Cyberbullying

As lovely weather approaches, many of us look forward to seeing our kids partake in all of the fun activities summertime offers: swimming, sports, and plenty of fresh air… Regrettably, another realism of this less-structured season is that they will soon have more time to spend online!

Social time and the desire for peer acceptance are developmentally appropriate priorities for teens. The foundation for social-emotional wellbeing is built on positive, affirmative communities of belonging, which teens have traditionally found through natural environmental outlets (think: sports, clubs, the arts, family, neighbors, and friends.) But what are the implications when these days, teens are interacting electronically nearly as much as they are IRL (in real life)?!

Westport CT-based outpatient counseling centers, LIFT Wellness Group and LIFT Teen + Parent Wellness Centers, credit measurable upticks in teen mental health to some of the downsides of our digital age, chief among them, cyberbullying. Let’s be honest: we’ve all experienced the dehumanizing aspect of communicating online. In the absence of direct eye contact, social cues, body language, or immediate proximal relational consequence, words are said (or memes shared,) that cannot be retrieved, often with insufficient consideration towards the receiver! It should be no surprise that this phenomenon does not pair well with the underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex of an adolescent brain.

While cyberbullying, which is harm inflicted on others through personal technology, happens to individuals of all ages, adults possess skills to recover that teens may not. Cyberbullying takes root, and is perpetuated, largely in virtual spaces devoid of supervision: text messages, gaming platforms (Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and Twitter,) chat games (Roblox, PUBG, Overwatch, Call of Duty Black Ops, Fortnite and God of War,) video sharing, streaming, and community platforms (YouTube, Discord and Twitch.) The goal of a cyberbully is to intimidate, shame, or coerce a targeted person or group. While done in a myriad of ways, examples of cyberbullying behaviors include spreading lies/misinformation, posting embarrassing content, sending/forwarding hurtful messages or illicit images/videos, impersonating others, or posting with intention to willfully bait, reject, or exclude others.

There are inherent dilemmas around teens and safe cyber activity. First, teens are working to differentiate and therefore may not disclose what is happening in their online lives. Because advancements in technology have rolled out faster than you can say ‘metaverse,’ we parents, who did not grow up with social media, find ourselves at an impasse regarding setting limits with tech. Some weigh known risks of social media against the risk of their child being left out of conversations, and are unclear how to proceed, while others believe it’s unrealistic to begin drawing limits on tech, after years of established permissibility. While social media may serve as a haven for teens who struggle to find their place in the community, excessive time online is correlated with mental health and poor self-image. We continue to experience the fallout from the relationship our youth developed with technology when it was designated a primary mode of social contact and academic stimulation during the pandemic. Resultingly, when cyberbullying is internalized as perceived public perception, teens are uniquely susceptible to its impact, and can react intensely to the palpable experience of rejection.

While peer-pressure may have had a greater hand than best-practice regulation in setting parameters for safe teen tech utilization thus far, it is NOT too late to explore how your child’s online identity is routinely altering, shaping, and influencing their actual life.

 

8 Steps PARENTS can take to help teens:

1.   Call a tech meeting for the family and discuss research and rationale for implementing healthy tech parameters. Suggested parameters include leaving all devices to rest in a centrally-located point in the home, setting timers to disarm devices after allotted periods of use, having devices automated to shut down at bedtime/charging time, forbidding tech at the family table/before homework, and storing all devices on airplane mode, charging overnight in master bedroom.

2.   Begin initiating an open, curious, and transparent dialogue with teens during and after their tech use, asking questions about who they were chatting with, whether their conversations made them feel good, and why/why not.

3.   Model openness by including teens in conversations about experiences you’ve had with hurtful interactions online.

4.    Educate yourself on cyberbullying, and watch vigilantly for its warning signs: anxiety, fear, or dread about going places, secrecy, avoidance, anxiety about technology, an increased desire for privacy or solitude, social withdrawal, a lack of interest in activities, changes in mood, behavior, sleep, appetite, or “acting out” behaviors such as anger.

