances are, you did your best in 2019. Your best may look differently in 2020, but that must begin with self-compassion. We won’t work hard to better ourselves fueled by self-criticism. Let self-acceptance and self-love power you to your goals. Partner with yourself, and your support network, in an alliance of friendship and understanding to move forward and make this year your very best yet.

Warm and merry wishes to you!,

Mary Dobson, LMFT, CEDS,

and the LIFT Wellness Team

Notes from the Couch: As a new year approaches...

I was shredding old notes this week, and found the following entry dated March 14, 2016: “The therapy office can be the loneliest and alternately the most companionable place in the world. Such intimacy and secrets shared, then silence. They stick to me like ectoplasm.”

I read these words as if they were someone else’s, and it dawned on me that I can’t really recollect feeling this way. Months after scribbling this note, practice growth enabled me to hire our first associate, and shortly thereafter, a second. Our practice is now a bustling and lively home to ten (eight clinical, three administrative), and between our steady swirl of energies coming and going and my children’s busy lives, I feel like I haven’t been alone in years, if I ever was. Reading this note brought back to mind another lifetime, and flooded me with gratitude for the precious community we have built, which at times has felt like pushing a boulder up a mountain using the weight of my body, but more often than not, feels like unearthing a beautiful diamond that had always intended to be discovered from a clump of mud.

There have been moments over the years when I have questioned myself due to the demands of this work. It is work that is virtually impossible to explain when others ask the well-intentioned question, ‘how is work?’ Yet, thanks to the community at LIFT, there is a group of people who very much understand, and with whom no explanation is ever needed, as my formerly individual experience is now a shared reality, and that boulder made 50% lighter.

I am sure that self-reflection will preclude the close of 2019 for us all. While it is difficult to judge progress during a week or a month’s time, the span of a year reveals the results of our hard work and efforts yielded. I am stunned by the collective progress we have made as a group during this year: the addition of three new multidisciplinary clinical team members and a marketing manager, a successful run of child and adolescent DBT IOPs, the launch of a new eating disorder client support group, partnerships with corporations and schools for wellness initiatives, in-home intensive coaching programs, the launch of a psychoeducational webinar series, a contract to present to the Connecticut Women’s Consortium in 2020, a collaboration with the state public school curriculum design team on eating disorder-informed, body-positive adaptations to the mandatory high school level health curriculum, and so much more!

Our intentions have been set for 2020, with goals of continuing to provide a safe, comfortable, supportive, and secure person-development space for our clinicians and clients to flourish, sustaining and holding our therapists and clients alike through growth, professional evolution and maturity. We also look forward to continuing to expand our reach as a community resource for psychoeducation, support services, and professional development. We thank you for being along on this journey with us. It is an honor to play a part in your unfolding stories, and we are grateful for the privilege of counting you as members of our community.

In these three final weeks before the New Year, we ask you to share with us your dreams for 2020, so we may encourage and plan, right along with you. Wishing you a joyful holiday season, full of peace, perspective, and hope.  

Warmly,

Mary Dobson, LMFT, CEDS