It might be a quarter life crisis…Or just the stirring in my soul (John Mayer/Why Georgia)
A quarter life crisis isn’t a myth. For many young adults in all parts of the world, the quarter life crisis is unquestionably real. Experiencing a quarter life crisis is natural, developmentally appropriate life stage development period in which values, purpose, meaning and goals are measured against societal expectations, family pressures, internalized perfectionism, peer reinforcement, and financial pressures.
While a crisis of confidence can be uncomfortable, confusing, chaotic, and even even scary, experiencing a personal crisis is often a sign that we are growing. In crisis, the mind is busy and engaged, working hard to integrate past and present information. As a result, we experience the sensation of distress. Put more simply, we experience crises when our brain involuntarily goes into overdrive in an attempt to help us understand and accept that we are growing and changing.
It can be difficult to know what to do during a crisis, especially if it is your first time experience of one—which is often the case for those in quarter life crises. You may be feeling lost, confused, and overwhelmed. You may feel alone and misunderstood. Thankfully, you aren’t actually alone—there are millions of young people, all over the world, who are going through a parallel experience, whether they are speaking about it at brunch or not! If you’re in quarter life crisis, there isn’t anything wrong with you. You’re not weird, and you are not losing your mind.
Although it may be hard to believe, being in crisis is not a hopeless situation. There are many ways to help yourself during this stressful period.
Here are a few:
Every day, reserve one full hour for personal time. Use this hour for self care activities, rest, your favorite hobbies, reading, journaling, or watching a movie you love. Make sure you choose activities that relax you and whatever you do, do not try to be productive during this time :)
Talk to someone you know and trust about what's going on. Keeping your crisis a secret will only cause you to feel worse. Talking to someone who loves you and understands you can be very helpful. Sometimes people don’t want to open up to others because they don’t want to risk feeling embarrassed, criticized, or judged. Remember, you won’t feel better if you do this alone. Asking for help means you’ll feel better, sooner. So don’t delay! Asking for help requires courage, yes. But there’s not much to fear if you ask for help from the right people. A good rule of thumb: list some people you have known for a long time. Circle anyone on that list that routinely behaves respectfully towards others, frequently offers their support, and refrains from judgmental language. These are the qualities of safe, trustworthy people—the right people to ask for help. People to contact for help might include an old beloved friend, a person you met a while back in a support group, or a helping professional such as a licensed psychotherapist, a counselor, or a religious authority figure. If you can’t find someone to talk to, try asking a medical professional to guide you to people who can listen, find a peer support group, call 211 and explore their resources, or call a local or national crisis support hotline. Try to find a couple of people who can help you. Create your own personal support network!
Write down your thoughts and feelings that are coming up during this time. Writing out your thoughts can help you process your emotions and help you release any thoughts that seem stuck on repeat. Additionally, writing about your experience can help you brainstorm new thoughts to replace old, unhelpful thoughts. Writing it all out can also help you identify new ideas you can try out to help yourself feel better.
Affirmations:
Listed below are some affirmations which may be helpful to any young adult and older adults experiencing a personal crisis. Reading these affirmations can help individuals ground themselves and cultivate a sense of clarity, hope, and increased stillness of mind. At Lift Wellness Group, one of our therapists recommends writing down one or two affirmations in a journal or on a sticky note placed on your mirror or refrigerator door.
I am strong and capable of change. I welcome change in my life.
Change isn’t comfortable, but it’s ok to be uncomfortable sometimes. I will feel comfortable again.
If I feel scared, it’s okay. I can let myself feel my feelings. My feelings are not facts.
Feeling my feelings will not harm me.
I am capable of doing hard things. I can be proud of my efforts.
I will always try my best. My best will look different from day to day, and that’s okay.
It’s ok to not have all of the answers. I have faith that I will find the answers when the time is right.
I will show myself gentleness, kindness, and compassion. I let go of any unhelpful self criticisms.
I am willing to trust the process.
I can always ask for help. Asking for help is good self care.
Nothing lasts forever. Everything is temporary, including this experience.
I know that right now, I am growing. Growth is good.
It’s ok to have growing pains. This a good opportunity to care for myself.
I can remind myself that my feelings are not forever.
I can’t fight the waves of the ocean, but I can learn to surf.
This too shall pass.
It’s important to practice being patient with yourself as you navigate this tricky time. It’s also a good idea to pay attention to how long the crisis is for you. If it seems like you’ve been in crisis for a long time, it’s probably worth seeking out a mental health professional for some extra support. At Lift Wellness Group, our team of licensed counselors and psychotherapists are ready, prepared, and available to help you. Remember, help is just one phone call away.
Contributed by Errin Gaulin and Mary Dobson
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