5.    Ensure your teen knows that you will take any needed action to remediate cyberbullying, including getting help from available resources, such as school or bullying hotlines, the appropriate authorities, and medical and wellness professionals. Ensure your teen is aware that physical threats or crimes (extortion, stalking, blackmail, sexual exploitation) must be reported to the police.

6.    Model and foster resilience with your child by reading books or watching age-appropriate movies on bullying together.

7.    Do a “social media cleanse” as a family, unfollowing all accounts which trigger sad, angry, jealous, or hurt feelings. Talk about the JOMO (the joy of missing out,) and how putting your well-being first is an act of self-care. If you or your teen are not ready to block someone, remember that restricting an account allows the accountholder to approve, delete or ignore comments.

8.    Provide alternatives. Teens not only need to know what not to do, but what TO do instead! Offer a variety of engaging options for family and social time to mitigate the impact of the virtual world, by cultivating nurturing and affirming real-life relationships. We can’t take something away without replacing it.


8 Steps TEENS can take to help themselves:

1.   On social media platforms, promptly block any accounts that are bullying. Witnessing bullying promoted vicarious trauma, which makes you feel unsafe even when you aren’t the victim.

2.   Formally report any bullying behavior on the platform itself. This is a very important step in stopping bullying and preventing others from being harmed or harming themselves.

3.   Collect evidence. Save and/or screenshot any text messages or social media posts you come across that are harmful, inappropriate, cruel, or abusive. Cyberbullies leave a digital footprint.

4.   Don’t retaliate. If you see or experience bullying online, block the posts, and seek help from trusted outside sources.

5.   Don’t be an accomplice. Don’t share instances of bullying with those who aren’t helping you make it stop. This doesn’t help the situation and can spread harm, intentionally or not.

6.   Never share private information like passwords, addresses, or phone numbers with anyone online.

7.   Make all social media accounts private. You can control your audience and who sees your posts. Choose to allow only those you care about, trust, and respect to follow your accounts. Turn off comments, limit comments, or filter comments as needed.

8.    Refrain from interacting with anyone online who you do not personally know. This includes not clicking on any links from unknown people. Control who is allowed to message you by adjusting your privacy settings. It’s best to allow messaging only from those you know, trust, and respect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline

Child Abuse

(800) 422-4453

Website

Crisis Text Line

Crisis Support

(all topics includi

Text TRUST to 741741

Cyber Civil Rights Initiative (CCRI)

Image-Based Sexual Abuse

(844) 878-2274

Website

Boys Town National Hotline

Teen Mental Health Support

(all topics including bullying)

(800) 448-3000

Text: VOICE to 20121

Website

Games and Online Harassment Hotline

Emotional Support for Gamers

Text: SUPPORT to 23368

Website

GLBT National Youth Talkline

 

(800) 246-7743

NAMI National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline

Mental Health Conditions

(800) 950-6264

Text: Helpline to 62640

helpline@nami.org

National Alliance for Eating Disorders 

Eating Disorders

(866) 662-1235

Website

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) 

Child Sexual Exploitation

(800) 843-5678

National Dating Abuse Helpline

Dating Abuse

(866) 331-9474

Text: LOVEIS to 22522

Website

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Domestic Violence

(800) 799-7233

(800) 787-3224

Text: START to 88788

Website

National Eating Disorders Association 

Eating Disorders

(800) 931-2237

Website

National Grad Crisis Line

Crisis and Suicide Intervention for Grad Students

(877) 472-3457

National Human Trafficking Hotline 

Human Trafficking

(888) 373-7888

Text: HELP to 233733

National Sexual Assault Hotline 

Sexual Assault

(800) 656-4673

Website

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Suicide Prevention

(888) 628-9454

Safe Place

Teens in Crisis 

(all topics, including bullying)

Text: safe to 44357

Website

SAMHSA Disaster Distress Helpline 

Emotional distress related to natural or human-caused disasters

(800) 985–5990

Text: TalkWithUs to 66746

Website

STOMP Out Bullying Helpchat Crisis Line

Bullying and Cyberbullying

Website

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

Suicide and Crisis Emotional Support

988

Website

Teen Line

Teen Support 

(all topics, including bullying)

(800) 852-8336

Text: TEEN to 839863

Trevor Project

LGBTQ youth, friends, family

(866) 488-7386

Text: Start to 678678

Vita Activa

LGBTQ Stress, Trauma, Crisis, Chronic Fatigue and/or Gender Violence

52155-8171-1117 (Whatsapp)

support@vita-activa.org

@VitaActivaOrg

Website

 

Resources for Parents

 

Parental Controls

iOS Parental Controls

Xbox Parental Controls

Google Parental Controls

Android Parental Controls

Playstation Parental Controls

Google Play Parental Controls

Nintendo Switch Parental Controls

Microsoft Windows Parental Controls

Ultimate Guide to Parental Controls

 

 

Instagram

Parent's Guide to Instagram

Parent’s Guide for Bullying on Instagram

Parent’s “Pressure to Be Perfect” Guide to Instagram

How to Deal With Conflicts and Abuse on Instagram

Common Sense Media Review: Instagram

Instagram Safety and Privacy Settings

Instagram's Tips for Parents

Instagram Safety Tips

 

TikTok

TikTok Wellbeing Guide

Parent's Guide to TikTok

Guardian's Guide to TikTok

TikTok Account and Privacy Settings

Parent's Guide to TikTok Safety for Teens

Common Sense Media Review: TikTok

Parent's Ultimate Guide to TikTok

TikTok Safety and Privacy Controls

TikTok Safety Center

 

Facebook

Common Sense Media Review: Facebook

Report Something on Facebook

Safety Resources for Parents

Facebook Abuse Resources

Facebook Privacy Settings

Meta Safety Center

 

Snapchat

Common Sense Media Review: Snapchat

Parent's Ultimate Guide to Snapchat

Snapchat's Guide for Parents

Snapchat Privacy Settings

 

Twitter

Twitter Privacy Settings

Parent's Guide to Twitter

Parental Consent on Twitter

Common Sense Media Review: Twitter

 

YouTube

YouTube Privacy Controls

Parental Controls on YouTube

Parent's Guide to YouTube Kids

Parent's Guide to Family-Friendly YouTube Channels

 

Discord

Discord Safety Center

Parent's Guide to Discord

Parent's Ultimate Guide to Discord

Discord Blocking and Privacy Settings

Reporting Abusive Behavior to Discord

How To Enable Parental Controls on Discord

 

Twitch

Twitch Privacy Choices

Parent's Guide to Twitch

Filing a Report on Twitch (Web)

Filing a Report on Twitch (Mobile)

Common Sense Media Review: Twitch

Twitch Guide for Parents and Educators

Twitch Community Guidelines and Safety

 

Pinterest

Report Harassment and Cyberbullying on Pinterest

Common Sense Media Review: Pinterest

How to Block Someone on Pinterest

Edit Account Privacy on Pinterest

Report Something on Pinterest

Pinterest's Parent Resources

Teen Safety Options

 

Tumblr

Is Tumblr Safe for Kids? What Parents Should Know

Common Sense Media Review: Tumblr

Tumblr Privacy Options

 

WhatsApp

Common Sense Media Review: WhatsApp

Blocking and Reporting on WhatsApp

How to Use WhatsApp Responsibly

How to Stay Safe on WhatsApp

WhatsApp Privacy Settings

 

ChatGPT

Parent's Guide to ChatGPT

Is ChatGPT Safe? For Parents

Navigating the Risks of ChatGPT

 

Minecraft

Parent's Ultimate Guide to Minecraft

Minecraft Safety Features

Minecraft's Safety Guide

 

Roblox

Safety and Civility at Roblox

Parent's Ultimate Guide to Roblox

Safety: Roblox Support

 

Fortnite

Parent's Ultimate Guide to Fortnite

Epic Games Parental Controls

Epic Games Account Security

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